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I’M UTTERLY TRANSFIXED by the vibrations running through my body, the wind in my hair, and the warmth of Jaxon pressed to my front. I don’t realize we’ve reached our destination until he pulls to a stop. Having laid my head in the middle of his back, I reluctantly lift it and look around.
We’re completely surrounded by blackness, except for the moon shining on what looks like a body of water. The moon’s reflection sways gently from the motion. There are no other lights and from what I can gather in the moonlight, there are no buildings or cars. I do notice the shadows of trees though.
Jaxon taps my hand, and I know he wants me to release my grip. I do so and climb off the bike. Jaxon gets off as well and reaches to take my helmet off.
“Where are we?” I ask him, turning this way and that, trying to get a better view of my surroundings.
“The back side of my property. I come out here sometimes when I need a moment alone.” After placing the helmet on the seat, he grabs a blanket out of the saddlebags, takes my hand, and starts walking.
We stop at a grassy spot close to the edge of the water and he lays the blanket out on the ground. Once done, he sits down and pulls me with him. We both lie back, hand in hand, and stare up at the sky. It’s a clear night, so millions of stars are out shining. It’s beautiful, quiet, and peaceful. We lie there in silence for a few minutes, just listening to the lapping of the water, the crickets singing, and each other breathing.
“I heard from my dad tonight. He called me,” Jaxon says quietly. He slowly starts drawing patterns on my palm.
I don’t say anything, knowing he needs to tell me in his own time. After a couple of minutes, he continues.
“He and Cara are having a baby. She’s four months pregnant.” I can tell by the way he spits Cara’s name that she’s not one of his favorite people. I can also tell that the idea of his dad and Cara having a baby upsets him.
“I take it you don’t like this Cara person,” I ask timidly. I want to understand why this person upsets him so much.
“No, seeing as how she used to be my fiancée,” he answers with a hard edge to his voice.
I suck in a breath and jerk my head in his direction. He doesn’t stop playing with my hand.
“Yeah, my fiancée dumped me for my dad, and they took off together, got married, and are going to have a baby.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper to him. I squeeze his hand in mine, and he squeezes back. I can’t imagine what he’s feeling right now. I wish I could help him in some way, help him through the pain, but all I’m able to do is lie there and listen to him. Be the ear he needs to release some of the pressure of betrayal.
“Don’t feel sorry for me, Bailey. I’m over it, have been for a long time. They can go jump off a cliff for all I care. What gets me is them having a baby.” He lifts our hands and places them on his chest, right over his heart.
“That’s understandable. I’m sure you pictured yourself having a baby with her. I know it’ll be hard for you to think about your dad with a woman your age, a woman you loved, having a baby.”
My heart aches for him. Not only because his dad took away his dream of becoming a father, but also because the woman he was supposed to trust explicitly, betrayed him, with his dad. He lost two people he loved in one go.
He gives a harsh laugh. “Oh, I pictured it alright. As a matter of fact, I still have the picture.”
What? He’s confusing me. I don’t understand what he’s saying. I know he had to have mentally pictured himself having a child with Cara, but what he is saying sounds like…
Oh my God! No!
Jaxon reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet. He opens it and brings out a small, shiny, crinkled piece of paper. I know exactly what’s on the paper, as I’ve seen my fair share of them.
He holds it at an angle so we can see it in the light of the moon. On it is a black background and a bunch a white squiggly masses. Right in the middle is a white blob in the shape of a peanut.
The hand that Jaxon isn’t holding flies to my mouth and tears form in my eyes.
“She was eight weeks along when this was taken. At ten weeks, she walked into a clinic and came back out no longer pregnant. She went into that fucking clinic and killed my baby. One week after that, she was gone, and so was my dad. I didn’t find out until later that they had been seeing each other for six months. I wondered for a while if the baby was even mine, but found out soon after that it was. Cara and my dad always used protection. One of the two times that we didn’t, was when she fell pregnant.”
A strangled sob escapes my throat. I sit up abruptly and bury my head in my hands. I know it’s selfish of me to lose it like this. Jaxon is the one who’s in pain and needs comforting. I can’t help it though. The thought of willingly killing a child is too much for me.
Jaxon sits up beside me and tries reaching for my arms to bring them down. I knock his hand away.
“No! No!” I screech. “How could that bitch do that? How could she kill an innocent baby like that? Doesn’t she understand that babies are precious and should be protected at all costs? How can anyone do that? Why would anyone do that? Why?”
Again, Jaxon reaches for me, and I try pushing him away. He won’t allow it though. His thighs go to either side of mine and he pulls me back against his front, rocking me and rubbing my back. Selfish or not, I clutch Jaxon and sob into his shirt.
“Shhh, angel, shhh. I don’t know why some people do what they do. Some are just too self-centered to think about what their actions do to others. Yes, it still hurts to think about the child I almost had, but I’ve come to terms with it.”
“I’m s-so s-sorry, Jax. I-I’m sorry for the baby you lost. I’m s-sorry for what that bitch did to you. And I’m sorry for f-falling apart on you again. I’m the one who should be consoling you right now, not the other way around.” I’m still crying, but I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to control my emotions.
