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Can you come over? Please? It’s important. I need to see you. I’ll send my security team to get you.
The text I got from Leo made my heart jolt. It wasn’t playful. It was simple. My heart knew before my head would accept it. I looked at myself in the mirror as I swiped on some makeup and put on a cute outfit. I should just ignore it, but I couldn’t. I thought about the summer we’d had. I thought about how ripping off a band-aid worked in theory but not in matters of the heart.
Goodbye was still coming, but at least we could part on better terms. I cared about him. I loved him. I needed to honor that by at least saying goodbye—didn’t I?
Still, my self-preservation was going strong this time. I wouldn’t be caught unaware or feeble. I’d be the steadfast Tillie who could literally and emotionally stand on her own two feet now. I would stand strong and brave. After all, this was no one’s fault but my own. I knew from that moment I woke up to a stranger by my hospital bed that falling for him was a bad idea. He hadn’t turned out to be a serial killer or a criminal—but arguably, it had turned out worse. He turned out to be a man I loved, really loved, and could see forever with.
Still, knowing something is a bad idea and accepting the fact are two different things when it comes to love. My eyes felt ready to explode into tears at any moment. I willed myself to be strong.
I’ll be over. I’ll take the bus, I typed.
Leo: No. It’s not safe.
Okay. Send security.
Just typing the words made me shudder. It was really a different world entirely, and I didn’t know if I was ready to face it—even to say goodbye.
***
LEO HAD A SPREAD OF breakfast foods on his table for two and some pink roses. I smiled at the heavenly scent of pancakes, bacon, and eggs. I wished it was just a normal, summer breakfast, a romantic morning together. But I could detect in his stiff movements, in the way he looked at me that it wasn’t. Things changed so quickly, didn’t they?
It had only been, what? Six weeks since he’d come to town? A month and a half packed with boardwalk dates, karaoke, dinner, kite flying, pizza making...and falling in love. It hadn’t taken long for me to fall for Brad, and when we broke up, I’d sworn I wouldn’t do it again. But here I was, in the same boat except worse because this time, it wasn’t Leo being horrible or doing something unforgivable. It was the fact that our lives, our dreams, just didn’t mesh.
We’d come together for a summer affair, a song on the breeze. But the summer always chilled, and the tourists always went home. The beach closed, and the boardwalk shops sold their inventory. No matter how magical, sunny, or perfect, it came to a stalled ending. And there we were.
“Your crutches and cast are gone. That’s great,” Leo said when I walked in. It was the first time he’d seen me walk in normally. I was nervous about icy tension between us after my silent treatment of him, but just being in his presence, it faded. I studied him, melancholy wrapping its fingers around me as I stared at his eyes, his strong presence. I exhaled, fighting back tears, as I knew two things: I loved him, and he was leaving.
“My parents left to give us some privacy. They’re out with one of my guards,” he said. I turned to see a few guys in suits keeping an eye on the perimeter of the house, both inside and out. There were a few cars and a few dozen people in the front yard. It was a bizarre sight. I didn’t know how anyone got used to it.
I turned my attention back to the difficult task at hand. I wouldn’t have to get used to any of it.
“I know what this is about,” I whispered, too upset to play at social niceties. It might undo me completely to sit and pretend we weren’t falling apart, to look into his eyes knowing how it would all end. Leo ushered me to the chair, but I didn’t move. I knew already. “I knew when I saw your parents this was ending. I knew before that, in truth. I knew when I first started spending time with you that it was crazy to think this could be anything other than a weird run-in.” My words weren’t angry. They were soft and morose, a vulnerable confession neither of us had wanted to face this summer.
“Tillie, it’s not like that. Yes, we need to talk. My parents and I had a lengthy conversation about the future, about my career, and about everything. You’re right. I need to go back. I can’t stay away forever. Singing is in my blood, and even though this summer has given me perspective on what needs to change, I can’t just quit my dreams completely. I can’t.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to do that,” I replied. And it was true. Even if he wanted to quit, I wouldn’t let him. I knew what it was like to lose a dream, to lose yourself.
“But just because I have to go back doesn’t mean this isn’t real or can’t work. Plenty of people do long distance relationships. I gave you your space these past few days to think, but being away from you has just solidified it for me. I missed you so much these past few days. And even though it hasn’t been long and it sounds crazy, I really do love you. You’ve become such a big part of my story, but more importantly, my happiness. I can’t imagine doing life without you. I don’t want to lose what we have.”
I wanted to hang on to his words and to believe the look in his eyes. I wanted to believe somehow, we could defy the odds.
“But it isn’t just distance,” I argued, steeling myself. “‘We have two different lives that would never mesh. I’m here, starting my dream. And you’re an ocean away, traveling the world and doing amazing things. I don’t see how it could ever work.” I turned to look toward the front door, as if to remind Leo of the throngs of fans gathered outside chanting his name.
He stepped closer then. I inhaled the scent of his cologne, a scent I knew would haunt me long after this had ended.
“I know it’s selfish of me to ask you to handle all this. My life is complicated, I know. It’s a lot. But Tillie, I don’t want this to end,” he said, looking straight into my eyes. I looked up into the blue eyes that had awakened me in so many ways in the past weeks. “I love you. I do. And not just for the summer. Not just because you were a summer escape. But because this thing between us, this connection, it’s home. It’s grounding. It’s peace and just pure love like I’ve never felt. You’ve reminded me of who I am and what matters most. We’re good together, so good, and I know our life together could be beautiful, even if it’s complicated and chaotic. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you’re safe and to make sure my life doesn’t hold you back.”
Tears were flowing. A huge part of me wanted to give in, to forget logic. I wanted to let him wrap me in his cozy dream of possibility. But I’d let myself be lulled by romance before. I’d let myself naively think that loyalty and connection were certainties, were safe.
“I’m sorry, Leo. I can’t do this. We’re just not going to work out. It was a beautiful month with you, and because of you, I’m back on track with my dreams. But this can’t work. You’re out there living a life so different than mine. You’ve got all those women and things going on. I can’t let you be held back by me and this sleepy town.”
“All those women? What’s that supposed to mean?” he said, stepping back, shaking his head. “I thought after the time we spent together, you knew me better. You still see me as that guy in the tabloid headlines, Lascivious Leo or whatever they call me. Really?”
“Leo, it’s not like that.” I regretted the words I’d said.
“I’ll tell you what it’s not like. It’s not like we have to end this. We don’t. You just want to end it, Tillie, because it scares you. But I’ll say it again. I’m not him. I’m sorry he hurt you, I am. But I’m not him.”
I stared right into his eyes as he lasered his gaze into mine.
