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“Pretty much, but I think it’sgetting worse. I mean, we still hang out, but she always makes surethere’s plenty of distance between us. Right now, she’s ignoringme.”
“Chris, my man, you have shat thebed.” Joe puts his arm around my shoulders. “Look, I know you careabout Roxie. That’s clear as day. But you did the absolute worstthing you could’ve done by walking out.”
“How? I didn’t want to just sleepwith her and have it be it. I didn’t want to be casual. And casualis all she does.”
“Tell me, how do you envision anon-casual getting together between you two?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t given itmuch thought. But I know it’s not a random hook-up over a VinDiesel movie.”
“Why not? Is an expensive dinneror whatever really necessary?”
“Well, no, but there should be anunderstanding that we’re serious about things.”
“Dude, you already spend all yourtime together. How is it not clear that she cares about you?”
“I don’t know. She’s just beingfriendly.”
“She’s not just beingfriendly. She has never introduced Liz and me to any of herhookups. Or most of her other friends. She introduced you to uswithin weeks of your arriving in Madison. You have to look at theactions, not words. Roxie has let you into her life in everyimportant way.”
I am speechless.
“Then she also wanted to see ifyou were interested in her sexually, and it seemed like maybe youwere, only you put a stop to it before it even started. Look, Idon’t know why you chickened out—you might have some shit to unpackand I don’t know you well enough to help you with that.
“I do know Roxie, though. She putherself out there, showed you desire and vulnerability, and yourejected and humiliated her.”
My eyes are about to pop out of mysockets. “I… I didn’t. I didn’t mean to reject her. Or humiliateher. That’s not what I was doing at all.”
“That’s what it looks like to me,and I bet that’s what it looked like to Roxie.” He pauses, as ifcomposing his thoughts. “Look, I’ve known Roxie a long time. She isa wonderful person. Caring, kind, loyal to a fault. She’ll doanything for the people she cares about. She has droppedeverything and been there for Liz and me more times than I cancount.
“But you don’t know her family.They’re not bad people, but they’re not good to Roxie. They reallymake her miserable. You haven’t had a chance to see how she isafter one of her visits back home, or when her parents or siblingscome over. Roxie can do no right.
“So she’s extremely,extremely guarded. Very careful about whom she lets in.Which is likely a big part of why she doesn’t date, because she’shad too many bad experiences with people treating her crappily inintimate situations, familial ones for sure, but I also suspectromantic.”
That asshole Dave comes tomind.
“You, Chris, were grantedadmission to a very exclusive club of people whom she trusts enoughto really be herself with, and you blew it. She offered youintimacy, you took a nibble, and said, ‘No, thank you.’”
“I can’t believe this,” I say,feeling increasingly panicked. “What do I do, Joe? I don’t want tolose her. Her friendship means everything.”
“I don’t know, man,” Joe says.“She’s not angry with you—if she were, it would be easy. She’s hurtand doesn’t trust you anymore. She’s closed the door. You’re notpart of her in-crowd anymore.
“If I were you, I’d figure outwhat I want from her. If you really want friendship, then that hasto be it. Do not leave things unsaid or open for interpretation,especially since you already made out, so there’s opportunity forconfusion.
“But if you want more from her,which I am guessing is the case based on the fact that you haven’tpicked up your jaw off the floor ever since she came in today, youhave to be ready to go all in. None of this wishy-washy bullshityou were trying to serve me. You pulled out of an intense situationbecause of your own shit. Figure it out before you go after Roxie,because you do not get to yank her chain. I love you, man,but I love Roxie more, she’s like a sister to me. She deserves aman who knows what he wants. I hope that turns out to be you, butif it’s not, it’s really your loss.” He ends his soliloquy bysqueezing the muscle that connects my neck and shoulder, and thegesture is encouraging and menacing in equal measure. I swallowhard.
“Okay, Joe. I hear you.” I leanforward and rest my forearms on the table. He pats me on the backand then we sit in silence that would be companionable if itweren’t a smidgen terrifying.
When I look up, Roxie’sapproaching our table with a petite young woman by her side. Thewoman is in some kind of gauzy summer dress that looks likeseafoam. Her hair is in soft reddish-blonde waves, the kind thatrequires a curling iron and plenty of time.
Roxie puts her hand on the woman’sshoulder. “Chris, this is Mindy. She works as a paralegal andthinks you’re cute. You two should talk.” She nods toward thebeverages in Mindy’s hands—a fruity cocktail and the same beer I’mdrinking right now. “This round is on me.”
She motions Joe over. He looksmomentarily confused, but then raises his eyebrows, like things arefinally clicking, and gets up. “Good to see you, Mindy,” he sayswith a small wave. Then he shrugs and gives me a “Sorry,man” expression, slides off the seat, and darts over to joinhis wife at the bar.
I don’t want to make Mindyuncomfortable, so I put on my widest, warmest fake smile, andextend my hand for a handshake. “Hi, Mindy, I am Chris. It’swonderful to meet you.” She beams and sits across from me, placingthe drinks in front of us.
Roxie turns around to leave.
“You’re not staying?” I ask.
