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It’s a sight to behold, watching two guys kiss, something I’ve never seen before. My face flushes and I know I should look away, but I can’t. It’s not something I thought would interest me, but interest me it does. Not in the sense that I would like to see more of it or see how it progresses. Just something that’s different and slightly arousing.
After a couple of minutes of tongue war, the two break apart. The guy looks like he is in a kiss-induced stupor. Andrew licks his lip and I see him briefly glance over the guy’s shoulder. I follow his line of sight and see Jaxon and Nick playing pool. Poor guy has it bad. Even though it may not be with the man he wants, it looks like Andrew may get lucky tonight.
My gaze continues to linger on Jaxon. He’s bent over the table to line up his shot. I may not be ready yet to have sex with him, but I can still appreciate the view. The man definitely has a nice backside, which is encased in a pair of faded ripped jeans again.
Anna is working at the diner tonight. That’s why Nick is here and not with her. He leaves again in a few days so I know he would rather be with her.
One thing I’ve noticed over the last few weeks is that Jaxon really enjoys playing pool. He doesn’t get a chance to play as often as he likes because of running the bar, so when it’s slow he takes advantage. I’ve played with him several times. He had to teach me, as I had never played before. It was really nice having Jaxon’s arms wrapped around me from behind and his firm chest pressed against my back as he showed me how to line up my shot and shoot.
It’s getting harder and harder to resist Jaxon. Some parts of me want to fling caution to the wind and ask him to make love to me. Other parts are still scared of how I’ll react. Will I see Steven or one of his friends above me instead of Jaxon? When it comes to the final step of Jaxon entering me, will I feel the pain I’ve always felt when it comes to sex? Will Jaxon look at me with disgust when he sees the battlefield of scars all over my body?
I don’t know how much longer I can hold off. Jaxon’s been incredibly patient with me. Sometimes we’ll just kiss and snuggle into each other. But there are other times when Jaxon will gently explore my body. I haven’t allowed him to touch me underneath my clothing because I worry he’ll feel the puckered scars.
I’ve also explored his body as well. I now know that his entire back and chest are covered in beautiful tattoos, along with full sleeves. I also know that both of his nipples are pierced. I actually had the pleasure of touching them, which he seems to like a lot.
He never pushes me too far. As a matter of fact, he usually stops well before I start to feel uncomfortable. It’s frustrating at times because I want him to go further, but I don’t know how to tell him. Other than the actual sex act itself and being leery of him seeing or feeling my body, I don’t know what my limits are. He always stops before he gets to them. I do know that I want to see and touch more of his body.
Even though he doesn’t push me I can tell that it’s taking a toll on him. If I get frustrated, I can only imagine the way Jaxon feels. He’s someone who’s used to the release sex gives him. When he’s with me, he’s not getting that release. I see the desire and heat in his eyes every time he pulls away. I want to give that to him but once again I don’t know how to tell him.
While I’m still ogling Jaxon he looks up and catches me. He gives me a smile and a wink with his eye that holds the piercing. All the metal and ink that his body sports should intimidate and scare me. It does just the opposite. It’s different from what I’m used to and I think that’s what appeals the most. Steven is a straitlaced lawyer and always wore the best of clothes and had every hair in place. He wanted the public to view him as perfect, while behind closed doors he was anything but. Jaxon doesn’t seem to care what others think of him and it shows with all the body art. I love and admire that about him.
More people have started to appear and I know it’s about to get busy. I walk over to the dishwasher and start unloading the glasses inside. Once that’s finished I walk over to the mini fridges and open them to take stock of what more we’ll need for the night. After making a list, I tell Mia that I’m going to the basement to grab more inventory.
It’s dark and drafty down in the basement. It gives me the creeps. I don’t enjoy going down there so I try to work fast. I make my way over to the stacks of boxes that hold bottles of beer and start loading up crates to bring back up with me.
About halfway through my list my back pocket begins to sing and vibrate. In my haste to be done with the eerie basement I hit the talk button without looking at the screen. I hold it between my shoulder and ear so I can still grab bottles while I talk.
“Hello?”
All I hear in return is a scratchy noise. Thinking that the reception is bad because I’m underground, I repeat myself.
“Hello?”
Still nothing but the scratchy noise. Just before I hang up the annoying scratchy sound turns into barely audible murmurs. It sounds like the person is far away from the phone and I can’t understand what they are saying.
I make my way closer to the stairs, hoping the signal will get better. The closer I get, the louder the murmuring gets until I freeze in my tracks.
I know exactly what I’m listening to now. I’d know the voice from anywhere. It was a voice that used to make me happy when I heard it. And the words the voice is saying are words that were said on a day that was supposed to be one of the happiest of my life. Now the voice and words scare the daylights out of me.
I stand there frozen in place, unable to move, and listen while Steven and I take our vows.
“This ring is a token of my love. I marry you with this ring, with all that I have and all that I am.”
The line goes quiet except for a rustling sound and I know that Steven is now placing the ring on my finger. After a few seconds, my voice comes through my phone.
“I give you this ring as a visible and constant symbol of my promise to be with you as long as I live.”
The voices stop and all I hear is silence. I’m still standing in place, but my knees are starting to shake. My palms are beginning to sweat and my breathing has become shallow.
I hear more rustling over the phone before the real live voice of my husband rings in my ear.
Quietly, he says, “Do you remember that day, my pet? Do you remember what you said? You said you were mine until the day you die. He can’t have you. You’re mine and I’m ready to take back what’s mine.” And with that the line goes dead.
I’m shaking so hard that my phone slips from my hand and drops to the floor. My knees buckle and I sink to the bottom step. Of all the beatings and sexual abuse that came from my childhood and later as an adult, none of that compares to that one day. The one day that was supposed to be my happiest is now the absolute worst of my life. It was the day I allowed Steven to take total control of my life.
Looking back, I would have to say that our wedding night was the just the beginning of the change in him. The first time we had sex on our wedding night Steven put his hand around my throat and applied light pressure. It wasn’t enough to cut off my oxygen, but I did think it was strange because he had never done that before. I just figured he got caught up in the moment.
After that night, he did it more and more often. It was the little things that should have clued me in to the darker side of Steven. He would pull my hair a little harder than usual. He would whisper in my ear and ask if I thought a particular man was good-looking. There were several times when he would try to have anal sex and would get frustrated when I told him no.
