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Ada woke first the next morning and started packing, socks scattered around her looking for pairs. The bed shifted and then Sadie said, ‘Good morning.’ She sounded awkward, not like her at all, as she said, ‘I’ve been thinking.’ Ada looked up but couldn’t quite see her, the angle was wrong, Sadie was still settled into the mattress and Ada was on the floor, naked, her butt pressing into the cold wood. She said ‘OK’ to the base of the bed.
Sadie went on. ‘Is it going to be weird for me to stay here when you go to Florida? I love Mel and I’m … trying to be helpful around the place but … is it going to be weird?’ Ada returned to her socks and said, ‘It won’t be weird at all. You’ll get the bed to yourself and the room will be tidier but otherwise it’s going to be the same. You’re not like paying rent with sex if that’s what you’re worried about,’ and Sadie laughed and said, ‘No, it’s just an unusual situation. I know you said I could stay as long as I wanted and my ticket back is in October so I’ve been thinking of that as when I leave here, I guess. But if that doesn’t work for you at any time, I want you to tell me.’ Ada stood up to grab a skirt off the hanger and looked at Sadie and said everything was fine with her but they should keep checking in. Sadie made them vegemite and avocado toast for breakfast because she’d been gifted a loaf of homemade sourdough the day before and Ada commented that she seemed just like the kind of person who would be gifted sourdough. Sadie said, ‘I feel like you’re insulting me but I can’t deny it, people love to give me bread.’ And then Sadie went out for the day and Ada finished packing and that was where they were as Ada hurtled north.
As the stations ticked away, Ada became increasingly calm though she knew that made no sense. The flurry of the weeks of messaging and the anxiety of the silent days was all going to flatten out now, one way or another. She told herself that this would be a romantic story that they would tell together or a funny story that she’d tell alone. They might not have fun at all, though she doubted that would be the case. Ada was very good at being entertained by exactly the person she wished to be entertained by, a skill that had carried her cheerfully through endless Tinder dates with people she realised, afterwards, that she was desperately bored by. She didn’t think Stuart would bore her, but if he did then he only had a day to do it and then she was gone – trains, planes and automobiles, as far away as she could get.
She thought about what they might have for dinner and realised she didn’t know what he liked to cook but determined to devour whatever it was. Or maybe he’d take her to a favourite restaurant, somewhere in Chinatown or a pub with a perfect selection of pies. She considered where she’d take him if he were in London, what she’d want her choice to say to him about who she was and who she wanted him to be with her.
The train announced that they were approaching Liverpool Lime Street and Ada wondered, abstractly, if her life was about to change. She wanted to message Stuart and ask if his was about to change but she kept her pledge and stood up, unsticking her dress from her thighs. She pulled her purple zip-up hoodie from her bag, the only jumper she’d packed, and put it on, picked up her backpack and went to the exit.
When she stepped off the platform she headed to the turnstiles and saw Stuart bouncing up and down on his toes on the other side. His hair was paler than she’d thought, a kind of nowhere brown, and he was wearing a self-consciously scruffy T-shirt that said ‘Apples in Stereo’ and nondescript jeans. He waved to her and her instinct was to turn and run, get back on her train or any train, it didn’t matter which city she got off at, it just shouldn’t have been this one. But she put her ticket into the gate and went through and walked straight to him and put her arms around him. He was so much taller than her, which she’d known because she’d asked, but she hadn’t really known it until he bent slightly to hug her back. He smelled like salt but she couldn’t name the kind.
Ada pulled away from him and looked up into his face and he looked away immediately.
‘How was the train?’ he said to his left shoulder and Ada felt a dip for just a moment then straightened up and touched his arm.
‘Well, a rude man decided he didn’t want to sit next to me so it was actually kind of delightful,’ and Stuart turned away from her and said, ‘I thought we could get some lunch before we go to the gallery.’ He was scanning the concourse as though searching for someone else and his hands were furling and unfurling. He scratched his neck and for a moment Ada imagined him as a mangy dog. But what she said was, ‘I ate on the train but I can always eat again.’ He said, ‘OK let’s find a cafe,’ and walked towards the exit leaving her to follow. She pulled out her phone to message Mel and tell her she was safe and saw that her mother had messaged the family WhatsApp group. She opened it and there was a picture of Gabby, lying sweaty on a stack of pillows, holding a red wrinkled baby.
Ada kept following Stuart as she stared. The message said, ‘Look who decided to join us early! Orion Highfield Mathers, 5 pounds 9 ounces but strong and healthy. Thank god we got in last night, I guess he was waiting for us. Gabby will check in when she’s had some rest. Love you.’ Ada’s first thought was, ‘Is Highfield his middle name then? Or are they hyphenating?’ and she felt ashamed because that wasn’t her business really. She realised she was outside now, at the top of a huge bank of steps and she called, ‘Stuart.’ He was halfway down but he turned back, looked at her properly and saw whatever it was that was running over her face. He called out, ‘Are you OK?’ and she said, ‘My sister had her baby and I’m … very far away,’ and she started to cry.
