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“Cross your heart?”
“Cross my heart,” I tell her, making imaginary x’s with my finger over my heart, just as I did when I was a kid.
“Why don’t I have a mommy?”
I freeze. I can feel the pressure behind my eyes as they threaten to jump right out of my head. I reach back and unbuckle her seat belt and help her climb over to the front seat. “Kylee Jo, have you talked to your daddy about your mommy?” I ask her, so scared to even touch the subject due to the sensitivity of it. She nods and continues to play with her dress. “And what did Daddy tell you, baby girl?”
“Daddy told me that my mommy is an angel up in heaven.”
“That’s what your daddy told me too. Sometimes Mommies are so special that God needs them to help Him in heaven. He knew that your daddy was big and strong and could take good care of you.” I don’t know how else to answer.
“Well, why did he have to take my little baby too?”
“You’re little baby?” I ask, confused by what she’s referring to.
“Your baby, Carly Jo. Daddy told me that I should have a little brother or sister, but it went to heaven before it could be born. Why?”
Tears well up in my eyes, and my breath has escaped my body. I had no idea that Colton had told her about the baby. Why would he do that? Hell, she is just a baby herself. There is no way she can wrap her tiny little head around any of this. I can’t even understand it some days. I take her hand in mine and give her the only answer I can.
“I don’t know, sweets. It isn’t fair, and it hurts, but I don’t have any answers.” I pull her into a hug and kiss the top of her head. She is a tough kid, asking such profound questions for her six-year-old mind. She doesn’t cry a single tear, she isn’t even sad, really. She just doesn’t understand.
“Will you be my momma one day?” She smiles at me with her eyes. My breath hitches, my throat feels as if it is closing up, and my heart stills. She stares up at me with sweet googly eyes waiting for an answer, but I don’t have an answer to give her. I can’t tell her no, and I’m not sure I want to. So I offer her the only answer I can think of while in dire panic.
“Kylee Jo, I think you and your daddy need to talk about that, baby girl. I love you so, so much. But you need to talk to Daddy, okay.” Her little face falls flat, and I can see that I’ve just shattered her world. I hate that I’ve broke her heart, but Colton and I are just building our relationship, and I’m still getting to know her. I can’t say “well sure, I’ll be your mom, let’s hop off to Disney World to celebrate.” I’d love to, but in reality that’s not how life works. Kylee Jo nods then hugs me before climbing over the console to the back seat.
“Buckle up, the roads are slick. When we get home, we’ll wrap the presents you bought your daddy, okay?”
“Awesome blossom. Turn the music up, and let’s roll.”
And just like that, she is back to her smiling self, forgetting the little moment we just shared.
COLTON
Carly Jo and Kylee Jo are comin’ in from God knows what they have gotten into, just as I’m gettin’ ready for work. Kylee Jo rushes into my arms and starts to tell me all about their girls’ night, flashin’ her sparkly hot pink fingers and toes.
“They put my feet in warm bubbles, and it tickled.” She giggles.
“Did ya have fun, baby girl?”
“Sure did, Carly Jo bought me dresses and boots too, but she said I have to wait to open some of them on Christmas.” She rolls her eyes before bouncing down the hall to her bedroom. Carly Jo wraps her arms around my waist and tips up on her toes to kiss me.
“Missed ya,” she whispers against my lips. I kiss her softly, because if I pull her any closer I’ll be late for work.
“Thanks for takin’ Kylee Jo out for the evenin’; did my girls have fun?” She follows me into the kitchen and puts together my lunch for the night.
“We had a great time. We went to the salon for some pampering, shopped for some Christmas presents, then we shared some ice cream.”
“Ice cream in the middle of December? Shoulda had hot chocolate.” I shake my head.
“How’d I know you’d say that?” She laughs and wraps her arms around my neck to kiss me.
“Well, I’m gonna be late if I don’t get goin’. Make sure she eats dinner and has her bath. Don’t let her con you into lettin’ her stay up past eight-thirty; got it,” I bark out my orders on my way out the door.
“I got this. Be careful tonight. Love ya.”
When I get to the mines, I put on my gear and head to the man trip. I’ve been trying to keep a close eye on Eric since I suspected that he was using. I’ve talked to Dave a couple of times, and he assures me that Eric is a hard worker, never givin’ him any reasons to doubt him. Regardless, it’s my job to make sure that these men stay in line and there are no safety issues.
When I get to the section where the men are workin’, everything seems to be running steady. I make my way through the section, looking for Dave when I hear cussing coming from the pinner men. I approach the two who are about to come to blows right here underground.
