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Eric shifts us, rolling us to our sides, facing each other, and the wet rush between my legs sends a wave of panic through me. My fingers curl on his face. “We didn’t use protection. I don’t think I can get pregnant, but—”
He leans in and kisses me. “Stop freaking out. If you get pregnant, we get pregnant. I’ll get you something to clean up. I’ll be right back.” He pulls out of me and rolls off the bed. I don’t move, waiting for him to bring me a towel or tissue.
The “we” in his reaction sets my belly to fluttering for all kinds of reasons. It stabs at my heart, too, with a memory of cramping in my office. I always feared how he’d react to the news of my pregnancy, but I’m not sure it would have been as negatively as I thought back then.
Eric returns and hands me a towel, I press between my legs. “I need to go to the bathroom,” I say, and when I would move away, Eric catches me to him.
“Stop freaking out, sweetheart.”
“Do you even want kids? And God, I don’t want you to answer that because either answer could be problematic. If you don’t, and I’m pregnant, then we have an issue. If you do, and I can’t get pregnant, then you need another woman.”
“I do not want or need another woman. Never once did I think about having kids until I found out about your pregnancy. I want you, Harper. If that means we have kids, we have kids. If we don’t, we don’t.”
“You say that, but—”
“I don’t want a child to inherit this Kingston hell. So should we use a condom, yes, because I want closure first.”
Which we may never get, I think. He may never really feel this is over. But I love him and I can live with that. “I understand.”
“This isn’t about us, Harper. It’s about them.”
My gut twists but I nod. “I know.”
He studies me a moment, and I don’t know what he sees, what he wants to see. “Go to the bathroom, but don’t go run to the bathroom.”
I curl my fingers on his face, overwhelmed by what I feel for him. “You’re an amazing man. I wish you knew that.” I kiss him and then roll off the bed.
I hurry into the bathroom, and shut the door, leaning against the hard surface and staring down at my belly. I don’t think I can have kids, and even if I can, I don’t think this is the right time. Eric and I are finding each other, and he’s still trying to learn to love himself. He doesn’t need that pressure right now and I don’t want the pressure of thinking we end up together for a baby, not because we chose that option.
I give myself a mental shake.
I need to let this go and find out what happened tonight with Eric’s father. I quickly clean up and take the liberty to dig in Eric’s closet, and pick a T-shirt, and tug it over my head. It’s big and long, but even clean, it smells like him, and I like it. For just a moment, I survey his well-organized closet, and imagine my things here and my emotions need a U-Haul. They are just so full I need to cut them off until later. It’s time to go back to Eric.
This sets me in action and when I open the bedroom door, he’s sitting on a chair by the window with his pants on, and cellphone at his ear. The instant he spies me, he disconnects and stands, closing the space between us.
His hand slides under my hair, his fingers resting on my neck. “As much as I love you in my shirt, you need to get dressed.”
“Did something happen?”
“Blake and Savage are downstairs and I know how upset you were tonight. I don’t want to leave you in the dark. I want you to come down with me.”
I’m surprised and pleased, but also concerned. “Thank you for that, but what happened with your father?”
“Get dressed and we’ll talk before we go down.”
I nod and we quickly pull on our clothes, sitting down on the end of the bed when we’re done. Eric doesn’t immediately speak and I cover his hand with mine. “What happened?”
He draws in a heavy breath laden with emotion I cannot read when he’s facing forward, not looking at me. “He’s alive,” he saysflatly, before he tilts his stare to me. “I’m not sure he meant for me to be right now, though.”
My eyes go wide and I slide down in front of him on my knees. “What does that mean?”
“I refused to go to his room. I told him to meet me at another location. He sent a goon. It could have been an attempt to scare me, but he knows that wouldn’t be an easy task to complete.”
“What happened? Tell me everything.”
“I left the guy he hired holding his balls in pain and came back here but this is war. I got ahead of all of this, Harper. We need to wear a condom until this is over. We can’t bring a child into this.”
My throat tightens. This is what he does. He lifts me up and tears me down, but logically he’s right. I know he’s right. “Yes. I agree.”
