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“Why can’t you be back?”
“I think you know,” I answered, my tone clipped. I was pissed at myself for being attracted to this woman when I had no right to be. Had I found her attractive when Rebecca was alive? Yeah, I had eyes. But there was a difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them.
When she remained quiet, I let my thoughts veer off yet again, trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and how to fix it.
I needed to head home and relieve some tension. I was on edge and wound tight about losing the company. A good, hard fuck was what I needed.
There were three women I trusted who were discreet and capable of handling me, mostly because they had their own issues and were as fucked up as I was.
I kept a space separate from Falcon’s headquarters in Pennsylvania where I brought those women. It was also where my dog sitter picked up Dallas to take care of him when I traveled for jobs it’d be best not to bring him along. I didn’t want my dog sitter, or anyone outside my team, knowing where I actually slept at night.
It was also convenient since one of the three women I’d casually been screwing happened to be Elizabeth, my dog sitter.
Then there was Jasmine, a law professor I’d met at a bar one night.
Lastly was Zoey. Yes, that Zoey. We’d started using each other on and off after working with “Red Robin Hood’s” brother, Jesse McAdams—who was now on my team at Falcon Falls—to take down The Chechen. It was an unlikely partnership, but the ultimate end of The Chechen was worth crossing those lines.
Then two months ago, Zoey and I came to the mutual decision to end our arrangement.
Crazy enough, Zoey had been worried I’d catch feelings. It was easier to let her go than convince her that wasn’t possible. Hell, I hadn’t even flinched when Gray walked in on us screwing at a wedding—I know, I’m an asshole. That moment proved my heart was as cold and dead as Zoey claimed hers was. Because I’d have lost my mind at another man seeing a woman I actually loved in that situation.
“I suppose I do know why you can’t come back, but there has to be something you can do so you can eventually,” Diana said, finally breaching the quiet and cutting through my messy thoughts. “If you’re still in trouble, though, why would you risk coming here until your name is cleared?”
I lifted my head and slowly turned, finding her too close again. I held myself back from leaning into her, trying to ignore her soft floral scent. Freshly picked, fragrant, and crisp. I’d suck all that sweetness and sunshine right out of her. Then she’d hate me, and I’d hate myself even more. Because she was all that was good and wholesome still left from my past, and I wanted to remember her that way. Keep her that way. Which meant staying far away from her.
So, I did the least asshole thing I could think of and started for the door, before I lost what little self-respect I had left and made a move on a woman I shouldn’t want and could never have. Because for the life of me, there was something about her that made me crave her, and I needed to get away as quickly as possible. There would be no way to Father-forgive-me my way out of that one. There could be no acting out on the unexpected desire I had for this woman.
Although, was it really unexpected? I’d felt a connection to her before, but I’d refused to acknowledge it. And I needed to do that again now.
“You’re leaving already?” Her sad tone had me halting.
I turned, finding her eyes on me, appearing as sad as her voice had been. “Yes.” I swallowed. “Because whatever you’ve heard about me—the truth is much worse.”
15
DIANA
“You know, Karl told me this bar is owned by a former Navy SEAL who is also the governor’s son.” From our table by the window, Sierra shifted on her stool and looked around the nautical-themed bar in Greenwich Village.
“You told him where we were meeting?” I wasn’t sure why that bothered me so much. Maybe it was because I wasn’t her husband’s greatest fan. More like not a fan at all, but I kept my mouth closed because Sierra claimed she was happy.
She focused back on me, picking up her Moscato. “Yeah, he always knows where I’m at. You don’t marry a billionaire in the defense industry and get to run around without a fleet of security traveling with you.”
Shit, she was right. It’d been a long time since we’d hung out in person. Maybe it was a bad idea to call her to meet with me after all. “So, your security detail is blending in with the crowd here, I assume?”
“Double Oh Seven over there,” she said with a light laugh, “is chatting up that pretty girl at the bar, but he hasn’t actually taken his eyes off me for a second.” She nodded toward a guy hovering by the hallway near the back of the bar. “And Jake is being all Jake-like, acting like someone might sneak in from the back to try and kidnap me.”
I focused on Jake and, despite my wild day, cracked a smile. “The fact you refer to him by his name and the other by?—”
“Back to why you’re here.” She batted her lashes with intent, letting me know to drop it.
Okay, then. “Well, I needed someone to talk to.” Desperately.
“Luckily, my nanny’s back from her vacation to watch the baby, so I could come out. Karl can disassemble a rifle in the dark, but change a diaper? Forget it.”
Mmmhmm.
“So, what’s the emergency that has you all out of sorts?”
