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When I finish, Jaxon drops to his knees right in front of me, like his legs can’t hold him up anymore. “No baby,” he barely whispers. There’s torment in his eyes and I can’t stand the look.
He walks on his knees the remaining feet separating us. I pull my legs apart so he fits better against me. He rests his head against my stomach and wraps his arms tightly around me. After a few minutes, he lifts his head and looks up at me.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry you went through that. I’m so sorry I can’t fix what happened to you. I’m so fucking sorry that I wasn’t there.” He finishes by kissing my stomach.
I sniff and rub the last of my tears from my face. Running my fingers through his hair, I ask him, “What did you do with the box?” I had noticed it was gone while I was telling my story.
His voice is hard again when he speaks. “It’s outside. I wanted to trash it but figured the cops might need it.” I nod, knowing the best thing to do is call the cops. I’m not sure if it’ll help, but Jaxon said he was good friends with the sheriff so I hope he’s able to do something.
“What am I going to do, Jaxon? I’m so scared.” My voice is so small that I know he barely hears me.
He puts his hands on either side of my face, forcing me to look at him. “First, we’re going to call the cops and make a report. Steven seems smart enough to not leave fingerprints, but there’s always a chance that he was careless. Second, I’m going to talk to the sheriff and see what we can do, get him to run a background check on him. I’m also going to make a few calls to those acquaintances in the FBI I told you about. There’s got to be something out there that proves he’s not the upstanding citizen he likes to portray. We’ll get him, angel, one way or another.”
The determination in his voice helps lessen my anxiety. I have no doubt that Jaxon will do whatever it takes to bring Steven down.
“I’m going to take a shower,” I inform him. I need to do something to help wash away the memories. Taking a scalding-hot shower and rubbing my body raw will hopefully help.
Jaxon sits back, only to lean over until his lips brush mine softly. Pushing back, he gets to his feet, extending his hand to help me up as well. When I’m standing, he pulls me into arms. I bury my face in his hard chest and breathe him in. Over the top of my head Jaxon says, “While you’re in the shower I’ll call the cops and make a few other calls.”
I nod and pull back. Making my way to Jaxon’s bedroom, I grab some sweat pants and one of his t-shirts. Once in the master bathroom I turn the water on hot and strip my clothes off. When I step into the shower, I hiss at the blast of hot water that hits my body. I grab a washcloth, squirt some cucumber-melon bodywash on it and start vigorously scrubbing my body. I scrub and scrub until my body aches. I can see the blood coming to the surface just under my skin in splotches.
It doesn’t work. No matter how hard I scrub the memories and filth won’t wash away. I drop the rag and sink to the floor with the water still blasting all over my body. I raise my knees in front of my chest, wrap my arms around them, and lay my head against the top of my knees. The uncontrollable sobs are back and I can’t push them away.
I hear the shower door open and then a curse. I glance up at Jaxon. “Jesus Christ, Bailey. What are you doing?” Jaxon reaches across to turn the water off, but yanks his hand back from the heat. “Fuck!” He quickly grabs a hand towel and wraps it around his hand and turns the dial until the water is off. He drops the hand towel, grabs a bigger one and bends to scoop me up into his arms.
Once outside the shower, he wraps a towel around my shoulders and starts to pat me dry. I whimper at the contact of the towel against my reddened and sore skin, and Jaxon immediately stops.
“Goddamn it! Why did you do this to yourself?” Jaxon scolds me and starts to pat the towel more lightly against my skin. I begin to shiver from stepping out of the hot shower into the air-conditioned bathroom. The bathroom is so thick with steam that I can barely see anything.
My teeth chatter when I reply. “It’s t-the only w-way I c-can f-feel clean again. B-but it didn’t w-work. N-no matter how m-much I scrubbed, the f-filth wouldn’t g-go away.” I start to cry again.
“Oh, angel.” Jaxon bends to pick me up underneath my legs and back. Walking into the bedroom, he gently places me on the bed and runs back to the bathroom for my clothes, another towel, and a jar of some kind of cream. Jaxon removes the towel draped over my shoulders and slowly starts to apply the cream all over my burnt body. Afterward, he gently dresses me, trying to keep the clothing from rubbing against my skin. My shivers have died down some, but I still feel cold. Going to the closet, he grabs one of his hoodies and puts that on me as well.
My skin is still very sensitive, but the warmth of the clothes helps hold in my body heat. Jaxon sits behind me on the bed with his legs on either side of mine and starts to dry my hair. Once it’s reasonably dry and not dripping anymore, he puts his arms around me and tugs me backwards until I am resting against him.
“How long have you been taking showers like that?” he asks in my ear.
I answer in a small voice. “Since I was a little girl. When my parents had their parties and their friends got hold of me, I would always feel so dirty afterwards. The only thing that helped was a boiling-hot shower and scrubbing my body as hard as I could handle. I stopped when I left home, but when Steven started his games I started taking them again.”
Jaxon kisses the side of my neck before replying. “Angel, that wasn’t just a hot shower I walked in on. I don’t see how you don’t have second-degree burns. I couldn’t even touch the water and I don’t see how you were able to breathe through the steam. Promise me you won’t don’t do that again. You scared the shit out of me.”
I know that my hot showers are a little too much, but it is was truly the only thing that helped me stay clean all these years. I feel sorry for scaring him. I turn my head and nuzzle my face into his neck.
“I’m sorry I worried you. The hot showers were my coping mechanism, but I’ll try and tone it down a bit in the future. I know they aren’t good for me, but I was desperate to feel clean again after seeing what was in the box. Seeing that decimated doll brought everything back to me.”
“I understand, angel, but if you ever feel the need to take one, please come to me first. Talk to me, and I’ll do everything it takes for you to overcome the dirty.”
I nod against his neck. “Okay.”
My body is worn out from the heat and abuse of the shower and my eyes start to drift shut. Right before I succumb to sleep, I hear a knock coming from the front door.
“That’s the police,” Jaxon says, and slowly pulls away from me.
All I want to do is get into bed with Jaxon holding me and sleep, but I know that we have to make a report first. I get up and follow Jaxon out of the bedroom to the front door. After looking out the peephole, Jaxon opens the door and I’m surprised to see Mac on the other side.
He’s dressed casually in a button-up hunter-green shirt and a pair of dark jeans. On one hip is a badge and on the other is a holster carrying a gun. My jaw drops. This must be the sheriff who’s a good friend Jaxon was talking about.
“I didn’t know you were a cop,” I say, dumbfounded.
