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He shakes his head. “Maybe it’s stupid to admit but I was jealous. I was, of course, happy for them, but like an asshole I was sad for myself. I wanted that too and that’s when I met her and she,” his eyes turn all foggy, “was supposed to be a one-night stand in college. I wasn’t supposed to see her again, but then she turned up months later, pregnant. She was probably seven months or so and it was a shock, yes. But I thought… I thought maybe this was it, see. Maybe this was how it was supposed to happen for me. So I told her I’d take care of her. I’d take care of the baby. I told her we’d be a family and for a while we tried. For a while it was nice. I thought I was in love. I thought I’d found my person and it was phenomenal. A dream come true. I’d never felt that way. I thought I got everything. I was even ready to give up on soccer so I could be there. So I could help Rosie with Sophie.
“When I told her that though, things changed. Turns out she only wanted me because of soccer. Because of what I could bring to the table. In fact, she didn’t even want the baby. She just wanted a potentially famous baby daddy and I was the target. It broke me. It broke my trust. It made me feel like a fool. Love, relationships, happily ever after. I… Anyway, I told her that I’d take care of the baby even if she didn’t want it and she wanted me to pay her. Give her money in exchange for the baby. She said that if I refused she’d go to the press. She said that she’d lie about how we met, how I forced her and all that crap. She threatened to ruin my career that hadn’t even started yet. But I had a good coach. He figured out something was going on with me when I couldn’t play for shit so he… He helped me out. He went to the dean, helped me gather witnesses from the club we’d met, her friends, my friends, people that had seen us together, seen how happy we were to prove that she was lying. And I… I promised myself that I’d never do that again, fall in love and…”
I can’t help but reach up and cradle his face then. “I’m sorry.”
He blinks a few times, coming awake.
And I’m glad.
I never want him to be in that nightmare again.
“I’m so sorry. I’m… I can’t even imagine what you went through. I can’t imagine a mother leaving her child. I can’t… I can’t imagine what Sophie still has to go through when she finds out. I…” I feel tears streaming down my face. “I don’t blame you. I don’t blame you for being cautious after that. For being protective of yourself and of Sophie. For —”
“I wasn’t.”
“What?”
“Not with you.”
“Not with me?”
He takes a beat to look down at me. Then, “I didn’t use a condom.”
“You…”
“That night.”
For the second time since he got here, my eyes pop wide. Because it hadn’t even occurred to me.
It hadn’t even entered my mind.
Condoms. Protection.
And oh my God, how crazy is that?
How freaking irresponsible and insane andoh my God.
“Oh my God, I…”
“I’m clean,” he assures me. “We get tested for the team and I’ve never been with anyone without a condom. Not even with her. It was a fluke that she still got pregnant, but… I wasn’t protecting myself from you.”
I dig my fingers in his cheeks. “It’s okay though. It’s… It’s fine. If I get…” I can’t even say the word but I need to say this. “I promise I’m not like her. I’d never ever do anything to hurt you. Or Sophie or… You don’t have to worry about that with me and —”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
He looks at me carefully. “What happens to you if you do end up getting pregnant?”
I flinch at the word.
As a fresh wave of nausea and fear wash over me.
I don’t want to get pregnant right now. Getting pregnant isn’t something that I was remotely thinking about. Even so, I reply, “I’ll be fine. I’ll figure it out. I’ll —”
“But you were worried about me.”
“I…”
