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“Look,” I say, “I’m in mythirties. I’ve had plenty of sex, but no real relationships.Nothing serious, ever. I’m very comfortable on my own. That’s howit’s always been. It’s also been easy to justify being alone tillnow, to say that people wanted something else, something differentthan what I was offering, because it’s been true often enough. Itwas also maybe a little sad, but it was also safe.
“But I can’t say that with Chris.He says he loves me, and he wants everything. And I actuallybelieve him.”
“Do you want everything?”Liz says softly.
“I do and I don’t. I don’t know.It’s such an unnatural state for me, having someone important.”
Liz blows on her tea. “Knowing youand having seen you two together, I think you want this,” she says.“You need to let yourself have it.”
I take a sip of tea instead ofresponding.
Liz doesn’t push and changes thetopic. “You sure you don’t want to come with us for Christmas?”
“I’m sure. Imperial Garden takeoutand code debugging in feline company will be it for me.”
****
Chris: Merry Xmas
Roxie: Right back atchaDunn
Are you in San Diego rightnow?
Chris: No, I’m at home
Dad is actually taking a few daysoff and will visit me for New Year’s
Roxie: Oh, cool. Tell him Isaid ‘hi’
Chris: You can do it yourself.I will bring him to Liz and Joe’s New Years Eve party
What are your plans this Xmas?
Roxie: Takeout and work
Chris: Mine are frozen pizzaand farting around
Roxie: LOL
Chris: You know I’m just downthe hall
Roxie: I do
Chris: OK
Roxie, please tell me if I’mpestering you. If you want me to stop texting, I will. I don’t wantto bother you
Roxie: No, it’s not that atall
I actually look forward to yourtexts
Chris: Oh you do, don’t you?
Roxie:
It’s just that texting provides mewith a little distance
I need it
