Page 17 of Filthy Lawyer


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“We don’t have to discuss our hiring processes with people we don’t want.”

“Is this about the crash?” I asked. “Did I ruin my chances by leaving you on the bridge?”

“Miss Tanner, there are tons of other qualified applicants who would love to work at our firm.”

“I’m aware,” I said. “I watched everyone who went in, chatted with them when they left, and pulled up their resumes on my way home. I was the best candidate today, by far.”

His low laughter came over the line, and butterflies took flight in my stomach.

“How humble of you,” he said. “We couldn’t verify the ‘A’ in the class you mentioned.”

“Well, I definitely didn’t make that part up.”

“Are you admitting to making upother things?”

I said nothing.

“There are plenty of other firms you can apply to in the meantime,” he said. “I’m sure they’ll be happy to have you.”

“Thank you for stating the obvious, sir.”

“Are you getting an attitude with me?”

“No, but I’m curious.” I was pissed they didn’t just send an email. “Do you normally call the people you’re not hiring at ten o’clock at night, or are you that bored?”

He hung up.

PROVE (V.)

V. TO PRESENT EVIDENCE AND/OR LOGIC THAT MAKES A FACT SEEM CERTAIN

DAMIEN

Subject: Your Therapist Appointment

Mr. Carter,

As I’ve mentioned to you several times before, the more you reschedule your appointment, the more your condition will worsen.

It’s not healthy to sleep in two and three-hour spurts for extended periods, and you will eventually suffer a mental breakdown.

We need to work together to prevent this, and I’ve been studying several new treatments. Whenever you make the right decision, perhaps you’ll be inspired to say more than “I don’t feel like talking.”

I’m willing to come to your office if you cannot come to me. I can also come to your condo.

Please allow me to help you.

Sincerely,

Dr. J. Mathis

I don’t feel like talking.

I senthis email to spam like always and poured a shot of whiskey.

Tonight was a deep research night for me, and I was determined to discover that I was correct about the grade Inevergave to Miss Tanner.

Since Harvard refused to send me a copy of all my teaching records, I had to sift through every term paper I’d ever read.

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