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“I meant with his infidelity.”
I shrugged. “Said she was fine with it, but I don’t believe anything he says.” I finished every bite of the dessert and set down my spoon. Now I just wanted to leave and drop the conversation forever.
But Deacon wasn’t done. “How long did this relationship last?”
I pushed through it. “A few months.”
He nodded slightly.
“I didn’t love him, if that’s your next question.”
He dropped his gaze, like it had been on his mind.
“My husband had just left me, immediately moved in with this woman he met at work, and Jake came on to me…and I just didn’t care anymore.” I stared at the melted ice cream on my plate. “I was filled with so much guilt because my husband blamed me for everything. He said I worked too much, didn’t do enough sexy things for him, didn’t do my part in the apartment, the list goes on and on. My confidence was shattered. I knew hooking up with Jake was a violation of the rules, but I already hated myself so much that I just… It didn’t matter.” I hated thinking about the past because it always made me feel like shit again, but I understood why Deacon was curious, and he’d never had the opportunity to ask in the past. “When I dumped Jake, I’d given up on men. They were all assholes, just in different flavors. Then I met you…” I lifted my gaze. “And I knew you were different. I know you were a real man, and when we got together, I felt like the universe was finally giving me what I deserved. I’d kissed all the frogs and paid my dues, got my heart broken like everyone else, and this was finally the happily ever after I’d dreamed about since I was young.”
He lifted his gaze and looked at me.
“I want to marry you. I want to spend my life with you.” I unburdened my heart to him. “I want to be a mother to your son. I want to have more babies with you. If you asked me to marry you tomorrow, I would say yes. This is the end of the road for me. I can’t be with someone else, not after you.” If we couldn’t make this work, I’d just be alone forever. How did you have a great love like ours then be with someone else after that? It just wasn’t possible.
His fingertips rested on the stem of his glass as he held my gaze. “I said I wanted to take it slow…”
“I know,” I said quickly. “I don’t expect anything, Deacon. I just want you to know that I love you in a way I’ve never loved anyone else, or I’ll love anyone in the future. Whether we never get married, whether we move to a desert island, whether you tell me you don’t want to have more kids…I’m not going anywhere. As long as I’m with you, I don’t care what our future looks like. But I’m not going to lie and say I don’t want those things…because I do.”
“I do too,” he whispered. “Someday.”
Nineteen
Deacon
We got into the back seat of the car. “Tell Jerry the address.”
She sat beside me, visibly uncertain at the command. “Deacon, I really don’t mind—”
“Why are you arguing with me?” I wasn’t the kind of man that always needed to get his way, but this was nonnegotiable. Even when she was just my assistant, I didn’t like the idea of her walking home alone, even in a safe area. Now, she was everything to me, and I wasn’t going to go home and hop in the shower while she took the subway all the way to Brooklyn by herself—at nearly ten in the evening. I wouldn’t be able to relax, not until I got that text from her that she was okay.
She turned quiet, her mouth closing as she turned her gaze away. Then she gave the driver the address.
We pulled onto the road and began the drive. Since there was no traffic at this time of night, it only took twenty minutes. But in commuter traffic, that time would at least double.
She kept her gaze out the window, silent.
I didn’t apologize for snapping at her. Her request was unrealistic, and she knew it, especially since I always took her home. Whether she lived in Brooklyn or fucking New Jersey, I would get her there.
We arrived in Brooklyn and headed down a couple streets I didn’t like. I assumed we were just passing through, but the driver pulled up to a curb where some shady characters sat together on a park bench. A car alarm was going off farther down the road, and a guy with his hood up walked on the other side of the street, swaying his shoulders in an attempt to look menacing.
