Page 72 of Filthy Lawyer


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Determined to finally get one right, I took the elevator to the mock courtroom and hit the lights. I set my notes on the defense table and took my time walking in front of the jury, just like I’d watched Damien do countless times before.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.” I stared at the empty seats. “My client did not secretly record the sex tape of his former boss pissing on him. The evidence clearly shows that he’s far too cocky to ever let something like this get out, and that’s why you need to vote ‘not guilty.’ Not. Guilty.”

Onto draft number two.

“There are only two words that will finally bring this embarrassing saga to an end for my client,” I said. “Not guilty. The defense rests, Your Honor.”’

I sighed. At this rate, I’d need to write at least fifty drafts.

Returning to my notes, I flipped through the pages and scanned the best lines in my favorite legal films and shows. I was starting to believe that I would never get the opportunity to yell, “I want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!” during a trial, but I was still holding out hope for a chance for the others.

“My client may have wanted his boss to pee on him, ladies and gentlemen,” I read aloud, “but he did not record it or ever intend for it to be used for revenge.”

“You definitely won’t convince the jury withthat.” Damien’s deep voice made me look up.

“I’m not trying toconvincethem of anything,” I said. “I’m telling the truth.”

“If the other side’s lies are even halfway compelling, you’re in huge trouble. Would you like some help?”

“Fromwho?”

“Depends.” I crossed my arms. “Will you promise not to laugh like you usually do?”

“No.” He smiled and took my notes, throwing them to the floor.

“Don’t get offended,” he said, “but you look like you barely believe the words you’re saying, and the jury will pick up on that.”

“I can’t help that I despise this client.”

“What’s there to hate about him?”

“He’s a serial womanizer and he thinks he’s God’s gift to women.”

“So? That has nothing to do with his case.”

“Then why did the other side keep bringing it up?” I asked, walking to the jury box as if they were here with us. “There are seven women on the jury, and they rolled their eyes or sighed every time he answered a question.”

“That’s okay.” He placed his hands on my shoulders. “He doesn’t have to be their favorite person to be found ‘not guilty.’ For closing, you need to focus on the grey parts of him, the traits that make him a bit more likable.”

“He doesn’t have any of those.”

“He’s good to his friends, his business partners love him, and he actuallydidn’tdo this, so technically, isn’t he the type of client you’ve been wanting?”

“You’re making fun of me again.”

“Never.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “Stop focusing on the black and white, and give the jury the ugly grey.”

“How?”

“Act like you’re talking about me.” He slipped an arm around my waist. “Give them your honest first impression.”

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client was an asshole.” I sucked in a breath, and he pulled me against his chest. “Start withthat?”

“That actually might work.” He kissed my lips, and I stared into his eyes. “Keep going…”

“He’s a complicated man, but he’s not a criminal.”

“Good.” He pushed me against the jury box, sliding his hands under my skirt. “Tell me more.”

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