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Itry to catch my breath, but I can’t. I’m almost wheezing with the effort. I think I might be hyperventilating and I’ve never hyperventilated in my life. Eric’s hands come down on my arms and he turns me, pressing me against the beam dividing the window. “What is bad enough to make you react like you are right now? And what happened to no more secrets?”
“I wasn’t sure it was real. I said that, didn’t I? I’m not sure if I did or didn’t but that’s the case. My mother told me years ago and then she played it off like she was wrong about it. Now, she thinks that I told you and that you tried to kill your father because of it.”
“Harper,” he warns, his expression stormy, intense, dark.
“I need to tell you. I do, but I need a plan first.” My eyes go wide with the only solution possible. “I tie you to the bed to tell you and let you calm down before you take action. Or not tie you down. I think you need your cubes. Lots of cubes. Like a dozen and to be locked in a room. Can we do that? Can we do those things?” Tears start to burn in my eyes. My fingers flatten on his chest. “Please. I’m begging you. I need you. We need each other, remember?”
“Yes. I remember, Harper, but whatever this is, I probably already know. Just tell me and let’s deal with this.”
“No. No, you don’t know this or your father would be dead right now. You wouldn’t have saved him. God. He didn’t deserve to be saved. I convinced myself this wasn’t real. I convinced myself he didn’t do this because if he did, that means my mother accepts what he did. It almost makes her guilty. I knew I’d lose her. I knew—”
“Harper,” Eric says firmly, tilting my gaze to his, and only then do I realize that tears are streaming down my cheeks. “You need to take a deep breath, sweetheart. It’s going to be okay. I’m certain, I know more than you think I know.” His thumbs stroke the tears from my cheeks.
“Not this.” I grab his hand. “Not this. I can’t tell you this without you letting me lock you in a room or something first.”
“Trust me—”
“I do. And I want you to trust me, which is why I knew I ultimately had to tell you this but when you hear what it is, you’ll know why I didn’t want to. You’ll know why I thought it’s unchangeable but painful, so why cut you that way?”
“Just tell me.”
“Let’s go get naked upstairs.” I wrap my arms around him. “Let’s just go fuck and fuck some more. Forget this. You can’t change it. I can’t change it.”
“Harper, I need you to just tell me.”
“No.” I laugh and it’s not with humor. I sound a little crazy. “No. This isn’t a good idea. I was smart to not tell you. I was holding it back to protect you.”
His jaw sets and voice firms. “You’re going to tell me.”
Panic rises inside me. “Let me off the window.” He doesn’t move and I push on his chest. “Let me off the window!”
“Harper—”
“Eric. Damn it. I’m suffocating.”
His eyes glint with a mix of steel and storm clouds. He wants to push me. Oh God, he’sgoingto push me. I reacted emotionally. I did this. I opened my stupid mouth. And there are so many prices that will be paid for this. “It’s nothing I did. Let me off the window. Please.”
His jaw flexes and the next thing I know I’m over his shoulder and he’s carrying me across the living room. I don’t even yelp. I can’t seem to process anything for the ache in my chest and the blood rushing to my head. By the time he lowers me onto bed and then comes down on top of me, my head is throbbing.
“Tell me.”
“And if I don’t?”
“You will.”
My fingers curl on his jaw, the rasp of stubble beneath my skin, tenderness filling me for this man. “This is a motive for you to kill your father. Right now, if you get accused of killing him, if he dies, I can say under oath you didn’t know this. Wait until we know if you’ll be blamed.”
“Harper,princess—”
“I hate that name. It makes me feel like you think of me as oneof them.”
“You with me now. That name is about you and me, not them. Harper, I need you to tell me. I promise you, I will not leave this apartment after finding out. I’ll stay right here with you.”
“That’s not enough.”
“It’s all I have. My word. My word to you, and a vow to make that mean something to you now and forever.”
“Please don’t hate me for not telling you.”
