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“Yeah,” I lie. “You know, admissions offices can take a while and—”
“Don’t bullshit me.” His tone is direct, and my mouth snaps shut. “Did you forget, I have a friend in UC Irvine’s admissions office. He said they never received an application from you.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. What about UCLA? UCR? Hell, even Fullerton? Matt, did you apply to any of them?”
“Uh … no.” The word comes out as soft as a whisper.
“Why not?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why not, Matt?” His voice hits a stern note, making me look back at him.
“Because, I don’t know, Dad! I have no clue what I want to do.”
“Which is why I’ve been telling you to do those debates and mock trials at school.”
“I don’t want to be a lawyer.”
“It’s a good profession.”
“Yeah,” I scoff. “There’s no doubt about that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I shake my head. “Look, you and mom get Isaac and me whatever we want. I’m thankful, okay? I’m grateful for everything, but I don’t want to do law.”
“Then what do you want to do?” My eyes find the carpet in his office, as I just shake my head. “Come on, Matt. You’ve got to have some idea.”
“I don’t!” I yell.
I’ve never been in an argument before with him, even if some of our conversations have been a little terse. But this entire conversation, after the shit-show that just played out with Izzy, is infuriating. He lifts a brow, giving me a silent warning.
“I have no clue what I want to do, okay? I’m sorry, but I don’t.”
The silence builds up between us. My eyes roam everywhere from the ground to the walls, to his desk, but he never says anything. Then, when I finally met his gaze again, he decides to speak up.
“I can probably pull some strings and get you into UCI.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I was thinking of just going to IVC. Taking some classes, until I figure it out.”
“Irvine Valley? Matt, you’d just have to transfer to get a degree anyways.”
Taking a deep breath, I remember Izzy’s dad. How he said it took him a while to figure out what he wanted to do, but eventually he did. I also remember Izzy suggesting costume design. I’d never thought about that before, but I do like doing it. But I have no blueprint or outline. I don’t even have a rough draft of what I want to do with my life.
“It’s the only plan I got.”
Meeting my gaze, he stares at me, letting the silence fill the room once again. I’m not sure if I should just leave or he’s waiting to say something. Right as I’m about to take a step, he unfolds his hands, picking up his pen again.
“Okay, son. If that’s what you want.”
“Yeah.” I turn around and leave his office.
Sulking all the way towards my room, I fall on my bed and stare at the ceiling. At least now he knows I’m not going to some high-priced college. My thoughts drift back to the dinner with Izzy and her dad again. She seemed shocked I didn’t apply to any colleges, but it didn’t seem like she was annoyed. Or embarrassed. Or even a little put off. She just accepted it. Even if my father said okay, I know he’ll probably try to talk to me about it later. But she just accepted everything about it. More than accepted, she embraced it, even when I didn’t.
Throwing my arm over my face, I clench my teeth, letting out a frustrated growl. I was such a jackass today and now I probably just hand-delivered her as Oscar’s prom date. The thought hits me to call or text her, but would that be enough? No, I have to do it in person. Tomorrow. I’ll apologize and tell her how stupid I am and hope she’ll still go to prom with me.
