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“I saw Tino today. He said you called this afternoon in tears begging to come back.”
My face flamed red. “I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”
“You didn’t embarrass me. I’m the one who should be embarrassed.”
I tilted my head. He sighed.
“Tillie, I’m sorry you thought you were on your own with this. Like you had to sort it all out. I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could come to me first.”
“I just wanted to make you proud. I’ve let you down so many times, Dad. I’m sorry.” The tears kept flooding.
My dad stared straight ahead. Tears had never been something he was well-equipped to handle, and vulnerability in general wasn’t his cup of tea. I knew this conversation was making him uncomfortable, but he didn’t get up to leave. He stayed put, staring out at the ocean.
“You know my family situation wasn’t great. I mean, you’ve never met your grandparents on my side for a reason. But what you might not know is that house really left its mark on me. Big time, Tillie. Or maybe you do know that. You’re a smart girl, and even though I try to come off as stoic, I know I don’t always do well.”
I didn’t say anything, letting him talk. I’d heard the story about his parents being drug-addicted and abusive. But it felt like he needed to get something else off his chest.
“When I was thirteen and my dad hit me for the millionth time, when I walked into the kitchen to find empty cupboards and needles on the counter, I made a promise to myself. I’d stand on my own two feet, and if I ever had children, I’d help them learn to do the same. At thirteen, I was taught the world was a dark world that you shouldn’t trust. You had to rely on yourself and yourself alone. People let you down. So, I threw myself into school. I threw myself into my career and working my way to college. I kept my head down. I relied on myself and that was it. Until your mother came along and wouldn’t let me keep my head down,” he said, smiling. That sounded like Mom.
“Still, your mother softened me and helped me understand love wasn’t a distraction. But when you were born, Tillie, I was terrified. I’d been let down by deadbeat parents. I wouldn’t do that for you. I would teach you to be strong and wise to the world. I would make it so you’d be so strong and independent, no one could hurt you. I know now that was a mistake. I went too far. And now here you are, trying too hard not to rely on anyone.”
“I mean, I’m living in my old bedroom. I wouldn’t call myself independent,” I argued.
“I would. Look at you. Going to New York City to start your dream. Making it work for yourself for all those years. And even when you got a bad hand, what did you do? You came back here, sure, but you got right back to work hustling and taking photos on the boardwalk to make money—yes, I knew about that.”
My face turned red.
“It’s not something to be embarrassed about, Tillie. I’m proud of you. I’m proud that no matter what comes your way, you’re determined to sort it out. From working the boardwalk to coming up with this new coffee shop plan, you don’t let anyone get in your way or anything. Not even my overbearing attempts at reality. You’re stubborn but in all the best ways, in the ways I wish I was. You’re not afraid to go again and again when it comes to your dreams. And I love that about you. I’m so proud of you, Tillie. I’m sorry if I didn’t say that enough.”
Tears really started flowing now. “But I’m a failure.”
“You’re not. You’re a dreamer. Does that mean you misstep sometimes? Of course. But Tillie, all I wanted for you was to be able to stand on your own two feet to find your own happiness. And you’re doing that. I admire you. I wish I was brave like you, could chase after my own crazy dreams instead of stability. But maybe it all worked out like it was supposed to. Maybe it’s all been for this dream.”
“A dream that’s dead in the water. I didn’t get the loan,” I said.
“No, but I did,” he said. I froze for a second, waiting for him to laugh. I turned to him. His face was serious.
“What?”
“I got the loan, Tillie. Now, we just have to do the paperwork for the building, and we’re set to start working.”
“I can’t let you do that,” I said, shaking my head.
“It’s done. Besides, you’ll pay me back. It’s an investment. When it becomes Ocean City’s number one coffee house, people will wish they would have invested like me. It’s a selfish thing, really,” he said.
I shook my head, leaping up to hug him. I had no words.
“It’s okay to depend on people, Tillie. Especially your mother and me. We’re here for you, always. I’m sorry we let you forget that.”
I sobbed into my dad’s shirt like a five-year-old and didn’t care. He believed in me, in my dream. He believed in me so much, he risked his own finances.
“I won’t let you down, Dad,” I said, pulling back.
“You never could.”
I made my way back to my seat, staring at the ocean as it all swirled around me. My dreams were happening, despite it all. I wiped at my tears, soaking in the unbelievable reality that my dreams were coming true and that my dad had made it all happen.
“I’ve never been accused of being a romantic, especially by your mother,” my dad said then. I smiled. “But if he’s meant to be with you, if he’s worthy of you, he’ll come back. Don’t ever for a second think you weren’t good enough, that you didn’t deserve him. It’s the other way around, Tillie.”
