Page 32 of The Summer Song


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A creeping voice in the back of my head said: You weren’t good enough for Brad. What makes you think you could even come close to being good enough for Leo Turner?

There it was, the mantra that had haunted my adult life, my whole life really. You’re not good enough.

You’re not good enough to have a successful business.

You’re not good enough to live up to your family’s standards.

You’re not good enough for a man.

You’re just not good enough.

I closed my eyes, trying to ground myself and wondering if Mom kept the painkillers in the same place. I had a doctor’s appointment to get to, which Mom had taken off work for. I hadn’t been doing a great job of relaxing and giving my foot time to heal, which wasn’t the most responsible choice. I worried that the doctor was going to give me bad news or say I was overdoing it and needed to stay home more. Which would be the final nail in my proverbial coffin.

I sighed. It was going to be a long day.

I glanced down at my phone to see that I had a missed call from Scarlet. She was relentless. I used to joke about her stubborn streak. Still, what nerve did she have trying to call me after everything that had happened?

I had a voicemail from her. I was even more enraged. Who even left voicemails these days? I clicked the phone off, deciding to leave that for another day. Or never.

I decided I needed to get moving. I had my tote bag to pack; I was planning on doing some boardwalk photos after the appointment. I would get Mom to drop me off at Tino’s so I could visit my co-workers and as a ruse, of course, for the photo ops. It was going to be tough with my crutches, but if I wore the long dress, it would cover my foot. At least I could make a little money while I was off. My parents and Leo, of course, insisted I didn’t need to worry. But I had a broken ankle, not a broken body. I could pull my own weight. I could make some money. I didn’t need to be taken care of. In fact, I’d already considered that maybe if things went well at the appointment, I could actually hobble down to Tino’s and convince him I could still work.

I was contemplating my speech when Mom knocked on my bedroom door then, bursting in.

“Hey, you. Time to get ready. Wear something nice.”

I eyed Mom suspiciously. “We’re going to the doctor’s office. What does it matter if I look okay?” I had, in all honesty, contemplated wearing the T-shirt and workout shorts I’d worn to bed for my appointment.

“Well, that’s not the only place you’re going. You have a lunch date.” Mom was sing-songy in a way that made me very nervous. My heart started to sink as I wondered if somehow, she’d gotten ahold of Leo. The last thing I needed was my mom involved in the Leo Turner situation that was already complicated.

“With whom?” I asked, taking the bait as I got myself out of bed and hobbled to my closet on my crutches, already planning to up my outfit if Leo was involved. And wondering what that meant.

“Carl,” Mom replied.

I laughed, but her face was serious. “Carl from the hotel? Jacques’ son, Carl?”

Jacques was the owner of the hotel Mom worked at, The Sea Escape, and Carl was his serious, super nasally son who had worked at the hotel for years. He was about five years older than me, very stoic, and the dullest person I’d ever met. In my early teens, when we’d go to work parties for mom, she’d always tried to set me up with him. I thought of the time we’d had to slow dance together at one of her co-worker’s weddings. That was not a time I liked to revisit, Carl talking about his pet rock—literally his pet rock—the entire time. She had to be kidding.

“Now, come on. Carl’s a nice guy,” Mom argued.

“If you want to fall asleep on your date,” I retorted. “I’m not going.”

“Listen, he asked if you would be interested. I think it could be good for you.”

“I don’t think my ankle is up for it,” I lied, knowing I would regret that later.

Mom side-eyed me. “You weren’t complaining when you were out and about with Leo this past week. If you overdid your ankle, it’s his fault.”

“I thought you were team Leo Turner a few days ago,” I asked, hating to discuss Leo but knowing it was better than having Mom set me up with Carl.

“Leo Turner is a fun time for a rebound. For a date you can tell your kids about once you settle down. And I’m, of course, grateful he’s been so kind to you after the accident. It’s a fun experience. But not for the long term, Tillie. Your lives don’t mesh. He’s going to go back to the UK eventually and back to his life of mansions and caviar. You need to start thinking of your future.”

“He doesn’t eat caviar every single day, Mom,” I retorted. She raised an eyebrow. It was a weak argument, certainly. But still.

“Well, I’m just saying, Tillie. I think you should listen to me this time. Your last pick didn’t work out. You need to find someone nice and stable.”

Of course we would end up back at this conversation. “I don’t need a man to be happy. I’m fine on my own.”

“I know you’re hurting. And I know law school isn’t the answer to sorting things out, despite what your father thinks. Still, he’s right about one thing. Stability isn’t a bad thing. A secure, reliable career and a nice, stable guy could be just what you need.”

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