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I’ve slept in my car twice now, and the thought that either of those nights could have ended with me being violated again makes me want to curl up in a corner. I’ve endured so much from Steven, and to know that I finally got away from him to just end up in a similar situation causes my heart to thump heavily in my chest.
I put my hand to my throat and my eyes dart to Jaxon. He’s moved several feet closer. Oh God, what am I going to do? I have nowhere to go. But I can’t stay in my car again. That’s out of the question.
As if he’s read my thoughts again, Jaxon says, “There’s a small apartment upstairs that you can use. It’s not much, but it’ll be a hell of a lot safer than sleeping in your car.”
I sag in relief. Normally, I can’t stand, nor would I accept, charity, but in this case, I suck it up. The thought of sleeping in my car makes me quake in my cheap thrift store shoes. I’ve been lucky so far; no way am I taking the chance of breaking my lucky streak. Besides, once I start making money, I can pay him rent.
“Thank you,” I whisper. Tears form in my eyes from the gratitude I feel. I blink them back.
“Now, back to the other issue. Are you going to tell me what you’re running from?” He just doesn’t give up, does he?
“No, I’m not.” I clench my hands and lift my chin in defiance. I have too much to lose if I reveal my secrets.
“Goddamn it, Bailey.Wwhy won’t you let me help you? What are you hiding from? Who’s hurt you and made you so scared you won’t even look me in the eyes?” His voice rises with each question. Surprisingly enough, it doesn’t scare me, and my own temper rises. Before I can stop myself, I lose it.
“Just leave it the fuck alone, Jaxon!” I yell at him. “It’s none of your business! Yes, something happened to me, okay, but I’m not talking about it! I’m never talking about it. All I want to do is forget!”
My eyes grow wide, and my hands fly to my mouth. I’ve never raised my voice to a man before. Well, I have, but I learned really quickly to never do it again, both from my father and my husband. The repercussions were tremendous.
Jaxon just stares at me with raised eyebrows. The two silver rings twinkle in the light.
“I—I’m sorry. I’m sorry for yelling at you.” I squeeze my eyes closed, waiting for him to lash out at me. I know it’s coming. It has to. I disrespected and yelled at him. Tears stream from the corners of my eyes.
Instead of a fist to the side of my head, I feel gentle hands rest lightly on both sides of my face.
“Jesus Christ, angel, what did he do to you?” Jaxon whispers. “Please, look at me.”
I slowly peek up at him through my wet lashes. He’s looking at me with tormented eyes. His beautiful multicolored eyes should never carry that look.
His thumbs brush my wet cheeks, wiping away the tears that are sliding down my face. His touch is so soft and soothing. I’ve never experienced anything like it. The men in my life don’t comfort me; they hurt me, whether or not I deserve it. I have no idea how to react to his gentle touch. Should I trust it? I don’t know this man, but I’m starting to wonder if he’s different from the other men who have been in my life. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen anger in his eyes, but each time he doesn’t react the way I think and fear he will. This also isn’t the first time I’ve defied him, and again, each time he doesn’t punish me with violence. Instead, he looks at me with sadness and tries to comfort me.
“I don’t know what that bastard did to you, but not all men are like him. I’m not like him. I would never hurt you. Do you understand me, angel?” He continues to rub his thumbs over my cheeks, watching my reaction to his touch and words. I want to believe him so badly, but it’s too hard to get over my fear. I’ve lived with it my entire life.
Still looking at him, I lower my hands from my mouth and hold them to my chest. I’ve stopped crying, but still feel overwhelmed by my feelings. He slowly pulls me closer to his hard chest until he’s trapped my hands between us. He moves one hand to the back of my head, applying pressure so my cheek rests against his pec. His other hand wraps around my back. I hear the rapid beat of his heart against my ear and it somehow helps alleviate the torrent of feelings rushing through me. I ball my hands into fists, grabbing the material of his shirt in the process.
His chin goes to the top of my head and he starts to rock me while whispering reassurances.
“Shh… Bailey. You’re safe here. I won’t let anyone hurt you. I’m giving you my word that no one will ever hurt you again. You don’t know it yet, but you can trust me.”
I lift my head and look up at him. “Why?” I whisper. “Why are you willing to promise me that? You don’t even know me.”
“Because no woman should be as afraid as you are. No woman should have that tortured look you have in your eyes. Men are put on earth to protect and cherish women, not harm them. I don’t know what happened to you, but I do know that whatever it was, it was bad.”
His eyes have turned hard again, and I suck in a sharp breath. He feels it, closes them again, and breathes in deeply. When he opens his eyes, he’s schooled the intensity in his expression. It now holds determination and some other emotion that I’m too afraid to name. He cups the side of my face and his other hand rubs up and down my back.
“I—I better get back out there with Mia.” My words are stuttered because of the nervousness Jaxon makes me feel.
I don’t want to leave the protection of his arms, but I know that I can’t and shouldn’t stay here any longer. What Jaxon makes me feel when his arms are wrapped around me is both exhilarating and frightening. How can this man, a man I just met a couple days ago, bring out such strong emotions in me? I know it’s not plausible, but I feel such contentment standing here surrounded by his intoxicating scent and quiet strength.
“Yeah, maybe you should,” Jaxon says, but he still doesn’t release me from his arms or his eyes. It feels like he’s looking into my very soul, into the deepest part of me where no one else has delved. I can’t look away from him. He has captured my gaze and it seems as if he has no intention of giving it back.
He flicks his eyes down to my lips and my breath hitches. What would it be like to feel those beautiful full lips against my own? Would they be soft and coaxing, or rough and demanding? Would he rub them lightly against my lips, waiting for me to open, or would they nip and bite, forcing into the recesses of my mouth?
What is it about Jaxon that brings these crazy thoughts to my mind? Except for the first few months of my and Steven’s relationship, I’ve never wanted a man to kiss me, never wanted a man to place his lips against my own and entice a reaction out of me.
Although Jaxon has hinted at a darker emotional side, he has been nothing but gentle. I know that deep inside Jaxon carries his own demons, and because of those demons, he’s a hard and dangerous man. I don’t think that Jaxon would ever hurt me, but then again, I never thought Steven would either, and look where that got me.
Suddenly, Jaxon shakes his head, as if trying to clear it. He breaks the spell that has captured us both. The arm that is still wrapped around my back falls to his side. He keeps his other hand on my cheek a few seconds longer, before he drops that one too. I reluctantly release the grip I still have on his shirt. After taking a deep breath, I take a step back, and then another and another. I’m standing in the doorway now, so there are several feet between us. A chill racks my body from the sudden loss of his warmth, and I shudder, crossing my arms over my middle. I already miss his body heat against me.
