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But it’s there. The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that knows how badly I wanted things to work out differently.
My phone vibrates in my bag, and my heart leaps. I know I shouldn’t feel a rush of excitement when he calls, but I do.
Maybe he at least feels some remorse.
Not that it matters.
Just because I want an apology from Aiden Lewis does not mean I have any intentions of forgiving him. I guess it’s just nice to know that he’s reaching out.
I pull out my phone, but it’s not Aiden’s name on the screen.
It’s Garret’s.
After a moment of internal debate, I sigh and swipe to answer.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” he says in a rough voice like he just woke up. “Are you okay? You never answered me yesterday.”
I smooth down the material of my sundress. It’s funny how just a few days ago, I wanted to wear this because I knew Garret loved it. Now I can’t wait to retire it in the back of my closet and never look at it again. “I know. Sorry about that. I’ve just been...busy.” Flashbacks of yesterday rush through my mind, and it’s enough to make me shift in my seat and cross my legs.
“Oh.” He pauses, and then adds, “I was worried maybe my texts scared you off.”
I probably should have read them. “No, not at all. I just haven’t had a lot of time.”
He’s quiet for a moment, and I know he wants to ask what I’ve been doing, but he also knows that he’s lost that right. “So, you’re doing okay?” he asks instead as a workaround.
“Yeah,” I lie.
“Good.”
We’re both quiet for a moment.
There’s only so much you can say to your ex over the phone when you’re a thousand miles away and just made the colossal mistake of hooking up with the only guy who made a lasting impression on you in high school.
Eventually, he asks, “I’ll see you Wednesday then?”
I look up at the clear, blue Florida sky and take a deep breath. “Yeah, I can meet with you between my afternoon classes, but, like I said, you have to come to the city.”
“I’ll be there,” he answers quickly. During the past year, Garret has taken the trip to see me once, and it was after he first dropped out and needed to get the rest of his stuff. Every other time we’ve seen each other, it’s been because I did the two-hour train ride to see him. I’m not making things easy for him this time. If he wants to see me so badly, he can make the effort. “And Claire?” he says after a moment. “I can’t wait to see you.”
It’s strange how a phrase I’ve heard countless times suddenly makes me feel trapped. I bite my lip, not sure how to answer. I may slip out the occasional lie, but there’s no way I can say that I’m looking forward to seeing him. Considering I’m feeling the exact opposite, there isn’t even a grey area to play around with. I don’t want to see Garret, but I agreed to it because we were together for a long time, and it feels like the right thing to do.
Glancing around the platform, I quickly say, “Hey, it looks like my train is here. I have to run. Bye, Garret,” and hang up the phone before he can say anything else.
Setting my phone down on my lap with trembling hands, I steady my nerves and try to enjoy the still quiet platform with no train in sight.
73
Aiden
Ethan drives like a grandma.
“Can you not go any faster?” I ask impatiently.
He laughs. “Has your year back in New York made you forget that 99% of the drivers here are senior citizens?”
My head falls back against the headrest. “Fucking old people.”
