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“My job leaves me no time to develop a relationship with the right woman,” he said beneath his breath. “I don’t like it. I never did. But I’m not going to pay for a prostitute like they do. It’s not in me, I guess.”
She felt his heart open more. “I saw how lonely you are at the church, Nik.”
“I am. Five years of nonstop hell.”
“You’re doing it for a good reason. Dan will be brought over to the US. That neurosurgeon has agreed to help him. You are courageous in my eyes,” Daria admitted quietly, holding his hooded stare. “I don’t know if I could last five years down here to make enough money to pay for that kind of cutting-edge medical technique for a kid brother or sister, even if I had one. But what you’re doing? You’re a hero in my eyes.” She saw ruddiness come to his cheeks.
“I’m no hero. Don’t ever call me that, Daria. I’m as far away from one as you can get.”
The low snarl in his voice, the pain behind it, slammed into her. She saw the anger and years of regret in his eyes, heard the weariness and disappointment in his low, tortured voice. He sat down. “Okay,” she said, “I won’t repeat it.” But dammit, hewasa hero to her, whether he ever heard it from her again or not. The devastation in his expression tore at her and she knew from what Alex had said that they’d seen the rapes and murders of innocent villagers on a regular and ongoing basis. Daria couldn’t imagine what that did to the combat medics. She saw, clearly, how upset he had become. Holding out her hands, she said soothingly, “Look, let’s focus onusright now. Where are we at with Korsak’s team? With Brudin? Do you think Brudin will be tailing us tonight?”
“I’m sure of it,” Nik muttered.
She saw the tension in his shoulders, heard the mounting tightness in his voice. “Tell me what I need to do to make this solid and safe for you,” she urged. Because Nik had to convince Korsak that he was falling in love with her. That there was a relationship burgeoning between the two of them. Daria wasn’t about to put his life on the line any more than it already was.
“Just what you’re doing. Tonight, we need to look like two people who are helplessly drawn to one another.”
“Like, me touching your hand at the table while we eat? Smiling a lot? All my attention on you?”
“Yes, all those things.” Nik gave her a flat look. “I don’t imagine you ever signed up for this… I mean… us…”
“I was briefed fully on my role for this, Nik. I know I’m to be your lover. At least, in the public’s perception. It’s important we convince Korsak, and if Brudin is going to be watching us like a fox, then we just play the parts.”
He stared moodily at her. “You’ve never done undercover before.”
Daria gave him a patient look. “Listen, you’re a very handsome man in my eyes. And I like you already because of what Alex and Lauren have shared with me about you. I’m not stressed out about it, Nik. Does that put you at ease?” Daria could see some of the shadowed worry in his eyes dissolving beneath her sincerely-spoken words. If he only knew how powerfully drawn she was to him! And yet, she didn’t DARE breathe a word of the truth to him. He had enough on his plate to handle. And she wasn’t completely surehewas drawn toher, even though the signs were there.
Releasing a breath, Nik sat back, slowly rubbing his palms down his long, curved thighs. “That is good to know. A relief, really. I will have to kiss you goodnight at your door tonight. Brudin will take it all back to Korsak and give him a report. Are you okay with that?”
Her heart cracked a little because now she realized Nik was a chivalrous knight of old. He lived his life within those boundaries. Alex had told her as much. But then, Alex was just like that, too. Daria could see why they were brothers in arms, and fellow combat medics, sharing so much in common as they did. Yet, the rest of Korsak’s team were little more than barely-controlled predators toward all women. “I’m more than okay with that. It’s just a show to convince Korsak. I’ll be fine with it, Nik. Don’t worry.”
“I worry.” He shot to his feet and began to pace, his fists opening and closing at his sides as he moved around the room. “I’ve seen too many Quechua women and girls harmed by Korsak and his team. I cannot get their cries of terror and pain out of my head. I live in fear of ever making any woman feel powerless and fearful of me.”
Getting up, Daria stopped him mid-stride, reaching out, curving her hand around his arm. She felt his bicep, tight and lean. He halted, turning, his eyes dark with anguish as he stared down at her.
“I’m looking forward to kissing you,” she whispered unsteadily. And that was all she could say to try and convince Nik that she didn’t want him to angst over hurting her. Daria couldn’t imagine the hellish life he lived under these ongoing circumstances. Alex had told her it had gotten so bad that he couldn’t deal with it any longer, glad to be out of the team. Glad to be in the US. He worried about Nik remaining in this situation, what it was doing to him.
Now, as Daria searched his eyes, she saw the utter hopelessness, the suffering palpable in his blue gaze. She wanted, in that moment, to throw her arms around his shoulders, draw him to her, share her warmth, her ability as a woman to give him a momentary safe harbor. Daria knew she could do that for Nik. The raw, unhinging violence of seeing men hurting others had torn open a canyon of pain within him. He was, after all, a medic. A healer. He lived to help stop suffering, not watch it occur and not being able to do anything about it. The tension in him was palpable as he stood stiffly, watching her.
