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He holds his kiss on my lips, waiting for me to return it and because my body reacts without my permission when it comes to Jax, I open up my mouth and let his tongue dance with mine.
It's a painfully delicious kiss. One that will brand itself into my mind forever. One that I craved for a whole decade. Time was never on our side but in this moment, it stands still.
He holds the side of my face while his other hand grips my hip hard. My hands claw at his shirt as we kiss like we're dying, but my mind catches up. He can't just take this from me. He doesn’t deserve to take what he wants when he took away what I wanted.
I reach my knee up and land it in his crotch to push him off me.
“Jax, what the fuck?” Jax doesn't even react to the solid attack on his dick, probably because I fucking missed like an idiot. But his hands are pulling at his hair as I touch my lips.
Either because I want to savor that kiss forever or I'm shocked that it happened at all, I can't be sure what I'm feeling the most right now.
“Shit! I’m sorry, I-”
“That is crossing the fucking line.” I feel the sting of tears in my eyes. I’ve wanted that for so long and I’m angry at him for taking it like that. I’m mad that I have to reject him. I’m hurt that it felt so fucking nice.
“I know, but-”
I put my palm up to him.
“No, save it. I can’t believe you did that. You’re so fucking selfish.” I was about to call a truce, to find a way to let him back in. But then he had to go and make the decision himself again. Because he only thinks about himself.
“I said I’m sorry, Hollis. I couldn’t fucking help it.” He’s crestfallen, expressing that he really did just act in the moment, and he knows that what he did was wrong.
But he kissed me, and now he's made things worse. It was bad enough that we were so close to begin with. All I'm going to be able to think about is the way he smells and the way his eyes burn into my soul.
But now, there'sthis.
“God Hollis, you are insufferable sometimes. You know that? I didn’t ask you to block me from your life. I left damn well knowing that I still wanted you in mine. I’m trying my fucking hardest to get to the bottom of whatever is making you so damn mad at me, but you can’t seem to let me in.”
I was going to. But now I hate him even more.
“Yeah, well maybe you need to try harder then.” Okay, so my brain isn't functioning right now because who the fuck am I to give him an invitation totry harder?
“Whatever I have to do. You have no fucking idea how hard it is for me to see you like this when I-” he steps forward and I step back.
I need space. I need air. It sounded like he was going to tell me something, but I refuse to listen to him any longer.
“I don’t care, Jax. I have to get back to work. Or do you wanna buy that from me as well?” I don't give him any more time to stop me from leaving this room, it's crowded in here…and that kiss.
“No, I’m trying to tell you something." He reaches for me at the same time I open the door and walk out into the hallway. He now becomes aware that if he continues, the whole restaurant might hear us, and he knows that will make me even more upset.
“I'm not interested, Jaxon. Try to stay away this time,” I warn before turning on my heel and walking down the hallway, satisfied that I am leaving him the same way he left me.
ten
Jax
Shewalkedawayfromme…again.
But I felt like we were on the cusp of progress. If only I hadn’t let myself get too fucking greedy.
How was I supposed to just stand there with her staring at me like that? I thought she felt it too. And maybe if I had told her what I wanted to tell her before I just acted on instinct, the whole situation would have gone differently.
But here I am, annoyed, confused, pissed off at myself yet mesmerized by a woman who can’t stop walking away from me.
Though she’s right, I don’t know her anymore and as much as I want to fight and argue against it, I have to accept it.
Is it crazy of me to just come back to town, having all this time between us, but wanting to just get back to where we were? Yeah, it is. Because we grew up and we changed. And in that, we grew from each other. But not just that, she intentionally tried to block me out of her life. It's becoming more and more obvious that I have to approach this as a new beginning entirely—a new book and not just a new chapter. Though I can’t help that my heart wants to try and reignite a flame that it didn’t even get a chance to light in the first place. Then I had to fuck it all up by kissing her?
