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“I’m helping you because we all need help sometimes, even when we don’t want to ask for it. I’m helping you because I see something in your eyes that compels me.” He slides his hand around the back of my neck and into my hair. The rough pad of his thumb starts rubbing along the bottom of my jaw, and I close my eyes at the sensation it brings me. His touch is light, and it sends shivers down my spine. I slowly open my eyes when he continues.
“I have this uncontrollable need to be near you, to protect you, to make sure you have what you need to be okay. I don’t know why I have this need or why it’s you, but it’s there. It’s sounds crazy as fuck, but I know that if I don’t give into it, it’ll will hurt.” He picks up my hand and places it over his heart. “No, I don’t know you, but I want to. I want to know everything about you, even the things that you’re scared to tell me, especially those. As far as wanting something in return, the only thing I want is a chance to get to know you, to earn your trust enough to give me that chance.”
I suck in a breath at his words and the sincerity in his eyes. What he sees in me, I have no clue. What I do know is that I want, with every fiber of my being, to trust him enough to give him what he wants. I’ve only known him a few days, but there’s something about him that pulls me toward him as well. I just don’t know if I’ll ever get to the point where I can completely give him my trust. Besides, it’s much too dangerous to tell him all of my secrets. Jaxon is the type who would seek vengeance on those who hurt the people he’s close to. I can never take that chance. He’s already becoming too important. Not to mention the fact that if I let him get too close, it’ll hurt a thousand times more when I leave.
I look up into his eyes, eyes that are begging me to give him a chance. They truly are the most spectacular eyes, which fits Jaxon perfectly, because he’s the most spectacular man I’ve ever met, inside and out.
While still holding his gaze, I tell him the truth, a truth that I wish wasn’t so.
“I don’t know if I can ever trust someone else, Jaxon. I have a rough past and that has made it hard for me to give my trust. I don’t know if I’m still capable of giving it anymore.”
My words are low, and I know they hurt him from the look that crosses his face. The last thing I want to do is hurt him, but I just can’t give him what he wants.
“One day, angel. One day, you’ll trust me,” he whispers to me. I don’t tell him that one day soon, I’ll be leaving.
He drops his head, and I feel his soft lips against my forehead again. It gets easier and easier to accept each time he does it.
He grabs my hand again and we start walking toward a hallway.
“Come on. I’ll show you the rest of the apartment. I think you’ll really like the bathroom.” He grins at me over his shoulder.
He flips on a light at the mouth of a short hallway, and we make our way to one of the three doors. He opens it and steps to the side so I can enter. What I see makes me want to push him out of the apartment so I can become acquainted with the huge, old-fashioned, iron claw-foot tub that sits up against a wall below a window. It looks like something you would see in a movie. It’s white and has high faucets. It even has the round shower rod that people back in the day used to use. There’s a white shower curtain hanging from it. Classic. Beside the gorgeous tub sits a shelf that has shampoo, conditioner, cucumber-melon-scented bodywash, bath salts, and a loofah.
Wow, Jaxon’s thought of everything. I don’t know which I’m looking forward to more: sleeping on cool, clean sheets, or taking a real bath, especially in such a fabulous tub.
Dragging my gaze away from the temptation, I take in the rest of the bathroom. The walls are a soft baby blue. There’s a pedestal sink that sits in the corner. Beside it, between the tub and the sink, is the commode. There’s plenty of lighting, but I know I will love the natural light that will come through the frosted window during the day.
“Do you like it?” Jaxon asks from behind me.
I twirl to him with a big obnoxious grin on my face and clap my hands in front of me. “I love it!”
He chuckles, which causes his eyes to crinkle, and little laugh lines appear by his eyes. I love his laugh. It makes him even more gorgeous than he was before, if that’s even possible.
Grabbing my hand again, he pulls me from the bathroom, and we stop at the next. It’s a linen closet.
The last door is the bedroom. It’s the room that makes me the most nervous to enter. Bedrooms are made for two reasons: for people to sleep in or for more carnal things. I really don’t want to go in there with Jaxon. I know it sounds silly, but it just seems too intimate for me to be in a room with Jaxon where people have sex.
My heart rate picks up when we make it to the last closed door. Jaxon pulls it open and steps inside, dragging me with him. He must sense my apprehension, because once we step through the doorway, he releases my hand. I miss the warmth and strength of it, but I’m also grateful that he understands my need for distance.
This room is small, too. Up against one wall there is a double bed that has a lime-green comforter on it. On either side of the bed are small nightstands. Directly across from the bed sits a small dresser, with some of my things placed on top. On the far wall, just below the bare window, there’s a small writing desk with a chair sitting in front of it.
While I’m taking in the room, I feel Jaxon’s eyes on me. I don’t look at him, afraid of what I might see. Nervously, I glance around the room some more and notice a door to my left. I walk over and open it. It’s actually a pretty decent size walk-in closet, which surprises me because of the size of the room. I flip the light switch and see some of my meager belongings sitting on the floor; a couple of boxes, a suitcase, and a small travel bag. Most of my clothes are hanging up.
I walk out of the closet, move to the dresser, and open the top drawer. What I see is what I feared. All of my undergarments and the few t-shirts and shorts I have been placed inside.
I close my eyes in shame at how pathetic I must appear. When I left Steven, I left all my clothes behind, except for the ones I was wearing. I was never allowed to work, so all the clothes I owned were ones he bought for me. I didn’t want to bring anything that came from him. All I took were a few things I still had from when Chris and I shared an apartment. Once I left town, I stopped at a thrift store and bought the bare minimum of clothes. The only items I allowed myself to buy brand new were panties and a single bra. I just couldn’t force myself to buy and then wear used undergarments. Even so, the panties and bra I bought were the most basic and cheapest I could find.
I turn and face Jaxon, who is casually leaning against the doorframe with his arms and ankles crossed. He answers the question that’s on the tip of my tongue.
“Anna put away your things,” he says quietly, realizing I’m on the verge of another breakdown. He must think I’m a crazy person with serious mental issues. All I seem to do around him is either cry or completely lose it.
I nod and tell him thank you.
He cocks his head to the side a little and asks, “You okay?”
I nod again. “Yes. I’m fine.”
His brow puckers a little, like he doesn’t believe me. It looks as though he wants to push the issue, but then he straightens up from the doorway.
