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Carly Jo’s eyes widen, and all the color has drained from her face, as she climbs on the bed and slowly trails her fingers down my left rib cage. “Tell me the story.” Her voice is barely audible. Frig. She continues to trace the outline of the tattoo, carefully examining the details artwork. Anxiety rises in my throat, and I can’t find my voice. Wincing my eyes closed, I hear her whisper, “Colton, please. Tell me the story.” I wrap my hand around her wrist, pull her tight to my side, and prepare to tell her the story of my broken heart.
Chapter 16
Colton
Clustered thoughts race through my mind, and I can’t sort through the memories to decide where to begin. I take another long, deep breath and shake my fears, then tell Carly Jo about the tattoo on my left rib cage. If we stand any chance at healing, I have to be honest with her about everything in my past. I’ll no longer bury secrets. She deserves better than that and always has. I was just a dick not to see it.
“Darlin’, when you left, you ripped my beatin’ heart right out of my chest, leavin’ it to die in your hands. I was already frayin’ at the edges and out of control. But when Big John told me you were gone for good, I unraveled at the seams. See, what you don’t know is I had a drug addiction. When I tore my ACL, the doctor gave me medicine to control the pain—Oxycodone. My knee hurt so damn bad I would pop oxys like they were Smarties. Before I knew it, I was hooked. After my knee healed up, I kept askin’ the doctor for more meds, and I guess he could see my addiction, so he refused. So I turned to the streets, throwin’ any pill I could find down my throat.
“We were livin’ different lives. You were still in high school, and I was lost in this world after losin’ my football scholarship. Damn, all I ever wanted to do was play football, but thanks to jackin’ up my knee that washed all of those dreams down the drain. So I partied, and I partied with anyone who would party with me. Me and the boys would crash frat parties every damn weekend, in search of whatever could light me up.” I pause, briefly trying to find the courage to go on.
“That’s where I met Kylee Jo’s Momma, Kari. She would party with us on the weekends. She meant nothin’ to me, Carly Jo. We were both high and drunk. Not a good combination. It only happened once. When I woke up the next mornin’ with her arms wrapped around me, I lost my shit. I told her it was a mistake, and it would never happen again because of you. She laughed at me. Three months later she showed up at the mines wavin’ ultrasound pictures in my face, tellin’ me I was gonna be a daddy. Shit, I didn’t know what to say, what to think, what to do. I was pissed, so naturally I said things I can never take back. Things that never should have been said. She began to cry, which made me feel like an even bigger dick. So I held her and told her it would be okay, that we would figure it out. I was raised to be a respectful man, and there’s no way I would ever turn my back on my own flesh and blood. She agreed to a paternity test, so we went to the hospital the followin’ week to have the tests ran. I told Big John I needed the day off because I had an appointment with my orthopedist, but he knew better than that shit. Kari and I were sittin’ in the outpatient lobby waitin’ to be called back for testin’ when Big John came strollin’ through the hospital and saw us sittin’ there together. Damn bastard followed me there. He didn’t say a word; just nodded, lettin’ me know that I’d been caught. He had already caught me crushin’ pills at the mines a few months before. But he talked to me, and I promised I’d get myself straight. Knowin’ that I had screwed up so royally gave Big John the fuel to burn our relationship to the ground.
“When I came into work the next morning, he called me into his office and gave me an ultimatum. I was to break up with you and be out of your life for good, or he was gonna piss me for drugs then fire me. I couldn’t afford to lose my job, not with Kylee Jo on the way. So I did the only thing I could do until I could find the right way to be honest with you, hopin’ you would understand. We broke up a few days later. I’m sure you remember the gut-wrenchin’ details, so we can skip that shit.” I clench the sheet, trying to suppress the anger that is building within me. I’ve relived this story over and over like a broken record, and finally, friggin’ finally the ending just might be changing. I rub my hand across my forehead roughly, wiping away the beads of sweat that are forming there.
“The next evening, when I came out of the mines at the end of my shift, the superintendent told me Big John wanted to see me. I assumed he wanted to see if his dirty deed was done, but when I walked into his office, I was met with a crazed son of a bitch and a right hook to the jaw. He told me you were gone—no explanation, just gone. He fired my ass and told me to stay the hell away from his family. I left the mines and raced over here, hopin’ that he was lyin’. I was gonna tell you everything if I caught up with you in time, because even if I would have lost you, at least you would have known the truth. You deserved the truth. But I was too late.
“There wasn’t much more to life for a while, other than stayin’ drunk and high. The paternity test came back that Kylee Jo was my baby. Kari tried so hard to make us work. I went along with the motions of bein’ an expectin’ father—attendin’ all of her OB/GYN appointments with her, shoppin’ for baby clothes and nursery furniture. It was useless. There was only one woman made for me, and you were gone.
“Pops gave me a job drivin’ a coal truck for Dalton Truckin’ so I could provide for Kylee Jo once she came into the world. But I was hellbent on stayin’ shitfaced. Momma told me to settle down, but I refused. I had no reason to live; I simply didn’t care. Even Kari dyin’ givin’ birth to Kylee Jo wasn’t enough to open my eyes.
“Left alone with a newborn baby at the age of twenty, I was scared shitless. I tried to take care of her, with Momma’s help, of course, but it was impossible. Hell, Momma has basically raised my sweet girl.” I grit my teeth to stow the building anger. Damn, I’ve made some stupid mistakes in my life.