He was fragile, Daria slowly realized as she searched his gaze. Nik was not hiding from her in any way, and what she saw was horrifying to her. He’d carried so much anguish over so many years, helpless to stop the constant violence from happening to people who could not defend themselves. Her fingers curved more surely around his arm. “Listen, we’ll get through this together. You and I. We’ll convince them, no question. And you must know that I’m not disgusted or feel uneasy about pretending to fall in love with you, Nik.”
Daria forced a tight smile for his benefit and gave his arm a little shake. “You’re not hurting me. I personally like you. Okay?” She bit back the words that he was a good man, just as he’d requested. Nik didn’t believe he was good at all because he’d allowed those predatory men to hurt others.
“Are you SURE?” Nik demanded, digging into her gaze. “Are you VERY SURE, Daria?”
To hell with it.Daria realized in those tense seconds that, of the two of them, she was the less wounded. “Let me show you how I feel about you,” she breathed, sliding her arms around his tight shoulders, leaning upward. She placed her lips against the harsh line of his mouth. Instantly, she felt Nik tense. He was shocked by her boldness as her mouth moved softly against his, asking him to participate. And then, she felt him relax as the heat rapidly built between them. She was taking a terrible risk by doing this but, as his lips parted, almost shy in their exploration of her offering, she wanted to cry for all that Nik had endured. No one but another military person who had been in battles could truly understand the depth of wounding the combatant carried. She felt an explosion of surprise and disbelief shatter through him as he lifted his hands, gently framing her face.
Daria closed her eyes, her flesh reacting wantonly as he leaned into her mouth, taking hers more surely, sliding, tasting and feeling his awakening, but tightly controlled, desire. Daria had been kissed before. She knew when a man really wanted to kiss her or not. Nik was holding back. She could feel it all through him as his long fingers closed more firmly against her face and gently angled it so that he could afford full contact with her searching mouth against his. She felt his terribly fragile state, the surprise at her action, the warmth that swirled and built like a bonfire between their barely-touching mouths. Daria stood quietly, no longer the aggressor, but simply allowing Nik to explore her at his own pace, as if deciding what he wanted to do.
Her heart snagged in her chest as she felt his continued hesitation and yet felt the strength of his mouth brushing against hers, tasting her. This was one-sided. Her side. She ached for Nik, as woman to his man. But it wasn’t mutual. He was sipping from her lips, as if testing her, as if to adjust to her needs and desires. She wanted to cry, but instantly shoved that reaction deep down inside her.
And then, she felt something snap and break within Nik. Not in the literal sense, but she felt a huge shift within him but was unable to define what it was or what it meant. His moist breath flowed across her nose and cheek. Then, her world tumbled into a shocking heat as he stepped closer, pressing the length of his hard, male body against her softer, curved one. His mouth was no longer hesitant or shy. In the next second, she felt him open her lips with contained strength, deepening their kiss, widening his exploration of her, his lips gliding hungrily against her own. A soft moan rose in her throat, her arms tightening around his neck as she surrendered completely to his embrace, to the gentle strength of his mouth against hers. Her lower body throbbed, hungry for his touch.
Her mind was barely functioning now as she became lost in the heat, scent and power of him as a man wanting his woman. And it was clear to her that he WANTED to kiss her now. Whatever had happened at first, whatever hurdle or wall he’d encountered within himself, was now dissolved. This man knew how to kiss. He reminded her sharply of Luke, who had taken great pleasure in slow exploration of every nook and cranny of her mouth and body. Nik was the same… only… better.Much better.
Her knees began to feel weak, and Daria had to lean heavily into him to remain standing. Nik sensed her quandary and eased his hands from her face and allowed them to drift across her shoulders and slide down the long length of her spine and cup her hips. When he splayed his strong fingers out across her hips and brought her firmly against his erection, she groaned, deepening the kiss between them. Her whole body went red-hot and she nestled her hips wantonly against his own. Daria didn’t want to think about what was happening. It was very clear to her right now that Nikdidwant her. As his tongue slowly moved across her lower lip, tasting her, she moved sensually against him, letting him know she liked it. And, as his tongue touched hers, Daria clung to him, hungrily returning that first contact.
She was breathing raggedly as Nik reluctantly eased his mouth from hers. Lips throbbing from the power of his kiss, she dragged her lashes upward, meeting his dark, searching cobalt gaze. He was trembling. But so was she. Daria saw shock in his eyes, entwined with the sudden new realization that she liked kissing him just as much as he liked kissing her. There was raw arousal in his eyes and she absorbed the hardness of his erection against her soft belly. Her arms unlocked from around his neck and she fiercely held his searching gaze, filled as it was with a mixture of awe, arousal, surprise and pleasure.
