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And remembering my conversation with Mel this evening parked in her father's driveway, I suddenly feel tired. She'd wanted to know why she needed a tracker.
I hadn't been able to tell her the darkness that existed in the world. The very one that I sowed with my existence.
I had told her the charity was because of my father, but truthfully, that sounded better than saying it was a replacement for everything that I ruined with the touch of my hands.
"Alec has someone he's paying, but I'm not certain how far we can trust him. He's not Capo, and he's not the underboss either." Ryder tilts his head back and takes a long inhale of the cigar between his lips.
The room breaks out in a loud murmur. It takes a harsh snap from me to bring any semblance of order back.
"Alec is not Capo, and neither is he underboss, but he is my brother. If he says we can trust this man, then I believe him." I bark.
There is no room for dissent. I am only underboss until my marriage to Mel, and that's still a few months away. With Capo's absence, his men are bound to get rowdy.
I can't afford a divide in my own ranks. Especially with the ever-looming threat of the fucking Russians clawing at my back.
"Yes, boss." Carl gives a little salute with his hand against his forehead and sits back against his chair.
"Things need to move forward fast. We need to have a plan of action. Some way to cut through the swatch of problems looming. Do we attack first?" Ryder asks. He sounds like the question has been on his mind for a while.
"We don't do anything to disturb the balance. Not yet."
Not when Mel is still so vulnerable. I remember her little smile today after I'd dropped her off. It had done strange things to my stomach, things she's always been the only one capable of.
Ryder's brow bears disapproval. A small knife appears in his hand, and he digs it into the table. The rest of the men watch. "We don't have time, boss. If they hit us first, even with Sedric's force, we might have a hard time bouncing back."
I tap the butt of my gun against the table and wait until I have all their attention. "Which is why we won't let them hit us. I need my wedding to go off hitch-free. After that, we'll discuss the rest of this."
The room breaks out in congratulations. Most of the men give half grins.
The rest of them look uncomfortable, like even the mention of a wedding is too much emotion.
"If anything disrupts the timeline, I'm going to be pissed. We keep the Famiglia secure until all this with Sedric's family is secure. Until I am married, and then we strike."
The thought of a fight breaking out has my chest filling with a sloven heaviness, like my limbs are weighed down with lead. This isn't like me.
Maybe war doesn't excite me anymore, but it shouldn't worry me either.
This is, after all, my life. It has been my life for all of my thirty-seven years. I've never known another existence, so why does my stomach feel like a hollow cave all of a sudden?
"It's a great plan, boss."
"Double security around both houses. And Amory Corp." I don't tell them why, but I'd rather be safe than sorry.
I shove my chair back and push my gun into the back of my pants and the shotgun into its holster around my arm. A few knives are tucked away in discreet places, all giving me a sense of security on my person.
I step out of the door, drained after the long day. I need a hot shower and a warm body. An image of Mel sneaks into my brain, and I chuckle bitterly.
Getting over her isn't going to be as easy as I am trying to convince myself it should be. Not when two minutes in her presence had me all wound up and needy for her.
Not when I hate the thought of danger coming to her so damned much I'm willing to risk my men to keep her safe.
Not when, for the first time in my entire dark days on earth, the Famiglia is not my priority. Keeping her safe is, even if it is safe from myself, until I can have her with no restraints.
7
MEL
"For God's sake, father, he's only six." I snap, my voice exasperated.
