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“I think I’d feel even worse if Ididn’t. Too guilty. Dad insists I come a few times per year, eventhough they don’t know what to do with me once I’m there. I try togo for birthdays and major holidays. It’s Mom’s birthday thisweekend. “
“When are you coming back?”
“Sunday. Leaving Friday. Why?”
“Do you want me to go withyou?”
What the hell came over me? Whywould I suggest that?
He looks shocked, and my gutclenches with embarrassment.
“Sorry. I’m imposing. Pleaseforget I asked.”
“No! No. Roxie, no. I just don’twant you to mess up your schedule for me.”
I feel like shit again, and thistime I didn’t even get to suck his face.
“OK. I am sorry again. Always meand my big mouth.”
“Don’t. Please. It’s notthat.”
“Then what is it?” I realize Ihave raised my voice. Scylla opens her eyes and looks at me withconfusion. “Why can’t you just say or do what you want?”
Chris stiffens in his seat and thepetting hand stills on Scylla’s back. “I am not like you, Roxie.”He looks down and resumes stroking the cat’s fur. “It’s hard forme.”
“It doesn’t have to be. Just tellme what you need or want for once. Not what you think I need, orwhat you think I want to hear. Tell me what you need.”
Chris turns to me, his eyes wideopen. He looks sincere and vulnerable and just so exhausted. Ittugs at my insides. “Honestly,” he says, “it would be amazing ifyou could come with me. It never occurred to me to ask you, but Ithink that might actually be exactly what I need to make this visitbearable.”
“Say no more. Just text me theaddress. Also, your flight numbers. I will try to fly out with you,but on such short notice it might not work.”
“I can’t believe you would do thisfor me…” He looks so grateful and relieved, it takes all I’ve gotnot to throw my arms around him.
Instead, I go for casual. “Ofcourse. What are friends for?”
“I’ve never had a friend like you,Rox. Never. You’re amazing.” I can’t look at him, he’s toovulnerable. It fucking kills me that I can’t touch him, and Isuspect he feels the same. Avoiding his eyes doesn’t offer muchreprieve, either, because I can see the tension in his body, hisknuckles going white against the sofa cushion.
Chapter Twelve
Chris
Roxie was able to get seats on thesame flights as me, but we didn’t manage to sit together. I offeredto pay for her tickets but she refused, saying she’s a grown-asswoman who can cover her own airfare.
She looks awestruck as she takesin the scenery while I drive our rental car in San Diego. “Damn,Chris. Look at all this! You could live here and instead you moveto a frozen tundra?”
“Sunshine isn’t all it’s crackedup to be.”
She turns to me, a look of worryon her face. “It must really suck being near family.”
I nod. “Look, there’s something Ihaven’t told you.”
“Shoot.”
“I haven’t brought anyone homesince I was in high school.”
She flinches. “Seriously?”
“Never. Not a friend, not agirlfriend. No one.”
