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As usual, I’m left confused by my mother’s rapid-fire questions. She has a way of weaving them into a thick blanket heavy enough to drag me down and rob me of the will to live. Considering I wasn’t expecting to hear from her for weeks, I’m more dazed than ever. “Hang on a second,” I counter when I find my voice. “Where are you?”
“I’m standing in your apartment, and it looks like you’ve been robbed!” Her voice is shaky, full of raw emotion.
I drop to the bed when my legs start shaking too hard to hold me up. No fucking way. This is not happening. Of all the possible roadblocks and challenges I’ve pondered over in the two weeks since I came to live here on the Santoro compound, my parents never came into the equation. I’ve been happy to brush them aside since they were supposed to be overseas for another three weeks.
“What do you mean you’re in my apartment?” I demand when the shock wears off enough for anger to seep into my voice. “Since when do you show up unannounced?”
“Since when do I need a reason to surprise my daughter? I thought you’d be happy to see us home so soon,” she insists. As always, she’s the victim, hurt by my lack of enthusiasm. The woman is a pro at turning any situation into an opportunity to be the wounded party.
There are much more pressing questions fighting for the chance to be a voice, and I blurt out the biggest one of all rather than explain myself, “Why did you come home so early, anyway? Are you guys okay?” I wouldn’t put it past her to give me shit about the apartment while forgetting to mention Dad is sick or something. I love the woman, but knowing we’re both on the same continent again is enough to make my insides feel hot and queasy.
“That’s not important now!” I hear her voice bounce off the walls and can picture her standing in the living room, throwing her hands into the air in a familiar gesture. “Where is everything? All the pictures on the walls are gone. Your books are off the shelves. What goes on around here? We go on vacation, and you decide to move?”
Deep breaths. If I get overly agitated all too fast, she’ll take it as a sign that things are terrible and I need her to jump in. “Everything is fine,” I announce in a quieter voice. I wish it felt closer to the truth. But the icy sweat now dampening the nape of my neck tells another story. I’m not ready for this.
“So where is everything? You’re not making sense, Emilia Jane.”
Everybody knows it’s serious when the full name comes out. I’m twenty-four years old, but twenty years are magically shaved off my age when I hear it. “I have my reasons. I can’t share them just yet. Trust me when I tell you everything is fine. I’m not in any danger, I’m not sick, and nobody robbed me. Nothing is wrong.”
She scoffs loudly, making me wince again. “Well, I find it hard to believe they could be anything that would warrant you moving half the things from your apartment.”
My jaw hurts from clenching so tight. “I can tell you all about it eventually, just not right now. I’m sorry. I know how that sounds.”
“I don’t like this. Neither will your father when I tell him.”
“Speaking of Dad, is he all right? You didn’t say why you guys came back so early.” I need to distract her. We have to get off this topic and fast.
“Oh, that.” She sounds disgusted, which doesn’t bode well. “There was a big mix-up with the company we booked through, and they messed up our arrangements and ended up double booking our hotel when we got to the third stop on the tour. Since everything was nonrefundable, we couldn’t recoup our losses. We could’ve gone somewhere else and put it on a card, but your dad was so angry, he didn’t feel like staying.”
And that’s my father in a nutshell. Why blame the travel company when you can blame an entire country? The equivalent of taking his ball and going home. “That’s awful. I’m sorry it ended so soon.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she says with a light, breezy sigh. “These things happen for a reason.”
“Did you not enjoy it out there?” Please, tell me all about it. Every single detail, so long as we don’t delve deeper into my current living situation.
“This was always much more your father’s idea than mine. I went along with it because that’s what you do when you’re married.” She always finds a way to make herself sound like a martyr. “So we had to cut the trip short. Good thing we got insurance on our flight, or else we would be stuck out there in that stifling heat with your dad in a lousy mood. I shudder to think.”
“Me too.”
“So, where are you? At the station? I could come over. We could go for lunch later.”
Out of everything she’s said so far, that’s what sets the red flags waving in my head. “No, don’t do that. I’m not at the station. I’m…” There’s only one way to get past this without her finding out anything before I’m ready to open up. “I sort of can’t talk about it right now. If anything, I probably shouldn’t have answered your call, but I wanted to be sure there weren’t any emergencies or whatever.” I squeeze my eyes shut, praying she’ll buy it.
If there is a hell, I’m probably going there for lying like this. Good thing I don’t believe in it. I’ve seen too much of the hell humans can create for each other to believe there’s anything in the afterlife that could be worse.
My admission has the intended effect. “Oh my goodness!” she says with a gasp. “Please go. Don’t endanger yourself on my account.”
“It’s not that serious,” I insist with a soft laugh. I don’t need my mom giving herself a stroke. “But I am very busy. And I should go, but I will get back to you soon. I promise.” Another lie. I’m buying time to come up with a plausible excuse.
“Tell me you’re being safe,” she pleads. “That whatever you’re doing, you aren’t in any danger.”
I respond the only way I can, the only way I ever have since graduating from the academy and working my way up. “I’ll do my best. Love to Dad.” And I end the call before my guilt can consume me. It’s only when I’m staring at my darkened phone that I remember wanting to ask when she got in the habit of entering my apartment without warning. Is this the first time? Somehow, I doubt it.
There’s only so long I’ll be able to dodge my parents now that they’re back in town. Eventually, I will have to tell them everything about Luca and me. This isn’t some fling that will fizzle out after some time. All I have to do now is figure out how to make the rest of my life fit into my plans.
My hand trembles as I set the phone down and pace the room. Like I don’t have enough on my mind, the prospect of breaking the news to my parents has been moved up three weeks. I have to figure out a way to not only confess I’ve resigned from the department without shocking them to death but that I’m in love with the son of a notorious mob boss whose family was in my crosshairs until not so long ago. Then I have to convince them to keep things under wraps, or else risk word of my relationship getting back to my former superiors and possibly getting me into an even bigger mess when my lies are uncovered. Not only me but the family now sheltering me.
And I was fretting over not having enough to do.
