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13
Jade
This past week I’ve been able to get in some good sessions in the recording studio. Lily—who’s running late to meet up with me right now—accompanied me one of the days. The other days I’ve been by myself, and it’s been refreshing. I loved having Maddox in the studio with me before Bret showed up, but ever since then, I haven’t wanted to see either of them. Bret texted me more than once, asking if it’s okay if he shows up. I told him no the first time, but have ignored his other messages. And I really don’t want to hear Maddox complain anymore about Bret.
Oddly enough, since that day and the argument, I’ve also had a different thought: Austin.
It started innocent enough. I mean, it is innocent. I didn’t do anything or say anything. Okay, I have been secretly anticipating him coming in to check on me in the studio. He’s only done it a couple of times, and we chat for a few minutes before he lets me do my thing. It’s not like I’m cheating on Bret because that would be crazy, I’m not even thinking about doing anything like that, I just …
I’m rambling.
What I’m trying to say is when Austin offered me a break that day, and when we went out to get a couple of burgers, it was just a nice lunch away from the studio. At least, that’s how it started. But somehow by the end of the lunch, it felt … different.
I had a couple of boyfriends before Bret, but it was never anything serious. With Bret, even though we have music in common, we don’t really connect on other things. He’s all work all of the time. And I get it. I know how bad he wants to break out with his band, and I understand that that’s important to him, but even being with the Kings, other things have always been important to me, too. Not just music.
I love certain times I get to hang out with Maddox when it’s only us. It didn’t happen much, but every once in a while, we’d hang out on the tour bus and just watch a movie. Or go back home to Karmichael and visit my parents and the few friends I’ve kept in contact with from school.
I love my girl time I have with Lily. It’s those little things that people can take for granted that I tend to long for more and more. Being at lunch with Austin, I felt that. It doesn’t hurt that he’s cute, too. But, seriously, he has this calming effect around me. After eating with him, I can totally see the McConaughey point Lily was making. The actor seems so relaxed, and Austin reminds me of the same thing.
Maybe the thing that’s drawn me to him most is not only how easy it seems I can talk to him, but that he listens. I’m sure the guys would listen to me, but all we usually talk about is music or touring. It’s been so long since we’ve just hung out or played music for ourselves.
And Bret? Everything I tell him, it seems he always tries to use it as a way to further his career. I want to believe that he doesn’t do it on purpose—like he’s deliberately ignoring my thoughts and ideas—but sometimes I can’t tell. I’ll mention something that’s not even related to music or the business, and he’ll somehow ask how I can use that in my music. Or on tour. Or with recording. Which inevitably returns back to him and if I mind if he uses something, or goes somewhere, or if I can get him a meeting with someone.
Austin lets me talk, probably too much, and he never asks me about the next step in my career. Or what my future touring schedule will be, or which producers I want to work with. He just lets me talk about normal, everyday things. And he listens. His brown eyes stay on me, nodding along to whatever I’m saying, or he laughs at some lame joke I make. It feels like I’m his entire world for those small moments, and no one else matters to him but me.
Okay, Jade. You might be getting ahead of yourself there.
It might sound overdramatic, but that’s really how it feels. He doesn’t care what I’m talking about, he only cares that I’m there with him. It doesn’t matter to him that I’m Jade Barkley, the Queen of Kings. As a matter of fact, I’m still smiling a week later, remembering that he said he likes to call me Kristen.
Hitting the record button, I head into the recording studio. I take a seat on the stool, pull the microphone closer, and strum my thumb over the guitar strings. Picking at them, something takes over, and out comes a rhythm that is softer than the other stuff I’ve been playing.
You don’t want the starry life,
And you don’t want to tie me down.
I’ve been through the rocks and now feel like clouds.
You look from the outside, but don’t make a sound.
I don’t know how you see me now,
And I don’t know why I feel this way,
All I know is you know my name.
Still playing the guitar, I tap the wood paneling, pulling up a beat, feeling weirdly at ease at this different sound.
“Who knows your name, Jade?”
I look up and see Lily smirking at me from behind the glass. “Hey, you finally showed up.”
“I know. Sorry, I got stuck in my biology professor’s lecture.”
“It’s all good.”
“So … who knows your name?”
I bite my bottom lip, setting my guitar down. “No one.”