“Too much stress in such a short amount of time. The oxy just wasn’t curin’ my cravins’ any longer. I needed more. So, I started snortin’ coke. I hid it well. I’d only get my fix on my last haul of the night. But one night I nearly killed myself ridin’ high. I hit black ice and slammed into the hillside going fifty-five miles per hour. I was a lucky son of a bitch, just a few cracked ribs.
“After I was released from the hospital, I was arrested and charged with DUI. Pops couldn’t even look at me he was so disgusted. When I walked into the courtroom at the arraignment, I searched the faces of every individual in there looking for Pops, but he wasn’t there. But Big John was. Sittin’ in the back by the doors. He paid my bail, but before takin’ me home, he made me make a promise to him. Your daddy told me that it was all his fault that you had left, that he shouldn’t have stuck his nose in our relationship. He was merely protectin’ his princess. He wanted me to get my life straightened out so when you did come home, you would come home to your Colton, the man you had fallen in love with when we were just kids. Not the shell of a man I had become.”
I look down at Carly Jo, and she’s expressionless. I trail my finger slowly up her arm, but she doesn’t move; she’s froze solid, by my side. “So the story of the tattoo is my broken heart. With you in my arms, my heart beats strongly, pumpin’ blood to my other organs and keepin’ me alive. But when you left, it felt like you ripped my heart straight from my chest, leavin’ my heart to die in your hands.
“These lines represent my heartbeat and the blood that flows through my heart. But when you ripped my heart in half, the blood stopped pumpin’, and I died inside. I was literally lifeless. That’s why half of the heart, the half with your name through it, is still red and vibrant. Because I can only live with you.” I grasp her hand and place it on my heart so she can feel the beating against my chest. “But without you, baby”—I close my eyes, shakin’ my head at the thought—“without you, my heart is hardened, black, and dead.”
I tug her tighter to my side and wipe away the tears that are free falling from her gorgeous hazel eyes. Carly Jo cradles her arms tight around her waist, embracing herself as she pulls away from me. Her silent tears turn to wrack sobbing cries. It crushes my heart, but she has to let the pain out. Smoothing the dark waves down her back, I try to comfort her while she releases her heartache.
“I-I’m so sorry, Colton. So sorry.”
“Shhhhh, please, darlin’. Please don’t cry anymore.” I press her cheek to my chest and whisper softly in her ear, “Listen, do you hear that? My heart is beatin’, but only because I have you. I love you, Carly Jo. Please, no more tears. When you cry, my heart wants to break. I need you, sweetheart. Please, just listen to the beat of my heart, and know that you’re the reason it beats.”
CARLY JO
I lay curled next to Colton’s warm body and listen to him tell me the story of his tattoo. The deeper he gets into the story, the louder my heart screams. The tattoo, a simple heartbeat line that flows into a vibrant red heart. Reaching the shatter in the center of the heart, the heartbeat flat lines as blood drips in the middle. The other half of the heart is black and dead. Through the heartbeat my name is scrolled in script. Seeing this tattoo, hearing the story behind it as Colton describes the last seven years of his personal hell, makes me realize I did this to him. I caused him gut-wrenching anguish. All because I left. I … broke … him.
I wrap my arms tight around my waist and pull away from Colton, hugging myself tight. I don’t deserve his touch. I don’t deserve him. All this time I’ve blamed Colton for leaving me. But that isn’t true. I left him. I was unreasonable. I could have saved us both from seven years of gut-ripping heartache, but I was young and stupid. If I hadn’t have ran, we could have faced our struggles together. We would have our child; we would have our happily ever-after. It would have been an uphill battle, but our love would have pulled us through. There is no turning back now. What’s done is done. In the past. Although I don’t think I can ever forget. I can never forgive myself for destroying our family.
Colton wraps his strong arm around my waist and tugs me tight to his side. Running his nose up the side of my jaw, he wipes away my tears. “Don’t you dare pull away from me like that, darlin’. Don’t reject me now. No more tears. My heart breaks a little more each time a tear escapes your gorgeous hazel eyes. Please, baby, no more cryin’.” Colton holds me tight until I cry my last tear. He caresses my back and whispers sweet words of love until my breathing calms. When I have finally settled down, Colton places a sweet soft kiss on my lips.
Glancing over at the clock on the nightstand, he releases a deep sigh, then stands to dress. One look at his tightly sculpted ass, my core clenches, and all pain is erased momentarily from my thoughts. As he pulls his shirt down his chest, he smirks, “Like what’cha see, darlin’?”
My cheeks redden, but I can’t help but to reply, “Hell, yes!” His eyes grow passionate, and he pulls me up from the bed, tight to his chest as he grips my hair tight in his fist.
“Baby, I’d enjoy nothing more than to make love to you again, but you have worked up my appetite. It’s dinner time.” I sigh deeply, then reach up on my toes and kiss his cheek. Colton smiles, then stares deep into my eyes, and says, “Stay with me tonight, darlin’.” He doesn’t ask—he demands. Nerves twist into knots in my stomach as I feel anxiety creep into my chest.
“Colton, I’d love to, but I-I don’t know. I don’t think I could stay in your parents’ home. It would be disrespectful.” Colton laughs.
“Baby, get your things. You’re stayin’ with me tonight, end of discussion. Now get movin’.” Colton breaks our embrace, picks up his bag, then turns to leave the room just as I begin to protest. Throwing his hand up, he stops me. “Ah, don’t even. Get your things and be downstairs in five minutes, or we’ll be late for supper. Scoot, woman.”
I toss the necessities in a gym bag quickly, then pad down the stairs in search of Colton.
“Hey, I’m ready.”
