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“Wow,” Audrey said, and I couldn’t tell if she was impressed or confused. “I think he means that.”
A deep truth hit me and I blurted it out without thinking. “The problem is, girls I’ve dated weren’t Marigold. She’s always been the standard, even when I wouldn’t admit it. I wasn’t trying to use them to get over her or something shitty like that. I just thought, or I knew, I didn’t deserve Marigold, so I was out of luck. But how could I fall for another woman when Marigold was out there, just existing in the world. How could anyone ever compare to her? It would have been nice if it hadn’t taken almost dying to figure that out, but what can I say, I’m hard-headed.”
Annika stared at me, her mouth slightly open. Audrey was giving me that big-eyed gaze that made it look like she might tear up at any moment.
“What?” I asked.
“I’ve known you my entire life and I had no idea this side of you existed,” Annika said.
I leaned back a little. “Is that good or bad?”
“Good,” she said. “I would have loved to have seen it sooner.”
“Maybe he’s been hiding it beneath his veneer of sarcasm and smart-assery,” Audrey offered.
“That must be it,” Annika agreed. “I wonder if he did it on purpose or if it was an unconscious coping mechanism.”
“I’m right here.”
“Where do you think the urge came from?” Audrey asked, ignoring me. “It seems like you all had a pretty good childhood.”
“We did, but it wasn’t without ups and downs. Especially for my brothers. I’m the lucky one with parents who are still married. They all had to deal with loss when their other parent left.”
“That’s true,” Audrey said. “That definitely left scars on Josiah.”
“I’m sure it did. I always wondered if his mom leaving was why he was so grumpy and aloof.” She grabbed Audrey’s hands. “I love seeing him with you so much. He’s so much more, I don’t know, himself. Like the guy underneath all that defensiveness finally broke free, and it’s amazing.”
“Aw, thank you.” Audrey sniffed. “I love him so much.”
“And we love you so much.”
They threw their arms around each other in a hug and I waited for them to finish their sisterly love-fest.
“Sorry.” Annika wiped a few tears off her cheeks. “Where were we?”
“I think your brother was being surprisingly convincing that he really does care about Marigold.”
“Right.” Annika turned her sister-glare back on—full power. “Whether or not I help you, if you hurt her, I’ll make you regret it for the rest of your life.”
“Sorry, Z, but I’m with Annika,” Audrey said. “Marigold is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever known. I don’t want her to get hurt either.”
“Neither do I. I’m not going to hurt her. I’m not going to screw this up.”
I hated the way Annika was looking at me, with something like pity in her eyes. She wasn’t going to say it out loud, but I knew what was going through her head. She wanted to believe me, but she wasn’t sure she could.
Because I always screwed it up. That’s who I was in our family. The screw-up. We all knew it, even if no one said it in front of me.
Well, not this time.
“I just need a chance to show her that I really am in love with her.” I paused, looking them each in the eyes for a second. “And I need to get rid of the helicopter guy.”
“Oh boy.” Audrey looked away. “That’s definitely a complication.”
“Why? It can’t be that hard. She’s only gone out with him a couple of times.”
“Yeah, but he seems pretty amazing,” Audrey said. “And kind of perfect for her.”
“I don’t want to jump to conclusions too quickly, because we haven’t actually met him yet,” Annika hesitated, “but Audrey is right. So far, he seems like her dream man.”
