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He catches my hips and pulls me back to him. “In all kinds of ways that I didn’t understand, baby.”
“What does that even mean, Jax?”
His forehead settles against mine, one hand on my neck, over my hair. “We are nothing I expected.”
For just a moment, I live in the here, wanting to believe him. I do. There’s a pull between me and Jax. A strong, intense pull that is like nothing I have ever known. He’s a drug I can’t seem to resist, and yet, drugs can be deadly. Drugs can kill.
I push against him and stare up at him, the beam of the moonlight washing over his handsome face, highlighting the hard lines, the shadows that have nothing to do with the night. “You should have told me before I came here.”
“The only thing I didn’t tell you is how he died. It’s not an easy thing to talk about. And as much as I love this place, it’s not always easy to be here either.”
“And yet, you brought me here.” Accusation laces my statement.
“Because,” he closes the small space between us, his powerful legs pressed to mine, “I have to be here. I’m forced to be here now, and somehow,” he swallows hard, his lashes lower, emotions punching through my anger, his emotion, before he looks at me and tries again, “somehow, being here with you makes that tolerable. It’s not always tolerable, Emma.”
All kinds of understanding settles in my gut, and my flight instinct fades into the wind. I want to tell him that I feel the same when I walk into my father’s apartment or office, but my father’s not a good subject. I think he knows though. I think that this is one of those moments that explains why we’re so drawn to each other. Why we need each other despite every obstacle before us.
Swallowing hard against the emotion welling in my throat, I hug myself and turn in his arms to face the castle, the toweringstructure illuminated with tiny white lights. “It’s somehow both magnificent and scary.” I shiver with the words and the wind.
Jax shrugs out of his jacket and slides it around my shoulders, turning me to face him. “And your ability to read my mind is both magnificent and scary.”
“It’s scary for you, too?”
“My brother died here, Emma, and maybe he was murdered, or maybe he chose to take his life, but whatever the case, my damn brother is dead, and he died here. So, hell yeah, it scares me, but it’s still the closest I’m ever going to be to him or my parents ever again. I can’t lose it. I can’t leave it.” His voice is pure torment, and a tiny, dark voice in my head is whispering bad things in my mind. It wonders if my father thought Jax would let the castle go because it’s the place his brother died.
Jax’s hand settles on my hip, a warm possessive touch, his voice low, rough. “I don’t invite people into my world, Emma, especially not after my brother’s death.”
“But I’m here,” I say, understanding in my statement. My hand settles on his chest, over his thundering heart. “And I want to be here.I am here.”
“And so am I.” It’s clear now that we’re not talking about here, as in the castle, but here, present, with each other. His hand slides under my hair, settling on my neck and his mouth lowers to my mouth. “Beyond reason,” he adds, “beyond all that should feel logical to anyone who knows the dynamic of our families, I so fucking am.” He’s barely spoken the words when his mouth slants over mine, and I can taste his urgency, his need, his fear. And God, I understand those things, I understand that fear. Fear that we’re poison to each other. Fear that my father was involved in his brother’s death. Fear that there is more death to follow. We both lost people. We both know we could lose each other. And at least right now, we need each other too much to let that happen.
Chapter forty-six
Emma
Idon’t want to think about murder, or Brody, or my father.
All I want is the next lick of this man’s tongue. I need that escape. I need out of my head. I need inside the high that is this man all over me, in every way possible. I arch into him, consumed by passion. Still, though, those moments on the ledge cut through my mind, demanding control. Desperate to push them away, I do what I never dare and lose myself in the moment.
Need expands in my belly, burning low, slicking my thighs. Jax molds me closer, his body pressed to mine. His jacket falls away, and I moan with the taste and feel of him, and I’m not even trying to hold back. I slide my hands over his chest, heat radiating through the thin material of his dress shirt, his muscles flexing beneath my palms. A low growl escapes his lips, and I revel in my ability to predict that response. I revel in knowing that he wants me the way I want him. He cups my backside and pulls me hard against him, the thick ridge of his erection pressed to my belly. Now, I’m the one moaning, licking into his mouth, touching him. I can’t stop touching him and kissing him. We’reall over each other, and still, those memories, those flashes of me on that landing, won’t stop.
“Emma,” Jax says, tearing his mouth from mine, his hands on my face, while I pant with the sudden disconnect of his mouth with my mouth. “If we don’t stop now, I’m not going to stop.”
“I don’t remember asking you to stop.”
“I have security around the property, and we need to be alone.”
Alone is good, I think, which is an effort, considering my body is still on fire.
“There’s a private entrance to my tower.” He scoops up his jacket and pulls it around me again. “We can avoid the public altogether. Slide your arms in, baby.”
I do as he says, and for some reason, that “baby” endearment has my belly fluttering when it hasn’t before, not like now. He rolls up the sleeves for me, and I can’t explain it, but there’s a new level of intimacy between us that is bittersweet, considering all that has happened tonight.
He laces the fingers of one of my hands with his. “Let’s go inside.”
There’s a part of me that hesitates, that even screams not to go back in that castle, but Jax’s confessions about why he brought me here, why he struggles to be here himself beat down those hesitations. “Yes. Let’s go inside.”
His eyes warm, and I think I see relief in his stare. He was afraid I’d leave. The insecure part of me, the part my father planted and watered for most of my life, could believe that he needs me here, that he needs answers I might have to give. But that’s not what I feel with Jax. We’re together in our quest for knowledge, and I’m not the useless girl my father chose to see. I’m the woman who stood outside my father’s line of sight, who scouted hotel locations, who started them from the ground up, who lived a life he never even noticed, who chooses to follow herinstincts. And I choose to believe this connection I feel with Jax is real.
