AllFreeNovel
Share Us
CHAPTER 5
ZOE
Aaron's tiniest guest room dwarfs my entire one-bedroom apartment in Boston. That’s not saying much considering my measly salary, but it's mind-boggling to realize how well-off my brother is, and he's just two years older than me. Maybe my parents were onto something from the beginning.
Maybe they were right, that I would never amount to anything.
“You're a worthless piece of garbage, Zoe. When are you going to fix your shit?”
They’re just words from the past. They don’t mean anything.
Then how come I can’t forget them no matter how much time passes or how hard I try?
Chugging wine straight from the bottle, I take in the giant walk-in closet and the most luxurious en suite I’ve ever seen in real life. Honestly, I would be content living out the rest of my days in this bathroom alone. The walls are covered in warm stone, giving off a feeling of endless relaxation, as if I’ve just stepped inside a luxurious spa. It even smells like one with the fresh bundle of eucalyptus hanging from the rain shower head.
Turning on the gold faucet, I watch the crystal-clear water pool in the large sink bowl. There isn’t a single speck of dust or mark of water anywhere. I’m not even sure if this bathroom has been used once since Aaron took possession. It still has that new home smell even though it’s been a few years.
Glaring at my reflection in the mirror, I feel nothing. Alcohol is amazing for numbing your senses until the next day when shame settles in. My hair is dull, my eyes are cold and lifeless, nothing about me feels good right now.
Has it ever?
Once.
That night close to Christmas years ago, when I embraced a different side of me. Indulging in some of my darkest thoughts and fantasies. I met someone who changed my world. Who met my fire with the same intensity. Showed me what it felt like to taste freedom, to not think or second-guess everything I do. He made me forget who I am. And since then, I’ve dabbled here and there when I had a chance. But that first time was unlike anything else. I think a part of me will always chase that first high with my mystery masked lover, knowing I’ll never be able to replicate it.
Draining the last of the wine, I place the bottle on the counter, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.
Turning on my heels, I stumble toward the back of the room, hypnotized by the twinkling New York City skyline stretching out into the night and beyond. It looks like it goes on forever. The vibrant energy of the city pulses in the distance, a symphony of lights painting a picturesque backdrop against the darkened canvas.
The Hudson River ripples in the night, the water shining bright like small diamonds twirling around one another in the moonlit sky. I can picture myself in bed on a rainy day, reading and occasionally staring out at the city. Being a part of it but from a comfortable distance. I’ll never even come close to owning a home like this, but standing here now, I get the allure of it all.
Who says money can’t buy happiness?
This is the definition of happiness. Emotions, love, having people to hold close, all those things leave you raw and exposed. Open for copious amounts of pain. This though, this right here is perfection. A type of happiness you can depend on.
I jump at the sound of a knock on the door.
Should have slowed down on the wine chugging.
“Come in.”
“Are you okay? Drunk yet? Do you need a bucket? Maybe more wine to drown your sorrows?”
I roll my eyes at my brother, turning to face him. “I’m fine. And sorry about…earlier.”
“No, I overstepped. I’m sorry. I just don’t like thinking about you…” Aaron says, struggling to finish his sentence.
“With men? Well, I’m sorry to have to be the one to inform you, but that ship sailed a long time ago.”
He makes a face, practically turning green like he’s about to hurl, and it makes me laugh a little. He’s so weird with sex, I wonder what his problem is.
“Stop.”
“What’s you deal with sex anyway? Or is it the fact that you don’t want to picture your little sister with dudes?” I tease, watching as Aaron grows more uncomfortable with every word.
“Let’s just forget about it,” he says. “Please.”
“Fine.”
