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She nods against my bicep.
“Just promise me you won’t getjumpy or defensive, or run over to your bed.”
“I can’t promise you that.” Shedoesn’t retreat, but I wish I could see her face.
“Fair enough.” I take a deepbreath. “Roxie, I love you.”
She stiffens.
“I’m crazy about you. I’ve alwaysbeen drawn to you, even when we were in college. Then I moved back,and ever since we started hanging out, I’ve been barely holdingmyself back, but it’s pointless. I’m completely fucking gone foryou.
“I know you said you didn’t dorelationships. But I do, and that’s what I want. What I’ve alwayswanted.
“I thought I could be casual withyou, but I can’t. I’m sorry. It kills me that you don’t want toclaim me, shout from the rooftops that we’re together the way Iwant to.”
She doesn’t say anything, but shedoesn’t shift in my arms, either. She’s perfectly still, maybeholding her breath, waiting. Her hand is still cupping my jaw.
“And the more we were together,” Icontinue, “the more it gnawed on me, that I couldn’t think straightwhen we’re not together, and that you didn’t feel the same.”
“You never said anything,” shefinally speaks.
“I didn’t want to risk bringing itup and having you call it quits. My shrink says it has to do with …well, you’ve met my mom. You saw how she was with me.”
She simply strokes my cheek,trying to reassure me.
“So I got frustrated, and then Igot mean. Remember when we met Rick?”
She nods.
“I was already all knotted up whenwe did. Then I saw him and realized who he was, and I saw red.”
“But we talked about it,” shesays.
“We did. And it worked, but onlyfor a little while. I still had to work hard to pretend like I wasbreezy and casual with you when I wasn’t. And then, a few weekslater, I ran into that piece of shit Dave.”
Roxie groans.
“That guy is vicious. I don’t knowif he’s really jealous or if his pride is hurt. But seeing himmessed with my head. He articulated every single insecurity I had.I was so overwhelmed—jealousy, bitterness, helplessness, need.”
Her breath hitches.
“Roxie, I wanted to hurt you. AndI did. You have no idea how much I wish I could take it back, but Ican’t. I am so, so sorry. I want to make it up to you.”
She remains quiet.
“Please let me make it up toyou.”
There is no response as my wordshang between us.
“Do you know why I love Liz andJoe so much?” she finally asks.
“Tell me.”
“Because I know with 100%certainty that they would never hurt me. Not on purpose, and not byaccident. They would never reject me, no matter what. I canhonestly say I love them more than anyone in my family.”
I nod, and even though she doesn’tsee it, she feels it under her palm that’s still cupping mycheek.
“I’d never introduced anyone elseI’d been seeing to them. Not a single guy. Until you.
