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It has to be that.
Or maybe I’ve gone insane. Because instead of stomping on his foot or shoving him away from me, I stand there frozen. I stand there like a statue made of stone as I study his expression.
Grumpy, pissed off.
All intense and heavy.
All beautiful.
How I can think that in this moment, I don’t know.
I also don’t know how I can not rant and rage at him. How I can keep my mouth shut and tell him about all those calls people make, wanting me to work for them instead of him.
I don’t know.
And neither do I know why my answer is the most bizarre answer I could have given in this situation.
“Fine, I’ll go.”
CHAPTERFOUR
Idid it for Sophie.
That’s what I’ve been telling myself.
That I left that restaurant with him because I love Sophie. And because I think I’ll miss her, and that I don’t trust anyone else to take care of her. Or to read her moods.
I highly doubt someone else will figure out and remember for later that when she pulls on her ear, sometimes it means that she wants to be held with her head right in the center of your chest, because something is stressing her out. Or that sometimes when she wakes up grumpy in the morning, she wants strawberries for breakfast and not cereal, which is what she usually eats. And sometimes during bath times, all she wants to do is sit quietly and watch the water flow as I comb her hair, while other times she wants us to play with the fishies, and you have to figure out which is which in under two minutes or the meltdown starts.
My heart clenches to even think about someone else doing it for her.
Someone else soothing her, braiding her dark hair, making up stories about fishies conquering the sea world.
Something I only realized tonight after the threat of getting fired.
I mean, I knew I loved her but I didn’t know how much.
Which is a problem in itself.
I’m just her nanny; I won’t be that forever.
I can’t get so attached.
Ishouldn’t.
Something else I should move on from.
But in any case, I tell myself that I agree to his insane demand because I don’t want to be separated from Sophie.
And nothing else.
Notone thingelse.
Definitely not for her asshole dad.
In fact, if he had behaved with me like he did tonight even once in the six months I’ve worked for him, I would’ve quit myself. I would never have fallen in love with him. Or if I had — because essentially it was love at first sight — I would’ve found a way to put a stop to it.
But despite everything, I can’t lie to myself.
