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Michael refuses to take his eyes off our son as the edge of his lips curls up into a small smile. “Another baby. Let’s make one.”
“Our son just turned one.”
“Yes, he did. Very observant of you.”
I shove his shoulder playfully. “I just meant that he’s still young. He needs me, and having another baby too soon will divide my attention. It wouldn’t be fair to him or the new baby.”
Michael sighs and turns to look down at me. Like a moth to a flame, the gold fire burning in his irises draws me in. “Yes, he will always need you, but I want our children to be close in age. I want our son to have that kind of bond. A best friend for life.”
“What if it’s a girl?” I argue.
“Makes no difference. He’ll just be more protective of her but a best friend nonetheless. Besides, it would be nice to have a partner to keep the boys away from her.”
It’s growing hard to ignore the excitement the idea of another baby brings. I love being a mother, and seeing Michael be a dad is heartwarming and rewarding. “I’d like that for him. It could take a while, though. To get pregnant, I mean.”
Michael snorts. “Please. I knocked you up the first time we slept together.”
“And I’ll never forget it.”
He chuckles. The sound vibrates deeply and sends a shiver of pleasure skirting down my spine. I will never get enough of his laughter. Michael pulls me against his chest, and I nuzzle closer before he turns his face to kiss the crown of my head and whispers, “Me either.”
The result of that fateful night is beautiful as he runs around the garden chasing bubbles. The energy he possesses is as limitless as his love of life. His pale cheeks are flushed red, making the splash of freckles he inherited from me stand out more.
“You know,” I start, my voice dropping an octave. Michael catches on to it like he always does and squeezes my shoulder a little tighter, eager to hear what I’m thinking. “He’s going to nap for at least a couple of hours after this playtime. We could, you know…spend that time working on baby number two.”
Michael shifts and places a hand under my chin, tilting my face toward his. That fire from earlier is a burning inferno now. “I believe he’s ready for that nap right now. Don’t you?”
Our lips are a breath away from each other. “I think so.”
He captures my mouth and kisses me deeply, his tongue exploring every inch with a hunger that mirrors his actions in bed, fucking my mouth until I’m left in a quivering, wet mess, ready to climb him like a damn tree.
“Get me pregnant, Michael.”
My eyes open to the gentle light of morning streaming through the windows. Lifting my hand to my eyes, I wipe away the tears that always come after the dream fades and reality pulls me awake. They started after all five pregnancy tests came back positive and have plagued me almost every night since.
I expected to panic when I saw the two pink lines, but I didn’t. Instead, there was this rush of relief and a sudden overpowering urge to shield my innocent baby from the evils of the world.
Of course, the panic quickly set in once the surprise of the news faded. I knew if I didn’t find a way to escape my upcoming nuptials and my father, this baby would never see the light of day. And I wasn’t about to let that happen. I was a mother the moment I learned of its existence. And a mother protects her child with every fiber of her being.
Evelyn knew the moment she saw my face when I called her, and “Operation Set Rose Free” officially kicked into high gear. We made the plans in secret, only speaking of them on a video call in the bathroom with the shower on since it was the safest place to do so. Call it overkill or whatever, but there is no risk of being overheard or spied on in there.
My stomach, once flat, now has a slight curve to it. Like I had one too many slices of cake. It’s hardly noticeable, and I can still wear my clothes without it looking suspicious, but not for long. I’m running out of time. Just last week, during the final dress fitting, the seamstress commented on needing to let out the waist seam a little. I laughed it off, but it was a very real reminder that it’s now or never. I have to escape, and today’s that day.
My sister’s wedding day.
It’s terribly cruel and feels like a betrayal. Because it is. I’m abandoning my sister on the most important day of her life. But despite how harsh it is, it’s necessary. Yes, my absence will ruin her day, leaving her to always wonder where I am and whether I’m okay or even alive. Maybe one day, when Dad is six feet under the ground, I’ll try to contact her. I just hope that when that day comes, she will understand why I left and forgive me.
By the time we arrive, the church is already in full swing. Beautiful flowers in shades of blue and white decorate the ends of the church pews. The white marble aisle is adorned with a scattering of petals, and blue and white fabric billows overhead like ocean waves. Fairy lights intertwine with the fabric, creating a dreamy, underwater-like ambience.
When I enter the bridal suite and see how stunning my sister looks in her wedding dress, a sliver of doubt worms its way in. How can I do this to her? There has to be another way. Maybe if I tell her, we can find it together. Maybe we don’t need to be apart. Maybe…
My hand moves of its own accord, seeking out the gentle curve beneath my dress. Taking a deep breath, I remind myself that my little jellybean is the reason for all this. Evelyn and I have thought through every possible way, and this has the most chance of success. Dreaming of anything else is unrealistic, and I can’t afford to fail now, not when the consequences are far worse.
“Hey.” Grace catches my eye in the mirror. “I know I’m gorgeous, but don’t go crying now. If you start, I will, and I can’t have that. It took over an hour to apply all this makeup.”
Her laughter is weak, as if she’s actually close to tears herself, and she runs a hand down the front of her dress, keeping her hands busy and her mind distracted.
I want to remember her as she looks right now, ridiculously happy and beautiful as she prepares for the biggest adventure of her life. Connor is a lucky man, and I pray hard that Dad doesn't corrupt him in the years to follow. My sister deserves the very best, and I want her to have that when I’m gone.
