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I blink. “Are you actually mad?”
She shakes her head, grabbing another strand of hair and running it through the straightener. “I just think this is stupid. Nothing that terrible ever happened between you two. I know he’s not your favorite person, but he’s Matt’s best friend.” She pauses, locking her eyes on me through the reflection of the mirror again. “And you’re mine.” She huffs. “I just don’t see why we can’t all do things together without you two being so immature about it.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, desperate to keep my secrets locked away. This is what it’s come down to. I either have to come clean and tell her everything that’s happened between Jackson and me, or I have to swallow my pride.
“Fine. I’ll go to the party.” If I tell her now, she’ll never let this go, and I don’t need it. Not when I’m so close to him being gone and forgetting any of this ever happened. I will not look like the girl who was left behind by the wanna-be rockstar. I can do one more party.
She lets out a laugh. “I don’t want you to go if you’re going to be miserable. I just don’t see why it’s such a big deal.”
Closing my laptop, I gather my makeup bag from my drawer. “You’re right. It’s not a big deal,” I say as I stand next to her to share the mirror. “It’ll be fun.”
She eyes me suspiciously. “You’re sure?”
Not at all, but I hear myself say, “Yeah. I mean, there will be plenty of other people there, right?” Pausing before dabbing a little concealer under my eyes, I add, “And you’ll be there, so it will be fine.”
Her lips quirk into a smile. “Thank you,” she says, and I bump her with my hip in return.
Then I try to make myself believe everything I just said.
“Hey,” I say, pulling away from the mirror. “What’s Matt going to do once Jackson leaves? Will he get another roommate?” I work hard to make sure my voice doesn’t reveal this is a sore subject, and by the time the final word leaves my lips, I’m already depleted.
“He might,” she says with a shrug. “I guess it depends on whether they need to house someone here or not. It’s the middle of the year, so he’ll have the room to himself unless someone transfers in or something.”
“You’re going to leave me to sleep here all alone, aren’t you?” I tease.
Rae scoffs. “Yeah, because both of us stuck on a tiny twin-sized mattress is the dream.” Lowering her gaze before putting on her mascara, she says, “I’ll be sleeping here.”
A sly smile pulls at the corners of my lips. “But you’ll be over there to do other things more often?”
“Maybe,” she admits with a laugh.
I guess Matt won’t be lonely after all. I’ll be the one sitting in my dorm alone with no best friend and no . . . whatever Jackson is to me.
Rae’s watching me like she can tell I’m sad, so I say, “If anything, the room will look bigger without Jackson’s shit everywhere.”
It’s the truth.
But the thought still leaves an ache in my chest.
“I’m going to miss him,” she says, surprising me.
“You will?”
“Yeah.” She shrugs. “He’s always been around, and he’s funny. I’m bummed for Matt, too. It’ll be the hardest for him. He finally gets to live with his best friend, and now he’s leaving.”
“I mean, I’m sure they’ll still talk all the time. He’s only going on tour for a few months. This isn’t goodbye forever.” I feel like a hypocrite as soon as the words leave my lips. They’re true. I know they’re true, but for some reason, applying them to my situation with Jackson doesn’t feel the same.
Matt will keep in touch with Jackson because they’re childhood best friends.
I won’t because I’m just the girl he casually slept with a few times.
Once Rae and I are dressed and ready to go, she looks me up and down. “Damn, for someone who didn’t want to go out tonight, you sure did pull out all the stops.”
“I did?” I ask, looking down at myself. I’m wearing baggy, ripped jeans, boots, and a button-down sweater that dips at the top.
She nods. “That red lip? You’re giving off Jessica Rabbit vibes.”
Reaching for my purse, I let out a laugh. “I’m not even wearing red.”
