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“Mine. And also, can you please call your mom back. She’s called me seven times because you won’t answer your phone. I told her you were fine, but I know her and anything else I would have said might have caused chaos.” I roll my eyes and I mentally thank Jae for knowing when to keep her mouth shut, which is hardly ever.
“Sorry, Jae. See you soon,” I say before I let the phone call end.
“Hey, Siri. CallThe Best Dad Ever,” I shout at my phone.
“Calling, The Best Dad Ever.”
The phone rings.
“Hollis? ¡Mija, estábamos tan preocupados por ti!” My dad speaks in a distressed tone, letting me know that he and my mother have been worried about me and I instantly feel regret. I knew calling him would eliminate some of the blow but I forgot how much easier it is for me to feel annoyed at myself for letting him worry about me.
“Daddy, I’m fine. My phone died. But I’m on my way to work now. Sorry I didn’t check in.” I try to keep it short but also not give him the full truth because I don’t want him to worry about me even more than he already does.
“Did she say her phone died? All night? Let me talk to her.” I hear my mom getting loud behind my dad.
“Hollis, we heard there was an accident at the bar,” my dad inquires.
“It was nothing. There was a motorcycle who tried to avoid hitting an animal that darted into the road. Listen, dad. Tell mom I’m fine. I promise this won’t happen again.” I hate that I feel like I have to keep accounting for myself to them. I've moved out, and I’m doing fine on my own…kindof. But they need to loosen the reins a little—especially my mom.
“She’s not happy, but I’ll talk to her. I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Leo, she needs to be here on Sunday,” my mom says.
“She will be, honey.” I hear him whisper to her behind a muffled sound—probably putting his palm over the speaker.
“Thanks for calling us back, Hollis. Hope you have a good night at work and we’ll see you on Sunday.” My dad sneaks in that last part and I roll my eyes.
I think to end the call, but I decide to say something else first.
“Mom? Dad?”
I pause.
“I love you.”
There’s a beat of silence. I let my eyes focus on the road as I wait to hear their response.
I love my parents. I really, truly do. It wasn’t their fault they had a kid that ended up being everything they didn’t want or expect her to be. Dark, sad, lost.
But I know that they try. But both of my parents love me. And I love them. I guess I just wished they would believe in me just the same.
“We love you, too, Hollis.” It’s my mother who says it back. And I know it means a lot to her to do so. It means a lot to me too. We don’t express love very often; we just live life knowing that we’ve got each other.
But I think what I am learning about myself the most right now is that I need that validation in life. I need to hear the positive things that people feel about me.
The phone call clicks dead right as I pull into work, grinning with a newfound feeling of gratitude toward my parents. They might be overbearing but at least they haven’t left me behind.
Which leads me to Jax. How persistent he’s been despite me undyingly trying to get rid of him. He also hasn’t given up on me, at least not since he’s been back.
And our confessions of the truth shimmy back to the front of my brain as I promise myself that I will try to navigate both relationships a little bit better. The one with my parents and the one with Jax—whatever that may be.
New Year. New Me.
Or at least I fucking hope so.
twenty-eight
Jax
