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He scowled, his hands stilling over the packet. “Is that what you want?”
“Yes.”
“I’m out here for nine months out of every year, Sierra.”
“I got that.” She opened her hand, sliding her fingers down the wet side of the water bottle. “Don’t you feel it?”
“What?”
“Whatever’s between us? Neither of us is blind, deaf or dumb. We’re old enough to know if we’re interested in the other person.” She was afraid of rejection, but Sierra cared too much for him to remain silent. His face grew thoughtful. The hardness in his eyes softened as he regarded her. She felt her heart opening so wide that she wanted to draw in a deep, deep breath. If she didn’t tell him now…
“I can’t promise you anything, Sierra. You’re not a woman who’s into a few nights in a bed.”
And that was all he was offering her after all this! Pain stabbed through her. Tearing her gaze from his, she stared down at the bottle. “I know you are not promising me anything.” The words came out low, almost painful. She felt her heart collapse with anguish.
Mace opened the heated-up packet of stewed apples. He stuck the spoon in it and held it toward her. “Try and eat these?”
Tears stung her eyes, but she forced them back. The moment their fingers touched, she wanted to throw her arms around Mace and never let him go. There was something good and honest between them. “Thanks,” she said, taking the container from him and picking up her utensil.
“Tell me about your cabin,” he urged.
She spooned a bit of the apples spiced with cinnamon and sugar into her mouth. They tasted good. Her stomach growled in appreciation. Swallowing them, she said, “It’s a two bedroom, two story cabin.”
“What’s it made out of?”
Glancing over, she saw Mace looked sad. She felt the same way. “Pine. It sits up on a hill surrounded with mostly oak, beech and other hardwood kinds of trees, plus a few Douglas fir. Since I bought it two years ago, I try to do some little things about the place, in between missions.”
“Like what?”
“I want to build flower boxes beneath the windows on either side of the front door. The first year, I built a picket fence around it. And I put in a garden, but stupidly, I didn’t enclose it in a high enough wire fence and the deer came in and ate everything.” She saw him smile a little, a glitter in his gray eyes she couldn’t translate. The ache in her heart was widening. If only… If only Mace wanted some other kind of life for himself apart from this one. Sierra didn’t try and fool herself. He wasn’t a man who could be tamed by a woman.
Even after marrying Ana Beth, he’d gone off to war. It was a part of him. She secretly wished that his need of home and hearth was stronger than the call of the military. There were men like him. She’d seen them often enough. The family came second.Always.
Why did it hurt her so much, then? She wasn’t an idealist. She was a solid realist. Even with Jeb, she’d known what she’d been getting into. But they had dared to dream together and look what had happened.
She spooned more warm apples into her mouth. The tartness tasted good along with the sweetness.
“Yeah, deer will tear up a garden in a helluva hurry,” Mace murmured, smiling a little. He folded his hands, watching her. “Did you build the cabin or was it there already?”
“No, I bought it. It was a shell. Some of the guys and girls from Shield Security helped me finish the inside of it. Some knew how to do dry wall, others wanted to paint, a couple of the guys were great at electric and plumbing.”
“What does it look like inside, Sierra?”
His low voice vibrated through her, as if stroking her.
She licked her lips and finished off the apples. “Old fashioned.” And then she gave him a half shrug. “Like me, I guess.” Her words sounded so hollow to her. She wanted to cry.
Swallowing, she added, “It’s like stepping back into the early-1900s. I’ve always loved that era. The lights are hurricane lamps. Only now, they have electric bulbs instead of kerosene in them. And I have red calico curtains at the front windows above the double sinks. I close them at night. I have an oak rocker I love to rock in. It’s in the living room. There’s an old-fashion couch made of dark-green velvet and mahogany. In fact, Lauren Parker, my friend, and sister sniper, found it at an old antique place in Alexandria.” She smiled a little and forced herself to look over at Mace. The change in his expression was startling. There was no longer that hardness in the planes of his face. His mouth was relaxed, a faint smile tipping its corners. In that moment, he didn’t look like a Special Forces warrior. He looked like a man who was happy.
“Do you have a claw foot tub in the bathroom?” he wondered.
“I do. A huge one. It’s my favorite place. I love to soak in a hot tub of water when I get off an assignment. I have lacy white curtains with small white velvet polka dots on them over the large window. It’s a big room, and there’s a white sheepskin rug on the floor. I have a large shower in there as well. But I love my long soaks in the tub.”
“Do you have a guest bedroom?”
“Yes. It has a queen-sized bed in it with a beautiful old quilt I bought from this amazing woman.” She smiled a little, her voice becoming more animated. “You should see it, Mace. It’s all velvet squares of different colors. I just love it so much. I had a pair of dark-blue velvet drapes made for the two windows in that room. I love to go in there and just run my hands across that fabric. It feels so luxurious.”
“I think you’re a haus frau at heart,” he said, smiling a little with her.
