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Ayda stifled a small giggle, and Hùisdean moved his hands from his shoulders to her waist, tugging her close.
“It's a clusterfuck.” He kissed her temple. “I think you're handling it better than anyone I know. You're handling it better than I would be handling it.”
“Ha.” Ayda's voice cracked, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “Am I going crazy? I feel like everyone expects me to be some chosen one now, and fuck, I can’t… I’m not good for that kind of thing.” Ayda hiccuped and wiped furiously at her eyes.
“Okay, follow me.” Hùisdean held Ayda's hand and walked into the living room. He sat on the massive velvet couch and pulled Ayda into his lap. He curled his arms around her until she rested her head on his shoulder.
“You're not going crazy, Ayda,” Hùisdean said firmly, running a hand through her hair. “We're all learning about this at the same time. No one expects you to have all the answers.”
Ayda shook her head. “No. I have to figure it out. I have to know—”
“Why?” Hùisdean interjected softly. “Why do you have to know everything? I called you here for your help, and you have been helpful.”
“Because!” Ayda's voice broke, and she started to cry harder. Hùisdean had never seen her this upset, and it gutted him to the bone. Her shoulders shook as tears kept streaming down her face. Yet, somehow, Hùisdean knew this conversation had been coming for a long time.
“Because I have to be perfect. Everything has to be perfect. I have to fix everything!” Ayda sobbed, turning her head further into Hùisdean, crying into his shoulder until her words became unintelligible.
“Okay, breathe for me, love,” Hùisdean instructed quietly, continuing to keep up small ministrations. He rubbed her back and squeezed her tighter, letting Ayda expel the demons that had been churning through her mind.
“I’m s-sorry.” Ayda hiccuped, attempting to slide off Hùisdean's lap. “I ruined your shirt.”
“You did no such thing,” Hùisdean whispered. He grabbed her chin and gently tilted her gaze to his. “Anything you touch is made better for it. My shirt, my country, my very heart.” Ayda's eyes filled with fresh tears, and Hùisdean kissed her cheek. “Now, why do you feel you must do everything?”
Ayda sighed heavily. “I’ve always felt that way. Growing up, I was always in my mother's shadow. Everything I did and learned, I had to ensure I was good enough to be her replacement. My parents didn't intentionally put extra pressure on me, but it was always there. Everyone was looking at me like this next great successor, and I didn't ever feel like I could mess up.” Ayda blushed and looked away as if suddenly embarrassed by the admission.
Hùisdean nodded. “I know what you mean.” Ayda's attention snapped back to him.
“You do? How? You're this perfect, powerful prince…”
“Ha!” Hùisdean laughed. “I could say that about you. You're this perfect, powerful mage. I'm constantly afraid that I'm not good enough for my family, for the crown. My parents have been ruling for millennia…literally. They'll abdicate at some point, but it's quite a legacy to attempt to live up to.”
“Fair enough.” Ayda laughed weakly, fidgeting as she wiped at her eyes. “I don't want to let anyone down.”
“You won’t,” Hùisdean swore. “You've already gotten us closer than we'd ever imagined we'd be. We have a plan, which is more than we had before you got here.”
Ayda nodded, a distant look in her eyes. Hùisdean wasn't foolish enough to think that he resolved Ayda's sense of perfectionism, but he was hellbent on conquering their demons together. He knew she needed more time to process but couldn’t stop himself from offering her everything he had.
“This might be horrible timing, but you’re dealing with many unknowns right now.” Hùisdean swallowed thickly. “I want you to have one less unknown. I meant what I said last night and must repeat it in the light of day. It wasn’t lust or attraction or anything else speaking. It’s how I feel. I know what it feels like to have the weight of other people’s expectations on your shoulders, and I think… We could help each other with those burdens. If that’s something you want.” Hùisdean summoned all his courage and looked Ayda in the eye.
She was crying, but now she had a smile on her face.
“You know this could be the shortest and worst attempt that anyone has ever made at being friends-with-benefits.”
Hùisdean winked, his voice dropping an octave. “I can go a lot longer in other arenas.” He sobered slightly. “But not letting you know how I felt wasn’t one of them.”
Ayda’s grin widened. She wrapped her arms around Hùisdean’s neck and spoke softly.
“I like you too, Hùisdean. Sometimes, I like you so much that it frustrates me a bit. That night at Carenlume, with the draugr…” Ayda shook her head. “I couldn’t imagine a world without you, and I just acted. My feelings haven’t changed.”
“We don’t need to know what it all means.” Hùisdean encouraged her. He thought his heart might burst in joy. “It’s enough to know that we’re in it. Together. All the feelings. Right?”
Ayda nodded. “All the feelings.”
Hùisdean cupped Ayda’s cheek and kissed her gently. He gently bit her lower lip, trying to convey everything he felt for her in one embrace. Ayda matched him in enthusiasm, and Hùisdean’s stomach flipped. She slid her hands up into his hair, her nails scratching his scalp, and he nearly started growling in satisfaction. The kiss grew more frantic, their lips devouring one another.
He flipped them over so Ayda was sitting on the couch, and Hùisdean got down on his knees between her legs. Their size difference meant they were still eye-level, and Hùisdean trailed his hands up Ayda’s stomach. She let out a little whimper in satisfaction as her head fell back. The remaining tension in her body vanished as she spread her legs wider and gave Hùisdean all the needed access.
The morning sun was filling the room, and the sight of Ayda in the light nearly knocked the breath from Hùisdean’s lungs. She looked like a goddess—long dark hair spilling over the couch, her copper skin luminescent.
