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I'm pregnant and this time around, I don't know how to feel about it. The option of running away is not available. Xander would find me in any and all extremities of the earth. Not when he knows about his child this time around.
I stifle a laugh that tingles at my throat. "I'm fine, Gianna. I promise."
Gianna rolls her large eyes. "No you're not. Come on. What's wrong?"
She drags me to the kitchen island and pushes me into a chair there. I sit, tottering between tears and the maniacal laughter still scratching at my chest. "We had a fight."
She slants her head towards me. "I'm guessing we means you and Xander?"
"Yes."
Her concern filters into her voice. "What was it about?"
"I don't know. I have no idea why. I don't think he trusts me anymore, Gianna. I don't know how to convince him to forgive the past."
"He's Xander. Has there ever been a time when he trusted another human?"
I scratch at the table. He once trusted me. Back when I'd been deserving of it. What kind of home would I be creating for a baby if the very man whose baby I am carrying has no trust in me?
My answer is as simple as it is sharp. "There was."
"Then there will be again. Look, what's biting at you? Something obviously is."
I shake my head and back away from her, find my phone and make it to my room, our room, closing the door softly behind me. I crossed into the bathroom, undressing as I went, increasing the sound of the music pouring from my phone.
I don't want to talk about anything. Not right now. Not with the potent medley of anger and pain rocking through me. His words this morning had hurt. I could admit that much, at least. His anger had stoked mine. The short moment gone with the content of my stomach.
Our fathers would be pleased, at least. He had been right about that. But a baby isn't supposed to be happening now. Not with the way things were currently in the air.
I move around the bathroom, making myself a bath, heating the water until it's almost too hot to bear. I pour some soothing lavender body wash and oil into the bath water and then slip into the warm water, laying my head against the rim of the bath and wishing I'd thought to get some wine to drink.
Except I can't drink wine anymore, can I? Not for the next nine months, at least. I tip my head back, sliding back until I'm completely submerged in the warm water, praying the lavender manages to soothe me soon.
I close my eyes and hold my breath underwater. My lungs start burning pretty soon, and I sit up, coughing and choking as I drag air into my lungs. I realize I'm crying, fat tears cutting a line on my face like a train on a track.
I wipe the tears and sink back into the water, my skin burning from the heat. I place my hands over my stomach, but this time, the warmth from the water reminds me of the heat I'd felt when I'd first held Lucian in my arms.
This baby will not be any less loved. I smile as I remember the way he'd wound his fingers around my thumb, his eyes squeezed shut as cry after cry had broken from his small lips, the sound startlingly loud despite the tiny bundle of joy it had been coming from.
I must have fallen asleep in the water because when I wake, it is to the sound of footsteps in the bathroom. I throw my arms over my breasts and dart my eyes to the dark shadow staining the doorway.
Xander has his gaze on my body and looks down to find that all the bubbles in the bath are gone. The water is a clear stream, barely hiding anything from his wandering eyes.
The heat in them sear at me, and I allow my hand to fall away. His eyes caress my skin as they skim my body, my stomach, the curve of my hips, the junction of my thighs, and then back up past my navel, past my breasts, and then up to my eyes again finally.
I shudder. A quick quiver of my body as though someone has stepped over my grave. He walks into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. The click of the lock has me sitting up, the water swishing all over me.
"What are you doing?"
He settles beside me and rolls his hand through the water so it stains the cuff of his dark shirt. He cups my hips through the water and then just stares at his hand against my body. I can't breathe, I don't move. I want to but I can't seem to break the spell he's weaving.
He meets my questioning eyes. "I hurt you this morning, didn't I?"
My heart beat spikes as though I've taken a plunge from a hill. "Why would you think that?"
An emotion that I can't read swarms his gaze. "Your eyes. They looked bruised. As though I'd stomped on them."
He stands and removes his shoes then slips into the bath water, fully clothed and I feel how cold the water has become. As cold as he was this morning. "What do you want me to say to that Xander? I had no idea I was pregnant. I mean, we're still not certain I am."