Stuart ran up the steps – he really was so tall, she thought – and he took her arm and sat them both down at the top. Teenagers sat nearby smoking pointedly and there was a busker singing ‘Yesterday’ at the bottom but the kind of busker who is selling CDs and has a proper amp. Stuart pulled her into his chest and she felt how sunken it was, all that stretched over him was skin and cotton and she put her hand up next to her face. Placed her palm face down and felt the trace of his nipple. He spoke nervously.
‘I’m sorry that you weren’t there but I’m glad that you’re here,’ and she pulled away slightly, ran her hand over her face and said, ‘Me too.’ She touched his cheek and held it until he kissed her and before she lost herself, she thought, ‘That’s better.’
SIXTEEN
From: Hank Mathers
To: Gabby Highfield, bcc: me
To our beloved family and friends,
Please welcome to the world Orion Highfield Mathers, our blessed baby boy. Orion arrived a little ahead of schedule, but as Gabby said, when have we ever done anything on a normal timetable? Our precious little guy was clearly ready to join the party and we’re thrilled that he’s here.
The labour was a rollercoaster for all of us but Gabby was a superhero and she and the baby are both now as strong and healthy as can be. Special thanks to Gabby’s parents who have taken advantage of their jet lag and stayed up with me and Orion all night so Gab could get some rest! I couldn’t ask for better in-laws and I hope one day we can eat dinner in a restaurant instead of a hospital cafeteria!
I have never been so full of love in my entire life as I am when I look at little Orion. I’m sure you’ll all have questions about his name but try to save them until we see you in person – it’s quite a story! We won’t be receiving non-family visitors at the hospital but we’ll let you all know when we get home so you can come and witness our tiny miracle for yourself. We’re so grateful for everyone’s prayers throughout this pregnancy and hope that you can keep our little family in your thoughts as we all learn how to be together.
Photos attached – please don’t share them to Facebook (I’m talking to you, Mom) or any other social media site. We’re trying to keep Orion’s face and name offline as much as possible.
Love you all,
Hank (and Gabby and baby Orion)
SEVENTEEN
After the kiss, Stuart’s nerves disappeared but Ada realised his restlessness was a feature not a bug and folded it into her understanding of him. He was never still, always scratching at nothing, standing up when it made sense to sit and swiping at her clothes and her arms but never settling on them. She had heard that long bodies ‘unfurled’ but his unfolded instead, snapping open and closed with every movement.
As they sat on the steps, Ada talked about Gabby and asked Stuart why she felt like she loved Orion already.
‘Because he’s a piece of your sister and you love her,’ he said and she didn’t correct him because maybe she did love her sister after all. She knew she wanted desperately to hold this baby and what sense would that make if she didn’t love Gabby? So maybe Stuart was right.
‘I don’t really get the name choice,’ she said and Stuart had an idea and stood up. He started walking down the stairs. He reached back to grab her but didn’t hold her hand, instead dragging her by the wrist, down down down, and then rounding her up to keep her walking in the right direction. Pacing around her, nudging her this way and that, kissing her on the top of the head when they stopped at a traffic light, then pushing pushing pushing. He was suddenly talking a lot, pointing out landmarks but not slowing to let her see them, and listing places they could eat for dinner without offering much description of the food.
Liverpool was moving around Ada and she couldn’t determine yet if the greyness of the buildings was beautiful or sad. It had the same crowded streets and stray grime as every other British city but there was a freshness on the wind that felt different. She guessed it was the air blowing off the water and felt a twist of affection for this new place with a harbour, just like her home. She hoped they could go and see it and when she said that to Stuart he said distractedly, ‘The harbour? Yeah later, I want to check something first,’ and she allowed herself to be shepherded further along. He stopped abruptly on a corner and she held on to his arm, trying to make herself small to avoid the pedestrian crush.
‘Sorry, are you OK? Am I going too fast? I just realised you have no idea where we are,’ and he said this to her with real embarrassment in his voice. Ada couldn’t have that so she said, ‘I’m totally fine. Not knowing where I am is exciting,’ and she kissed him on that corner with a street pole pressed against her back and a ticking traffic light letting her know they were missing their crossing. Later Ada would say to Stuart, ‘You know that noise at traffic lights to let blind people know to cross? That was invented in Australia,’ and he’d say, ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about, weirdo,’ and she’d wonder if she’d heard it at all.
Eventually they stopped in front of a massive, beautiful stone building, the kind that would have floored her before she spent two years drifting around Britain looking at massive, beautiful stone buildings.
