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I nod, fighting back tears, blinking quickly. "Do you want me there?"
"Only if you want to be there. Boone asked that I keep him updated, and I most certainly will. Matthew will text him when I'm going back and when I come out. He's happy to have you there with himif that's what you want. It's important that it be your decision. There have been so many things in your life," she stops, and licks her lips. "So many situations I've put you in, that weren't what you wanted."
I'm struggling to keep it together. Getting up, I head around the table and wrap my arms around her. "No matter what, you're still my mom and I don't want anything to happen to you."
She nods, breathing into my shoulder. "When I found out, I knew I had to get our relationship right. I haven't always been the best mother, but I love you, and I want you to know that you're one of the best parts of me. I don't expect to be your dad, I don't expect you to come to me before him because I know how close y'all are. I will never try to discourage the relationship you have with him, but I'm going to make an effort to be around more. This scared me."
"Scares me too," I admit. "I'll be there when you have surgery. Just let me know what day it is."
She rattles off a date two weeks from now. "I know," she groans when I look at her. "I want this out of me, and I hate knowing I have to wait. If it were up to me, I would've gotten it taken out at the doctor's appointment where they discovered it."
I'm so glad to know she doesn't want to mess around, that she wants it out of her body. "Do you know what time your surgery is yet?"
"I won't know that for sure until the week of, but I'll let you know." She sighs. "I'm sorry I had to even tell you the news, but I didn't want to do it over the phone. Please, what's going on with you?"
Typically, I wouldn't mention a woman in my life to her. Because I've learned she may not be around as often as I want her to, and why let the woman in my life get attached to my mom when I can't even allow myself to be attached to her. But this has shown me I need to open myself up to it more. "I met someone," I answer simply.
Her face and eyes brighten. She leans forward. "Tell me all about her."
My face warms, and I know I'm eight shades of red, but I've always been easily embarrassed. "She's great, I've had something for her for a while."
"What does a while mean?" She grins.
"We've been flirting for a year. It came to a head on Halloween, and we've been hanging out since. She's not from here, so I've been showing her some of the cool stuff to do around here. It's interesting to see it through her eyes."
"That sounds so sweet. I'm happy for you, Abel. You deserve to have love and be loved. I know you haven't always felt that way, because of the situations your dad and I put you in. I've never said I'm sorry about it."
This hits me right in the chest. I'm doing my best to keep it together.
"It's important for me to say how sorry I am now. There's no putting it off. Life isn't always promised, and I've learned more than I ever thought possible the last week and a half. I can't change what happened before today, but I can going forward, and I promised myself when I saw you again, I'd do it. So, this is me saying I'm sorry, and I love you. I don't expect you to immediately include me in your life. You're an adult, but I will make more of an effort to be in yours." She tilts her head, smiling sadly. "I wish it hadn't taken this to get me to realize it."
"I love you Mom, and none of us are perfect. Dad got me in therapy as a teenager, because of some anger I had toward you."
She interrupts me. "I don't deserve you or your dad or Matthew. All of you have been graceful in ways I never was."
"Well, that's the good thing about therapy. You learn how to take people for what they are willing to give you. I forgave you a long time ago, and I learned you gave me what you could at that time. I don't blame you. I don't know how I would've reacted having a baby at the age you and Dad had me. Placing blame does nothing for any of us. Just fuckin' answer my texts when I reach out," I roll my eyes in exasperation, hoping to diffuse some of the emotions of the moment.
She laughs, dabbing at the corners of her eyes. "I promise. I've let my guilt where it comes to how I've treated you, go. I'm open to whatever you want to give me, and I appreciate you being willing to meet me halfway."
I reach over, hooking my arm around her neck, bringing her in for a hug. It's been a while since we hugged, and I make sure to squeeze tighter.
* * *
When I leave coffee with her, I head toward my dad's. I should probably text first since he's probably there with Alexis, but I'm not thinking clearly. When I pull up, I see her Jeep in the driveway. For a few minutes, I sit there, debating on going up, and knocking on the door. There are now privacy rules in place. Sighing, I start my truck again, and put it in gear, when I see Dad coming out of the door.
"Abel, we're here, don't leave," he yells.
Alexis comes out behind him, her arms crossed over her chest, a sad look on her face. He must have told her. I shove it back into park, shut it off, and bail out the front door. "Dad..." I can't say anything else as I run toward him. He catches me easily, like he always has.
"I know," he whispers softly near my ear. "She told me. Are you okay?"
I pull back, rolling my lips together. "I'm in shock. I never expected..."
"None of us do, but life has a way of happening, even when we don't want it to." He crosses his arms over his chest.
"I'm so sorry, Abel," Alexis says, reaching forward to give me a quick hug. "I can leave if you need me to."
"No, stay. I just needed a hug from my dad."
