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“Let’s go home,” I said with a heavy sigh.
“Which one?” Clara asked, standing up, poking at her orb with a malicious grin.
“Tía’s first. We have to tell your mom about Jo.” Clara’s eyes filled with grief, and she nodded.
It would be hard walking home without him, but I had a feeling that despite the loss, there would be a measure of comfort knowing more about him. I had the answers to questions we’d all asked, and finally, they would know too.
Turning to Caius, I gave him a sad smile. “C’mon, mate. We have a wake and a funeral to attend. No better time than now to get to know my family. This is as real as it gets.”
“Is that acceptable for me to be a part of it?” he asked, a crease between his brows.
“It is. We do it a little backwards in my family. Funeral first. We’re going to cry a lot and tell stories that will make us cry more. Then we are going to have the wake. We’re going to be loud, eat too much food, tell stories about Jo—you can share yours too—and we get drunk. That’s the Santiago way. And if you’re mated to me, my love—god, primordial, or king—you’re a Santiago.” I held his hand in mine, lacing my fingers and holding him tight. “I hope you don’t mind.”
He smiled softly. “I will always choose you, my love, and that includes your family.”
Chapter42
Reagan
Raindrops pattered on the window while I paced the room in front of the fireplace. A knock at the door set my heart jumping into my throat.
“Reagan can I come in?” Clara’s soft voice filtered in from the other side.
“Come in.”
When she entered, the warm smile on her face fell and she came to an abrupt halt as she stared at me.
“What are you doing? It's almost time.” She took in the white outfit I was supposed to be wearing—but it was sprawled on the bed. It was the same one I’d worn during our faux primal hunt. “You're not even dressed yet!”
“I'm freaking out here, Clara.” I stepped toward her, fidgeting with my hands.
She blew out a breath and put her hands on her hips to think. “Okay, well he's your mate, and you love him, so I know you're not having second thoughts. You have the full support of the family. Everyone is safe. What's going on?”
“I don't know how to be queen.”
“This again?” she asked, relief spreading across her features.
“I don't know the first thing about leading people. I barely know how to be Reagan. The grave robber. The guardian. You said so yourself, I’ve never had a chance to just live my life without fear. Everything that I've ever known was basically a lie, and I still don’t even know how to harness all my power. So not only do I have to figure out who I am, now I also have to figure out how to be queen,” I said, blurting it out in a long, quick huff of words. I ran my hands over my face and through my hair. “I’m going to have a panic attack.”
Clara rushed forward, pulling me into a hug and brushing my back with gentle strokes while shushing me in soothing tones. “Who do you want to be?” she asked.
“What?” I asked, completely taken off guard.
She sat down on my bed and took my hands, pulling me to sit on the edge of with her. “You're still Reagan. Reagan who loves to paint. Who knows how to swing a shovel better than anybody I've ever met. Reagan who taught Jo how to read. Reagan who uses her cousins as guinea pigs when she writes new recipes. Reagan who was willing to die to save everyone she loved. Reagan, a woman approaching thirty, who would rather sneak out the window than argue with her favorite cousin—that’s me now. I’ve declared it.” I huffed a small laugh, and she continued. “You are stillyou. The only difference is now you’ll be able to know new parts of yourself. Parts that aren’t limited by fear and some clock ticking toward your death or world destruction. That love you have for your family? That willingness to protect everyone at all costs? You were made a guardian by fate, but you guard and protect the ones you love by choice. That’s imbedded in your soul. That wasn’t a spell, or a cursed bloodline. You can’t make someone care. That is just who you are. Just be the person you want to be, and you’ll make a great queen,” she said.
My jaw quivered and my lip trembled as I pulled it between my teeth to make it stop. With a heavy exhale, I was finally able to speak. “Do you really believe that?”
“Of course I do. When have I ever lied to make someone feel better about themselves?” She pulled me deep into a tight hug and said, “Jo brought you back because he loved Caius, and he loved you. Whenever you want to fall into some sort of despair, just remember he gave you the chance to have the life you always deserved.”
“I miss Jo,” I said through my sniffles. “I wish he could be here today, though I’d venture to say maybe he passed on some of his wisdom to you. That was the kind of feel-good pep-talk Jo would give.”
She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I miss him so much. Ru’than or not, he was my little brother. The world feels less without him. He wasn’t much for big crowds, though. And today, that crowd is something else.”
“Well, you made me cry, and my mascara is smearing. That’s your fault, favorite cousin. So help me fix it so I don’t look like a raccoon out there.”
Clara did a little dance at being called my favorite and headed to the dresser to grab my makeup and some tissues while I changed.
Another knock at the door sounded, and I called for them to come in.
