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Everything…the ticking clock in the other room, the quiet buzzing of the fridge, our shared breaths.
They all stop.
“I don’t want to break you, Zoe. I want to put you back together. I want to hurt them for hurting you. I want you to be yourself around me. You don’t need to hide, not from me.”
I’m not doing this with him. Not now. Not ever.
I pull away, feeling the familiar burn stinging behind my eyes.
“Don’t do that. Don’t pretend like you care about me. Not after all these years. Don’t forget that this is just a business arrangement, an acquaintance relationship at best that you’re putting up with because you have no other option. Stick to the plan, and keep your words to yourself because they mean nothing.”
Turning away, I bolt and run up the stairs. I feel the tears falling down my face as I step inside my room and close the door. Sliding down to the floor, I pull my knees to my chest, dropping my face and releasing the tears I was clutching on to so tightly. I open the door to the pain and force myself to feel it all. I like the torment because it means I’m still capable of feeling.
Until it fades away and a quiet numbness takes over.
CHAPTER 36
ZOE
It’s been a couple of days since the ice cream incident, and I’ve barely seen Dominik aside from the game tonight, which consisted of a forced wave and an air kiss after intermission.
No text.
No notes around the apartment.
We’ve either missed one another with our schedules or he’s avoiding me. I have been staying later at the office and hiding out in my room whenever I’m home, but I figured a run-in would have happened by now.
Was I too harsh the other night? Yeah…maybe a little, especially after he bought every flavor of ice cream for me, drew me a bath, and let me crash at his place without hesitating for a second. And then I flipped out on him because he was showing me an ounce of kindness?
It’s because he said things that made me feel something I don’t want to feel.
“I want to put you back together. I want to hurt them for hurting you.”
We seem to be doing this weird dance of hate and affection, where he feels like he needs to control me but then he softens up to me. It’s giving me whiplash, and I’m starting to think it might be a good idea to leave. Going into credit card debt would be worth it if it means I’m not mooching off people anymore.
Aaron came to see me yesterday, trying hard not to give me details about my neglectful parents. He’s been busy with work and unable to spend a lot of time with them, but by the sounds of it, he’s already tired of them being in his space. Which felt good to hear. A part of me is thrilled that Aaron is not having the time of his life with good ol’ Mom and Dad.
Everything with Aaron, my parents, and Dominik has amped up my anxiety.
I need a distraction.
I need to get out of this house and out of my head for a little while.
I need to empty my mind.
Sitting cross-legged on my bed, I open up the Rabbit Hole app and start typing a message to my mysterious friend.
flutteringaway — 9:43 p.m.
Are you up for a little game of hide-and-seek tonight? Let’s meet at a public bar beforehand. I’d like to make sure our chemistry is matched in person, and maybe after I down a couple of shots (that you won’t judge me for), we can head out to the forest. What do you say?
My skin tingles with nervous energy as I watch the message deliver into our open chat box. I want this. I want him. We’ve been talking for days, and he’s just the type of person I would like to get to know. He actually reminds me of Runi in ways I’d like to forget. His banter, the way he speaks…it all takes me back to that night.
It’s time to take this to the next level.
yourdarkhorse — 9:45 p.m.
I thought you’d never ask. Name the time and place.
