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“Yes.” Her eyebrows pinch in discomfort.
“Have you tried pushing it out?”
“Believe me, I tried a lot of things tonight. And I tried even more before coming here and humiliating myself.”
Her hands fall to her sides, and I’m momentarily speechless by how beautiful she is. Her gray eyes look electric under the fluorescent lights. Despite how embarrassed she sounds, she doesn’t look away…she holds my stare, which I have to give her props for courage. My heart rate picks up as my eyes travel over her slender nose and the delicate curves of her pink lips. Focus, Cruz. You’re a professional.
“Let’s take a look then.” I explain everything I’m going to do, which is lift her gown and spread her legs to examine her. I call for a nurse to be present while I perform this. When Kimber comes behind the curtain, I ask for permission to lift the sheet while I slide on latex gloves. I also ask for her to slide down a little so I can see what I’m working with here.
She scoots down the bed, spreads her knees apart, and then stares up at the ceiling, “Let’s get this over with.” I hesitate a moment, my fingers on the edge of the thin fabric. My eyes shoot up to hers when I hear her humorless laugh. “Don’t be shy, Doc. You’re not the first stranger to stick their head between my knees. Come to think of it, you’re not even the first to do it in the middle of the night.”
To keep from laughing, I suck my lips in. I release them with a pop and ask her, “Am I the first to remove a cucumber, though?”
Her laugh is genuine mixed with a pained groan, “That you are.” She laughs harder, and then hisses through her teeth. She wheezes out, “Congratulations.”
Taking a moment to compose myself and return to full-on professional mode, I tell her, “Just try to relax.” I lift the sheet and her gown. Uh-oh. This is worse than getting something lodged. Her vaginal lips are swollen and red. All humor and lust are gone. I’m fully focused and concerned on what could be causing this reaction.
“Did you clea—”
“Of course, I cleaned it! I cleaned it and me,” she interrupts, outraged by being questioned about her hygiene practices.
“It’s a standard question. I meant no offense. Okay, are you allergic to cucumbers? This looks like an allergic reaction.”
“If I knew I was allergic, I wouldn’t have shoved it up my vagina.”
“Have you had cucumbers before?”
“Yes. I eat them with salads all the time. But this was the first time I’ve…swallowed one with my… They’ve only gone in the other way. Through my mouth. I’m going to shut up now.”
“Did you use a new lubricant? Maybe a new soap?”
“I did grab a new type of lubricant. It was the only one the mini market had.”
“And you didn’t get the lubricant anywhere else? On your hands when you applied it to the cucumber?” I ask as my eyes scan over her hands to see if there’s any swelling or redness.
She thinks a moment but then shakes her head. “I don’t think I ever touched the gel with my hands.” My question must be evident on my face because she holds her hands up. One hand mimics holding something while the other hovers above the invisible object. “I squirted it on like putting ketchup on a hot dog. Started at the tip and then zooooop.” She demonstrates and pops the P. “Then in it went…just like shoving a hot dog…well, you get the idea.”
Unfortunately, I do. “Okay, I’m going to give you an injection to reduce the swelling. Then I’m going to remove the object. Does that sound good?”
“Yes. Whatever you need to do, just do it.”
“Now, there’s going to be a tiny prick.” She snorts until I actually give her the shot, but that’s going to help with the allergic reaction. Then I squeeze lubricant gel onto my surgical tool. I place one hand on her pelvis, and insert the tool inside of her. “Relax your muscles and try to relax for me. I know it’s hard, and this is uncomfortable, but try to breathe and relax the best you can.”
I go deeper, until I reach our green friend. Then I try to work it down gently. To my complete shock and horror, she releases the sweetest sounding moan. This is a test. I’m being put through the ultimate trial. I refuse to become aroused. I will remain a professional. This poor woman has a cucumber lodged inside of her vaginal walls and she is trusting me to help her. Inhaling a deep breath, and refusing to acknowledge her scent, I continue extracting it from her with as minimal amount of touching as possible. I thought my worst fear would be causing her discomfort, but apparently it should’ve been giving her an orgasm. When the invading vegetable is past her vaginal opening, I use my fingers to help remove it the rest of the way.
“Mmmm,” she hums in approval as her body pushes farther into my hand. I apply more pressure with my other hand to keep her in place. For the love of God, and my medical license, please stop the sensual moaning and gyrating against my hand. I refuse to look at her face. I’ll be tempted to lose it and fall victim to this siren who has obviously been sent to ruin my career. Is this a prank? I haven’t been at this hospital long, maybe this is an undercover patient trying to discover if I’m a despicable human being. Which apparently, I am. No, I have more control than this. Besides, what undercover agent would willingly put a cucumber inside of her vagina?
I can’t help but notice how wet she’s gotten… No, that’s not it…it has to be the lubricant, I have to keep reminding myself. If I acknowledge how she’s responding with my fingers inside of her, and the slight rubbing of her clit against my palm… Don’t apply more pressure with your palm. Refuse to respond. Remain clinical and be a concerned health care provider—not as a man. I can’t resist applying a tiny amount of added pressure to her vaginal wall. God forgive me, but I feel like she needs that release. The woman has been through enough. The cry of pleasure she’s releasing makes my heart beat a little faster. I keep my eyes focused downward, not looking at her, or her glistening, swollen vagina, and for sure not the nurse standing next to me who heard my patient’s orgasm, and I’m sure the rest of the staff also heard.
The cucumber slides out, and I’m feeling extremely awkward and uncomfortable. They didn’t train me for this in medical school. I take the cucumber and hold it up for her to see. Without thinking, I say, “Here’s your cumcumber—I mean, cu-cucumber. Do you want this big guy back? Actually, um, I’ll just have the nurse dispose of this.”
I quickly place her gown and sheet back into place. Awkwardly I hand the damn cucumber to the nurse, praying she doesn’t notice my shame at how flustered I am. “All done. I’ll let Nurse Kimber get you discharged so you can enjoy the rest of your night.” Why am I this way? All of my bedside manners have clearly gone out the window. It’s time for me to get the hell away from this woman. Enjoy the rest of your night? Can I chalk this up to not having time to finish my coffee?
“Thank you, Dr. Bryce. I appreciate it more than you know.” Something in her tone has my eyes darting to hers. Is she…was she being flirty? Did she mean the orgasm? Are we talking about the extraction of the cucumber, or the extraction of her soul when I had her coming around my fingers and a cucumber? Stop it! You can’t think like that, Cruz.
“You’re welcome. I hope you come again.” Both of our eyes widen and my mouth drops open because, why the hell would I say that? My teeth clank with how hard I shut my mouth. “Kimber will help you with any other questions you may have, and we’ll get a prescription written up for you.” I turn on my heels, giving her my back because I’m fumbling and sounded like a bad soap opera doctor. However, I don’t get very far when I hear Journi’s laughter. I pause and listen.
“Is his name seriously Cruz Bryce? Dr. Cruz Bryce?”
