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I splashed cold water on my face and tried again. No go. I was going to wind up passing out on my bathroom floor if I kept at it. My face was white as a sheet, my lips turning gray. The only spot of color was my one bright red nipple, the redness looking angrier by the minute.
What the hell was I going to do?
My first thought was Marigold. But I couldn’t show her this. It was humiliating. Besides, she was angry at me and I didn’t want her to think I’d done this on purpose just to get sympathy or attention.
There was only one real option. Only one person I could trust with a screw-up of this magnitude.
My mom.
The nipple pain got worse as I drove out to my parents’ place. I’d called my mom to make sure she’d be home, but I hadn’t told her what was going on. Just that everything was fine but I needed her help with a problem.
No extra cars were parked outside their house, which was a good sign. Hopefully that meant none of my siblings were there. I had to keep this under wraps. They’d never let me hear the end of it if they found out.
I went inside and found my mom in the living room. Her hair was up and her glasses had slid down her nose as she worked on her latest knitting project.
She looked up and smiled, but I didn’t miss the concern that touched her eyes. “Hi. Is everything okay?”
I rested my hands on my hips and took a deep breath. This was fine. I could trust her. “I accidentally got my nipple pierced last night and now I can’t get it out.”
She didn’t laugh at me. Didn’t scoff or scold. She just looked at me as if she weren’t sure she’d heard me correctly. “You did what?”
“Accidentally got my nipple pierced.” I lifted my shirt to show her my shame, then let it drop.
“Okay,” she said slowly and set her knitting on the couch next to her. “How was that accidental?”
“There might have been alcohol involved.”
Her lips pressed together and I could see her trying to stop herself from smiling. “When you said you needed help with a problem, this wasn’t even close to what I was expecting.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t expect to wake up with a piece of metal stuck through my nipple this morning, but here we are.”
“Why do you need my help?”
“I can’t get it out.”
“Is it stuck?”
“No,” I admitted. “I can’t touch it without feeling like I’m going to pass out.”
She adjusted her glasses, another amused smile on her lips. “Oh, honey. Okay, let’s go take care of it.”
Relief poured through me. Yes, I was a grown man, and yes, I’d gone to my mom to get an accidental nipple piercing taken out.
Don’t judge. I have sensitive nipples.
I followed her into her bathroom, grateful Dad didn’t seem to be around. I took off my shirt and leaned against the counter while she washed her hands.
“Thanks for not lecturing me,” I said. “I feel stupid enough as it is.”
“That looks like it hurts plenty.” She dried her hands. “Natural consequences.”
“How do I get myself into these things? I’d blame you and Dad, but you weren’t terrible parents.”
She laughed. “I guess I’ll take that as a compliment. And as for why, you’ll have to figure that out for yourself. All I know is you have a strong combination of impulsiveness and stubbornness, and that can be dangerous.”
It was dangerous. I did things without thinking them through all the time.
Like pranking the helicopter guy so I could hang out with Marigold and not telling her.
