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His body goes rigid as a tack. "Do I really need to know?"
"No. But I want you to know. I had a feeling you didn't really believe me when I said it wasn't because I was sad with you."
"Go ahead. Say it."
I hide my face in his chest, running my hand over the tattoos across his back to remind myself none of what I am about to say is true.
"I was worried you'd choose The Famiglia over us. So, I took the choice away. It would've hurt too much if you'd picked them. Those men who never should doubt you. I wouldn't have been able to take it."
Xander pulls away fast, so fast he knocks into the wall behind him. He doesn't even seem to notice. "What do you mean?"
"Are you angry? I know you know exactly what it is that I mean." I mutter.
"There is not a word of truth in that. Not a smidgeon of fact. None!"
I nod solemnly. "I know that now. I didn't then. But this is why you are wrong to doubt yourself. There is no truth to your doubt. Just like there was no truth to my fears."
I look up to meet his eyes and spit the words to land like anchors unto him.
"You're handsome, you're smart, like the strongest person I know. I see the way you love our son, and I can never doubt it. You're the greatest man alive. How can you doubt the very evidence that you provide, mio marito."
He grits his teeth, his jaw tightening. He turns granite right before me. Then loosens up, and I can almost see the fear, the doubt leeching from him.
"I'm certain I'll get to the point where I totally believe that. But for now..." He leans in to capture my lips in a kiss that is more adoration than an action. "... thank you il mio raggio di sole."
I feel the tears slip out of my lids then. Tears for the young boy who could never be a child. Groomed, trained, and bred to take over what was larger than him. "Thank you too."
"For what?" His befuddlement is almost sweet.
"For being you. And for allowing me to be a part of you. For giving me Lucian."
He chuckles gently, air from his lips floating across my face. "I should thank you for him too. He's been an absolute breath of fresh air."
I nod and dart a look at the door. "We should get to him. He should be awake now."
"You stay here and take as long as you need. I'll take care of him." Xander kisses me on the cheeks, first one, then the other, and then slaps the shower on.
"You really could just say you plan on going to that park without me," I mumble to him.
He laughs, and I laugh, and then I hack up a loud cough, almost run out of the shower, and end up on the bathroom floor, the cold tile biting into my skin, spilling the contents of my stomach into the toilet bowl.
The splash as the vomit lands in the water inside the toilet bowl has me retching more, heaving, and gagging. I feel Xander's hand on my head, scraping my hair away from my face.
He pats my back, and by the time I lean away from the bowl with enough confidence that the contents of my stomach will stay where they belong, I'm ragged and breathless.
24
XANDER
Mel looks as white as a sheet, her chest rising and falling as she sags back against the floor, her eyes lifting to mine finally as she coughs one last time.
I let her hair go and watch almost with a certain level of fascination as it tumbles and falls around her face. There's fear in her eyes, in the way they widen slightly and then darken as though light has blinked from them but it is the tears that come springing up in their depths that finally push me into action.
I kneel beside her and slide my arms around her back to lift her off the floor. She sinks into me, and I tighten my arms around her. "Can you walk?"
She nods her "yes" against my bare chest, and I drag in air, flush the bathroom, and then fetch some water from the sink to clean her face off. She doesn't say a word, and neither do I, but there's a look that keeps sliding between us that says more than a thousand words.
I find a towel to wrap her in and heft her into my arms, walking out of the bathroom. I drop her gently to the bed and sit beside her. She closes her eyes and lies back against the sheets.
