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“What do you mean your childhood was awful?” I asked, really leaning forward this time. Fuck the pain in my stomach. “What happened?”
Why was I so pissed off right now to learn this?
“Well, I can’t say that mine was as bad as the others, since they went out of their way to shield me from it since I’m the baby. But when they weren’t around, there were a lot of beatings. They all went off to college, or the military for Keene, and left me behind. Without anyone else there to shield me, I got the full force of everything. And Dad was pissed as hell that his free help was gone. There were many nights that I was so tired I’d fall into bed. Then he’d wake me up at the ass crack of dawn, pissed as hell that the animals weren’t fed yet, or that someone had called in and couldn’t work. He’d drag me out of that bunk by my hair…” She looked at me then.
“That’s where you came in.”
“Me?” I asked, surprised.
“Yes, you,” she confirmed. “My dad had a role to play with the abductions and didn’t really care about the rest of us. He had to act like he wanted to be at those NASCAR races. That he was there when all the shit was going down at the circus. I don’t know, this is all speculation, you know?”
I nodded for her to continue.
“But while he was faking it, I wasn’t. I first saw you on your debut race,” she said. “It was playing on the TV in the living room, and I could hear the crowd and the fans going absolutely wild. One time, when I went to the bathroom, I saw your face on the television. I stopped and watched the entire race in the mouth of the hallway so I wouldn’t disturb my dad. And you won.”
I was stunned.
She’d watched me race?
“And I thought, if he can compete with all those odds against him, then so can I,” she continued, rocking my world. “You became this sort of talisman for me. A person to look up to. I watched every single one of your races that you drove in since that moment.”
My stomach felt weird, and it wasn’t because of the surgery that’d just been performed on it.
All this time, I’d given her such a hard time for her blasé attitude about everything, and she’d had to overcome obstacles I’d never even considered.
I’d had a great family life, been raised by great parents—even if they were overbearing at times—but ultimately, I didn’t have a single complaint about my childhood.
Meanwhile, there she was struggling to live.
And I hadn’t thought to question why she was so argumentative. Or why she seemed so different from any other person I’d ever met.
“Zip…”
“I became almost obsessed with you,” she spoke over me. “You were this person who was defying every obstacle set against you, and I was following every single part of your career. So when you say that I don’t treat you like a famous person… inside right here”—she pointed at her heart—“I fangirl every single time I see you. Even when you said those hurtful words that my father always used to utter to me, I was still your biggest fan. Just a bit sad that you didn’t consider me a friend.”
Words her father had uttered to her.
Shit.
Now that really made me feel like I was six inches tall.
“I’m sorry,” I offered.
She stood up then, looking down at me thoughtfully. “You can’t know what’s going to hurt someone. You can’t tiptoe around people and live your life. I’ve found that out the hard way.”
With that, she stepped over my knee and headed toward my bathroom.
“That doesn’t mean that I can go around slinging mud and not expect to feel bad about it,” I called out.
She looked at me with a small smile. “I forgive you, even though there’s nothing to forgive.”
“Just like that?” I asked.
“Just like that,” she confirmed.
CHAPTER 12
Men are the best people to tell your secrets to. They’ll never tell anyone because they aren’t even listening.
-Zip to Nash, who might or might not have been listening.
ZIP
It took him four days to no longer need me there.
Well, if we were being honest, it took him a lot less time than that.
But when the man’s family stopped over at all hours of the day, I almost felt obligated to be there just in case he needed a buffer.
But he finally put a stop to their visits last night, and he wasn’t supposed to have any visitors for a couple of days.
Meaning I was now allowed to go home.
He’d given me permission.
But instead of taking him up on that offer, I’d invited him to my place.
“Want to get out of your apartment?” I asked. “You can come over to mine for a change of scenery.”
