AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Why?” I ask again but this time my heart’s in my throat.
His fingers traveling up from my face and going up to my hair, fisting the strands. “Because I wanted to see you.” He tugs on those strands, pulling my head back. “Because I wanted to put a fucking stop to all the bullshit that you’ve had me going through these past two weeks. And then halfway back from practice, I get your fucking text about Tara,” his jaw clenches, “So I drive like a maniac, busting through every red light, breaking every speed limit so I could get to you as soon as possible.”
My mouth parts in shock. “You busted through –”
“Every red light, yeah.”
“But that’s not very –”
“Safe or responsible, isn’t it?”
“No.”
“Much like not wearing a condom while fucking you. Or rather not stopping when I realized that I wasn’t wearing one and fucking you anyway.”
“So you r-remembered?”
“Very clearly.”
“You –”
“That’s why I pulled out every time. That’s why I made sure that every time I came, it was on you and not in you.” Then, “Well, besides the fact that I wanted to mark the body that had been driving me fucking crazy for the last six months but yeah, that’s why.”
I do remember that, him coming on me and not in me. And God, like an idiot, I still didn’t put it together. But I’m putting it together now.
“So you,” I whisper brokenly, “were protecting me while not protecting yourself?”
“You could say that,” he answers as if it hadn’t occurred to him.
“And why couldn’t you leave me alone with Tara?”
“Because she’s a vicious fucking bitch and I know she hates you now. After how I left with you that night.”
“If she’s…” I lick my lips. “If she’s so bad why did you go on a second date with her?”
“Because she wouldn’t leave me alone. Because among all the women that I’ve gone out with these past six months, she was the only one who took it very personally when I wouldn’t fuck her.”
“You wouldn’t…” I breathe out.
He shakes his head. “No.”
“And not any of those other women either?”
“Not any of those other women either.”
My hands fall to my sides then. As if I’ve lost all the energy. As if all my energy is now being used up by my crazy,crazyheart. That won’t stop spinning. That won’t stop flying around in my chest as I ask for the third time and this time, my heart has made it all the way up to the tip of my tongue. “Why?”
“Why do you think?” he asks, coming even closer. “And I’ll give you a hint: it’s not because I was being good.”
His words sound like the ones he spoke at the cabin when he was trying to warn me as he confessed his sins. And like at the cabin, my whole body is trembling and feels lit up as I say, “You weren’t?”
“No. So if I’m not doing it out of duty and if I’m not being responsible and good, what’s left, Meadow? Why do you think I’m doing all this? Getting pissed off because I have to keep my distance from you, acting irrationally, leaving my practice, breaking lights and speed limits, asking you to fucking marry me. But most importantly, why do you think I fired you when you’re the best fucking nanny in this whole world?”
I was wrong when I said that I didn’t have the energy to do anything but let my heart beat for him. Apparently, I do have some life left in me and whatever I’ve got left, I use it to cling to him. I use it to fist his shirt and whisper, “For me. You fired me forme.Because you know I’ve been struggling with walking the line and you… you took that line away.”
“I did.”
“And you did that because you…”
