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I notice the moment Hollis takes in a deep breath and leans up on her toes slightly. She gets closer and closer, almost in slow motion. We’re already so close in this small ass closest that I feel my senses kick into overdrive.
Is she about to kiss me? I almost let her. I mean, that's what I want. But I don't want her to kiss me out of pressure. Out of obligation because the rules say so. And I don't want her first kiss to be like this…with me.
“Holli, what are you doing?” I ask as I hold my hands up between us, stopping her from making a huge mistake.
I’m supposed to protect her, not ruin her future.
“I just- I…” She leans back down, flat on her feet and I can see the war battling in her eyes, on the verge of something emotional, or so it looks like.
I take a step back, with the space that I’m given, and try to distance the two of us. Even if I did want to kiss her, even if I did want to take this friendship to the next level, I wouldn’t want it to be in this filthy and cramped closet. She deserves better than that.
"Hollis, you don’t have to do that.” I try to reassure her again, and she closes her eyes and squeezes them shut as her chest rises from her deep breath.
I’m conflicted. I know she’d be kissing me out of compliance of this stupid game’s rules, and I would be taking it as a selfish asshole who wants more from his best friend. And then I’d leave for who knows how long. What would even happen between us?
I know it’s the right thing, to stop her from doing something she’d regret.
Suddenly, Hollis perks herself back up and a smile crosses her face.
“I was just gonna hug you, silly. I’m going to miss you, that’s all I was trying to say.” She leans back up and pulls me into a hug, her arms wrapping behind my neck, and I let her embrace me as relief and disappointment battle it out in my head and my heart. Disappointment wins but I shove it aside to bring forth the logic in her actions.
I simply return the hug, my hands resting on her back, and I whisper, “I’m gonna miss you too, Holli.”
We let go of the hug right as someone opens up the door, everyone peering in to see us letting go of an embrace that might have been construed to be anything but two friends hugging it out.
But before we exit the closet, I turn to her.
“Promise we’ll stay in contact while I’m away?”
“I promise,” she whispers as she squeezes my hand, never even really realizing we were holding hands in the first place.
And that was the last time I ever heard from her again.
twelve
Hollis
PRESENT DAY
“Yeah,that’sdefinitelyLiam,and that’s definitely not you, girl.”
I snatch my phone out of Jaelynn’s hand.
“No shit, Jae,” I say sarcastically.
“And you received this yesterday and still haven’t said anything to him?” She leans back in the leather chair of the library cafe we met up at.
“I don’t know. I guess I’m still trying to find the shock factor in all of this. I don’t want to approach him and seem emotionless to his infidelity. But I also don’t care to ask him for an explanation.” My admission barely registers to me, because I feel like this would be the type of thing that I’d be jumping at the opportunity if only just to let out some of my stress.
“You sure are calm about it.” She observes, folding one leg over the other.
My thoughts exactly, bestie.
“I think that’s the problem. That should mean something right? Like maybe this relationship is a lot less valid to me than I let myself believe.”
“And why do you think that is?”
I shrug.
