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Then he notices I’m cold, so he gives me his hoodie.
Then we talk about Mr. Ricci and his probably glass eye.
Then we both start to get tired, but neither of us leaves the step.
And then I ask him about his dad again, and this time, he tells me about how his dad hits him. He doesn’t go into detail about it, but when I don’t know what to say, I hug him, and he holds me for a long time. It doesn’t feel as weird as I thought it might feel to hug someone you barely know. It actually feels nice. After a moment, I start to think that the reason he holds me there for so long is that he’s upset but doesn’t want me to see.
Eventually, we let go of each other and talk about movies. He likes Vince Vaughn.
My parents stop yelling. The lights in the house go dark, and neither of them comes out to check on me or tell me to go inside.
The party gets quieter and quieter until there’s no sound coming from Kelly’s house.
That’s when it feels like the whole world has gone to sleep, and it’s just Aiden and me. That’s when we just look at each other, his hands holding mine. I want him to kiss me. I’ve never been kissed before.
When he shifts the way he’s sitting and faces me, my heart pounds in my chest so loud I’m afraid he can hear it. I start to panic because Aiden Lewis is the kind of boy who has definitely kissed girls before, and I’m afraid I’ll do it wrong.
He smooths my hair away from my face, and I like the way it makes me feel.
Safe.
Cared for.
Seen.
No one has ever made me feel like that. No one has ever looked at me the way he does.
But he doesn’t kiss me.
He says, “I should probably go home.”
And then I say, “Okay,” and offer to give his hoodie back, but he tells me he’ll get it from me later.
So I say “Okay,” again.
He stands from my front step, and says, “Goodnight, Claire. I’ll see you Monday,” and I watch him walk away until I can’t see him anymore. Then, I stand up, go inside, and sleep in the hoodie that still smells like him.
I wake up feeling emotionally drained by my dream. That night has been on my mind a lot since seeing Aiden again, but that was the first time my dream made me feel like I was reliving it. Aiden never talked to me after that night. He never even asked for his hoodie back. I had it in my closet for years before I finally donated it. I would wear it around the house sometimes when I was younger, but I never wanted to wear it to school because I thought he would think I was weird for wearing his clothes.
I could never understand why he acted like that night never happened. It always made me wonder if something was wrong with me. Was it my parents’ fighting that scared him away? Or was it me? That night left me embarrassed and made facing Aiden in the hallways at school even more difficult than before. It felt like we had connected on a level that I had never connected on with anyone, but he didn’t seem to care.
I wonder if that will happen again.
Yesterday was a whirlwind that turned everything upside down and left me with little to no answers.
But so many questions.
Does he regret the kiss?
Did he tell Chad what happened?
Am I a terrible person for kissing two people on the same day?
That last one lingers. I’ve never done anything like that. If three days ago, someone told me I’d kiss two different guys in a matter of hours, I’d think they were being ridiculous. If they then told me that one of those guys would be Aiden Lewis, I would have tried to get away from them as quickly as possible because I’d think they were insane.
But here I am, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I don’t regret kissing Aiden, but I regret kissing Chad—which is strange because kissing Aiden was the furthest thing from my mind yesterday morning, but now it’s all I can think about.
As I throw open the covers and walk to the bathroom to brush my teeth, there’s a pit in my stomach. This all feels too familiar—especially after reliving that night in my dream. I know how Aiden Lewis operates, and there’s a good chance that I won’t hear from him again.
