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How can it be?
Waves of dark brown hair flow down her small back. Her face is chunky and round with light freckles sprinkled across her nose, and deep-set dark brown eyes sparkle up at me. As soon as my eyes meet the sweet innocent face of Kylee Jo Weston, I know in that moment why Colton left me. Why he left us. He found someone new. I always loved him with every ounce of breath within me, wasn't it enough? So I guess now he wants me back since he's grown bored with his life? What kind of game is he playing?
Kylee Jo walks up and hugs me which instantly melts my heart. She is a spunky little sass, so full of life, so full of love.
We carry on the evening with dinner and a sweet treat. A sweet old couple compliments how precious our little family is, which saddens my spirit. After taking Kylee Jo home, Colton and I drive to my house in deafening silence.Rage boils deep within my blood. By the time we pull into the driveway, I’m about to combust.
I go inside and literally lose my shit. Grabbing a fifth of Jack, I slam back the warm, smooth liquid in one instant, then smash the bottle across the counter.
From that point, I just remember a lot of crying and screaming.
Colton cheated on me. But what was he protecting me from? The truth? His child? What the hell! This is all so screwed up. Is there anyone in my life who isn’t twisted and corrupt? Anyone who isn’t dead set on ripping my heart out of my chest and tearing it to shreds while it lifelessly pumps its last few beats. How is my heart still beating?
“Answers to what, Colton?”
“Why the hell did you leave?”
“Because you hurt me. I needed to get away. I needed time to clear my head,” I lie, but I’m terrified to tell him the truth.
“Lies! I know you better than that! It took you seven damn years to clear your head? Come clean already, damn it! I want to know the truth. Damn it, I deserve to know the truth!” He clenches his fists at his sides.
He’s right. I’ve kept this demon buried deep within my soul for far too long, and nobody at all knows this buried secret. Bile crawls from my stomach as I rush to the toilet to expel the food that comes along for the ride. Colton is right at my side pulling back my wavy hair. I stand and wrap my arms around my waist. “Give me a minute, please?” He nods and pulls the door closed behind him. I inhale a shaky breath, memories flooding my mind of the morning I realized I was pregnant and the fear that gripped me of having to tell Colton. I’ve carried this secret long enough. He’ll hate me in the end, but perhaps I deserve that. I take a moment to calm the trembling before I brush my teeth.
I walk into the living room, and Colton is waiting arms wide open and welcomes me into his lap. Without hesitation, I rest my head upon his chest. We sit tangled up in each other’s arms, just enjoying the silence.
Finally, Colton breaks the barrier with a light whisper, “Carly Jo, we need to heal. Please, darlin’, let us heal together. I need you. You are the other half of my heart, the other half of my soul. Whatever it is, just say it. I need to hear it.” Colton’s plea is gut wrenching. I can’t stand the thought of hurting him any longer.
“The mornin’ I left I wasn’t feeling well. I woke up nauseous and vomiting. Somethin’ felt off. At first I couldn’t put my finger on it, then when I glanced at the calendar on my phone I realized I was late. So I ran out to the pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test.” Colton’s eyes are wide with fear.
“I was pregnant. I had no intentions on leavin’, but I was scared. I went to the mines to see Daddy, expectin’ him to understand my dilemma. Boy was I wrong! He laughed in my face, told me that there was no way in hell he was going to raise Colton Weston’s bastard child. I was crushed. Daddy was my life, next to you. I didn’t know where else to turn. So I left.”
Colton stares off into oblivion for a few moments before I try to pull him back to reality. “Colton, please say something.”
“You were pregnant? Why didn’t you come to me, Carly Jo?! I was there; why didn’t you come to me?”
“I was scared.”
“You still should have come to me, damn it!”
“You broke up with me the day before. Daddy was so cold and mean to me. Refused to help me at all. I felt rejected and afraid. I didn’t know what else to do. So I packed my things and left. I went to the only place I knew as well as Williamstown—Myrtle Beach. I thought that if anyone loved me, they would come to look for me. But nobody ever came. After a couple weeks, I started my life over all alone.”
Colton’s body becomes rigid and tense, sweat beading at his forehead. His jaw grinds with tension, then he takes a deep breath before speaking.
“Sweetheart, that was seven years ago.” His voice is clipped, strained. “Where the hell is my child?”
Tears sting my eyes then freefall from my swollen lids. Chest-wracking sobs escape my chest as I shake uncontrollably. Colton tightens his grip around me and tries to slow his heavy breaths.
“Carly Jo, please, darlin’. What happened to the baby; I need to know!” Colton cries.
“I-I l-l-lost it.”
All the blood drains from Colton’s face as he gasps for air. Taking a few deep breaths, he clenches his teeth together, begging me for answers. “What do you mean, you lost it? Did you have a miscarriage?”
Another rush of rage rips through me as I think back to the day I woke up alone in the hospital, as I think back to the baby that I lost. I rip away from Colton’s embrace and stand in front of him. I yell my confession at him, shouting to the heavens for everyone to hear.
“I was beaten. Raped. I was stripped of the one sweet love in my life that I truly deserved, that would have loved me unconditionally. I’ll never be able to hold my child. I’ll never be able to nurse her! I’ll never be able to cuddle her, love her! I’ll never be able to watch her play in our backyard! I’ll never be able to watch her grow into a young lady. NEVER. And it’s all your fault, you damn bastard! If it weren’t for you, I never would have left Williamstown. I never would have been there in that parking lot that night to be attacked. I never would have experienced so much heartache, so much desperation, so much loss. But I did, all because of you, you damn son of a bitch. You ruined my life! You left me broken! You caused me to lose my child!”
Colton stands and reaches for me as my right fist connects with his left jaw. His head whips back, but he reacts quickly. Wrapping my tiny wrists between his large hands, he pulls me toward him and grasps his solid arms around my waist. An overwhelming gush of tears release from my eyes as I scream gut-wrenching cries for the child I lost.
